Simplicity 1543- gets foolishly Exotic

Now, just keep playing that in the background while you read- it will really enhance my stuff! I scooped up Simplicity 1543 during one of those $.99 sales where you are limited to 10 and its more of a challenge that you really need- you go from 3 you know you will really enjoy sewing to ‘well, I may need a toaster cover pattern shaped like Yoda, yeah, ok…..’ Well, that was a bad example, cuz if they sold that, oh hell, I’d make it.


I really enjoyed how the envelope tried to cool it up for us with this ‘perfect for at home, running errands & travel‘. Dang! Why don’t you just say, braless shut ins watching the View will totally rock this look! Well, since I do aspire to a lifestyle of never sucking my stomache in, I went for it. But then I cooled on it, because I got the notion that it was for knits and ugh- pocket placement……so while I was doing a little rearrangement of the bins and sending some undesirables away (I’m looking at you, most of my Suede Says purchases) and what happens? GAUDY EPIPHANY!!! Yes, the paisley and cheetah clad baby angels descended on bungies (like they do when I’ve had caffeine and cookies for breakfast…so often) and pointed to the fabric I got on a whim- wait, that isn’t really making it stand out- all my fabric purchases are whimmy…..ok, THIS whim purchase. A huge silk-ish panel with a familiarish face on it. Yes, I believe it’s Shanghai Lil!!!


Well, Here she is in all her glory! Now, 2 things changed with my version. Tastefulness The pockets and the side vent hem. Lil would have lost much of her garishness due to pocket placement. I considered matching the print (which would have taken too much of the fabric for a summer top out of this glorious beasty) but the top stitching still would have detracted from it for me. So what to do! I did an inseam pocket – since I always need a place for my phone and a steamed dumpling or two.


I am now a serious fan of this pattern and these sleeves! I used a braided cording to add a little pop of the turquoise and I’m quite pleased. Now a warning for the dainty: it runs big. BIG. BIG. I did mine XL and it isn’t fall off the shoulders huge, but it could definitely use some tapering on the sides.


Dear Simplicity: no more drawings! Show us a real body on the envelopes. Or was the model too busy being perfect at home, running errands and traveling? I mean really, we all love pastel drawings of a young Kate Beckinsale, but stop being so artilly deceptive. Mkay, Thanksandbye.

shanghai 6

photo credits: pattern review, youtube, meadhawg, . All images remain the property of their original owners.


Wearable Wednesday Elie Saab

The holidays can be super busy for a girl like I. Luckilly Elie Saab knows my lifestyle and designs as tho I am his muse.

Last week I helped out at a homeless shelter- I know how much joy my presence brings to the less fortunate. I wore this and no, I did not let them touch my puff-balls.


I popped over to the Vatican,  Francis squealed with pleasure at my visit and his plate of pickle rollups.


On tuesday I helped bathe and groom dogs at the shelter.  So a long skirt would have been impractical, of course.


Wednesday was an at home day- I mostly knitted beanies for preemies and did some yard work. So, super casual.


Thursday, I took a group of little urchins to the mall- I showed them how to spot a knock off Prada, then we had corn dogs. So inspiring to serve others! Again, they couldn’t touch my puff balls.


So exhausted- friday I rang the bell in front of the hardware store for the Salvation Army.  Funny story- my 3rd best tennis bracelet flew off and hit an elderly gentleman, has that happened to you? Yeah, so common.


photo credits: All images remain the property of their original owners.

Wearable Wednesday Osklen

Well. Shall we address the hem or the stylist caplet she forgot to take off?


Ok, just- what- no. Sheer bodice and granny panties? Mind blown.


Um, crotch bib?


Do you hear that? It’s my WhatTheWhat meter. It’s exploding.


Ok, I quit. Osklen has broken me. See you next week.



photo credits: All images remain the property of their original owners.

From Wadders to Fabulous Fit!

