Wearable Wednesday Thom Browne


‘Kids, your Uncle Marvin has been so lonely for a long time. He’s bringing a girl to Thanksgiving and I want you all to make a special effort to be nice to her and her friends.’

‘Mom, she’s here- and Grannie Fran just accused her of trying to steal the good placemats- I think you need to come out here’

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‘Honestly Becky! I can’t leave the gravy right now! Go fill up the nut cups- what now???’

‘Ma- she’s not wearing a top- well, not on both sides-‘

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but one of them is wearing a lamp shade and maybe some tiny chickens-‘

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Stop being a brat- go show them my Elvis collectable plates and my spoons from all 50 states!’

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‘Whats Pogo so upset about? Whats all that barking? Go see!’

‘Mom- Pogo thinks her Coat Is alive- he’s cowering under the table now’

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‘Don’t keep running in here! Its rude! Go offer her an iced tea….and see if she brought the centerpiece for the table’

‘But Mom- I think she’s wearing it…’

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‘Mom- Uncle Marvin is taking the brandy and leaving without her…..’

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photo credits: style.com. All images remain the property of their original owners.

Simplicity 1277 Wadder, Wadder Everywhere…..


The Amazing Fit collection is some of my favorite Big4 pattern collections. I think all the fitting help is supposed to prevent muslining and wadders. I have now defied that concept. Whining ahead.

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I bought this rusty adorable woven flannel at Mary Jo’s and matched it with this rayon from the store that shall not be named (Yes, hancock, I mean you- still making me sad. You only get lower case letters) and this pattern just said, ‘HELLO! MEET YOUR LATEST VICTIM!’ and we were off to the races.

I really like this pattern, the shape, the pockets- oh, here is my life lesson. If you want to make a contrast side panel in a flannel …….panel flannel panel flannel flannel panel flannel flannel spaniel in sandals playing madrills. Whoa. Sorry. That was just really too tempting. Back to my point.

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I made the contrast panel in flannel, also the pocket facing. I wore tights. The static this area was