As usual when I put out my gaudy Bat Signal in the sky above the sewists Bordello, I get great suggestions for help. My Simplicity 1277 has had its sleeves removed and a bias edging added. I also tapered in the princess seams to remove the armscye gap. Now I’m a lot more satisfied with it. So if my flanks can handle the uber-toasty flannel, this will be a between seasons frock. I thank everyone who stared intently at my armscyes and brought forth excellent help!
To get my mojo back to flowing, I visited an old favorite- Lisette 1878- the Diplomat dress. I love this shift shape and I’m always thinking I need to try a contrast fabric, but it’s just so comfy and pleasing on its own, I save it for fabrics that I want to fly solo! I know form pics are not as much fun as real wear shots, but I have a reason.


Check out my cleavage owls!!  ‘Hey, eyes up here, buddy!’


I like this Peter Pan forest camouflage from Fabricmart. Does anyone else find top stitching to be restful? I get in my little zone and pretty soon I’m walking toward Pemberly in an animal print pelisse and bonnet…..yes, Mr Darcy, you do need to dive into the lake…… 2 billion BBC viewers can’t be wrong!


Whoa, ok lets move on and look at my new project. Did you notice Ms Holloway looking a little different? Over the last few years, Ms Holloway has suffered several falls. If you’ve never seen a 4 dachshund run for the roses thru a house, let me just say it’s exhilarating and destructive. No surface is left unclimbed or raced thru during a spontaneous dog sprint. The last time my mannequin got in the way, her neck plate broke and now her shoulders do not stay in their positions properly. I’ve been stuffing foam pieces into her shell to hold her stable. Not the best permanent solution. I debated a new form, but I was reading The Curving Sewing Collectives post on forms and the Fabulous Fit system looked really interesting. So off to Amazon I went and it arrived Tuesday. I paid extra for the lumpy Plus version that comes with 14 pounds of instant oatmeal to smear on the butt portions for added realism. You know how I like my realism!

I spent several evenings perusing the instructions and online to prepare for this event. I didn’t find the printed instructions nearly as helpful as all the reviews online. This highlighted part of the instructions is my favorite- how did they know I like to stick pins directly into my real person?


Now today with the help of TCM, Bruderlein and I shall attempt to build a mannequin so close to my dainty bunches that Mr B will ooze with guilt for how attracted he is to it! Speaking of Mr B, he is unavailable this weekend to assist me, so I’m in for more help than usual- of the 4 paw’d kind. The kind that really help you sort your foam pads into edible piles under the sofa.
Now, I have gathered my supplies, started cooking the oatmeal- I added raisins to simulate my butt accurately; and selected the Bette Davis movie that will accompany this fiasco. Time to go!
1.One more view of some of the  many links to youtube videos to help- this link is to Penelope! Now I can avoid it no longer- it’s time to start measuring my chassy.
2. After hanging blackout drapes, turning off the phone, checking the entire house for surveillance equipment and blindfolding my judgemental cat, I have stripped down to my Wonder Woman underoos, and am poised in front of the mirror with my tape measure.
3. Basic measurements, hip, low hip, waist, high bust- alright, I can do this, I’m only tearing up a little bit.
4. I’m a good person. My size is not a reflection of my worth. I am a good person. God loves me and my Mother thought I was the smartest and the prettiest. Breathe in, breath out.
5. The rest of the measurements are to help you get the most accurate and personalized form possible. They are very technical and I shall try to be as meticulous as- CRAP!!!! HELMUTT GET YOUR ROTTEN SELF OUT OF THAT BOX!!! DROP IT! DROP IT!! DROP IT!!! BAD BOY! BRING IT BACK!


6. Ok, I’ve retrieved all the foam bits from the yard (I threw on a robe) and under the sofa and from his crate, I am ready to get back to the measuring.
7. Holding measuring tape end at tip of right collarbone and bring across to vernal apex of left shoulder blade. Record distance divided by measurement of both bust points. Um. Ok. Let me look at the pictures again. I can’t reach my apex. Ok, Bruder will hold the tape in his mouth and stay perfectly still while I circle him and drape the tape measure around myself, not twisting it. Whoa. I think I got it. Phew, I have a charley horse now.


Better sit down and watch the movie for a bit.


8. Must have dozed off- Liesl drank my chai tea and I missed the movie. Damn. I’ll go get more tea and check out the leftovers from last evening……OOH corned beef and cabbage!


9. Now, let’s just whip thru the rest of these measurements- I can skip the thigh business, and the upper arms, ok! Let’s get to the padding of the form.Mutty, you can keep that pad, but I need the rest! I’m serious!
10. I have covered  Ms Holloway with the sleeveless cover and it’s a lovely white stretchy material- durable and thick. I’m going to pin my lovely lady lumps directly to this cover, then slide the other over top of it when I’m done.
11. Now, I’m going to place my pads in each location based on my scientific findings and use the tips to make sure they suit me. I have forward sloping shoulders like a Bronte character, so I’ll pivot the shoulder pads forward and down.
12. I have a high waist and fuller hips and a slight swayback. Gees Louise, I’m a monster! I should be living in a belltower scaring the local children! I should ring a bell to alert unsuspecting mothers that I am walking amongst them- lest I curdle their offspring in the womb! Arrgh- this is too much. I’m going to build a pillow fort for Bruder and I and think about this for a while….with an éclair.
13. Now, I’m all cried out and ready to put the cover over her, easily securing the new dimensions.  Ok, I gently roll the top cover down over my padding. This honestly requires at least 4 hands. It’s like trying to put pantyhose on a greased squid that is having a stroke.  I’m glad I pinned the pads down, tho at one point I yanked one side too quickly and my left butt cheek flew across the room. Don’t think that happens every day. So go slowly on this part- don’t permanently harm your squid.

Alright, I am clear headed now, I knew this would be difficult, but it is worth the effort, Ms Holloway looks lovely and I am quite pleased with the results.

I present you with a musical tribute to my day:


Um, in case you are wondering- no one paid me to endorse the Fabulous Fit system- I’m sure if a company read one of my reviews, they’d reconsider any thought they might have had about my spokesperson-ability! I’m mean really, they’d definitely get what they paid for!

Photo credits: fabulous fit, google images, little me, pattern review, youtube. All images remain the property of their original owners.

Wearable Wednesday Holly Fulton

Mother Fulton is missing a lot of placemats.



I’m going to need to borrow those eye-shields, Ma’am.


Let’s just say what we are all thinking. BEWB SWEAT!


This is a blue plate special of wrong with a side of pit cleavage to go.



I’m still getting a little pot holder, kitchen linen vibe, but it’s ok.


‘Louis! Turn up the music- she’s wearing the skirt!’

‘I can’t hear you over that squeaking, Ben, what?’

“never mind, Louis, you muttonhead. ‘


Joseph told her he wanted to play more games in the bedroom. Wanda obliged with a parchesi skirt.


Oh, I pray to Coco and Betsey that you can see what this is doing to her bust.


photo credits: All images remain the property of their original owners.

Wearable Wednesday Thom Browne

‘Kids, your Uncle Marvin has been so lonely for a long time. He’s bringing a girl to Thanksgiving and I want you all to make a special effort to be nice to her and her friends.’

‘Mom, she’s here- and Grannie Fran just accused her of trying to steal the good placemats- I think you need to come out here’


‘Honestly Becky! I can’t leave the gravy right now! Go fill up the nut cups- what now???’

‘Ma- she’s not wearing a top- well, not on both sides-‘


but one of them is wearing a lamp shade and maybe some tiny chickens-‘


Stop being a brat- go show them my Elvis collectable plates and my spoons from all 50 states!’


‘Whats Pogo so upset about? Whats all that barking? Go see!’

‘Mom- Pogo thinks her Coat Is alive- he’s cowering under the table now’


‘Don’t keep running in here! Its rude! Go offer her an iced tea….and see if she brought the centerpiece for the table’

‘But Mom- I think she’s wearing it…’


‘Mom- Uncle Marvin is taking the brandy and leaving without her…..’


photo credits: All images remain the property of their original owners.

Simplicity 1277 Wadder, Wadder Everywhere…..

The Amazing Fit collection is some of my favorite Big4 pattern collections. I think all the fitting help is supposed to prevent muslining and wadders. I have now defied that concept. Whining ahead.


I bought this rusty adorable woven flannel at Mary Jo’s and matched it with this rayon from the store that shall not be named (Yes, hancock, I mean you- still making me sad. You only get lower case letters) and this pattern just said, ‘HELLO! MEET YOUR LATEST VICTIM!’ and we were off to the races.

I really like this pattern, the shape, the pockets- oh, here is my life lesson. If you want to make a contrast side panel in a flannel …….panel flannel panel flannel flannel panel flannel flannel spaniel in sandals playing madrills. Whoa. Sorry. That was just really too tempting. Back to my point.


I made the contrast panel in flannel, also the pocket facing. I wore tights. The static this area was creating- oy- I could have powered a small village with it. Also, it made me have to futz with it a good bit. Needless to say, I could not store any m&m’s in the pockets- they were way too warm. But, I was able to make a grilled cheese sandwich while walking back and forth to the Anesthesia Office a few times. A Fashion Win!  But, this one was not a fit win. I feel very constricted thru the sleeves. Is this an armscye thing? Are they too far forward? The sleeves seem to be trying very hard to grab the bodice. Thoughts, people? I’d love to cal this a muslin and make another with my excess fabric.


This is another dress that due to my pear-shapedness, I can skip the zipper on. Good thing too. That hancock fabric store near me has the puniest collection of zipper colors available. They truly are not prepared for my needs. If they sell fabric in this color, maybe they’d like to consider adding a few tones to that color chart, eh? What if my Elsa costume is not ice blue???? What if my magenta fleece John Deere no sew blanket needs a snack pocket? Come on hancock- be a pal. Upgrade that selection. There is life beyond 9” Saddle Tan!!!!


Ok, less ranting, more pattern review details. I made my standard fit alterations- I lowered the back neck line, tapered in the front upper bodice at the neckline. Huh. I think these are the standard alterations for a hunch-backed crone. Well, that’s nice. I always wanted to buy a bell tower and yell at the neighbor kids.

hunch back

Now, I totally missed this when I bought the fabric- I could have had a weird pattern placement tragedy. I saw sort of a roman south western hodge podge pattern- I never noticed it had an odd pitch fork motif. The last thing this chassy needs is the ‘oh, wearing your favorite thing, huh? A fork- I get it- you like to eat!’ Um, yeah, thanks for noticing…you suck and I curse your firstborn. Thornberry, I’m feeling your pain. Ok, find the forks!!!


Anyhoo. I’m still sort of trying to find the skirt shape that suits me best. I think hobble, but that can be inconvenient getting in and out of smaller cars but perfect training for my future in sack races. The skirt of this pattern just seems to be a little too triangular for me- I’m not sure I’m an A-line girl. Any thoughts are of course welcome- especially if they involve a 4 point train and attendants. I’m sad about this make- an illusion contrast side panel should remove my swaddled dumpling look and give me some middle definition, right?  By the way, it was monsooning during these pics and I was freezing and of course shivering like a fool. Bless Mr B for getting these pics- he did the best he could with the typhoon situation and crap lighting- my trooper!


Hey, while we are talking, I’m thinking  about Jungle January III- the Beast that would not Die ! Can I squeeze out another season of tolerance for the Fleecy Folk? I’m wondering if a little pre-season or mid-month Sabertooth Swap would be interesting? Anybody feel like receiving spotted gifts by post?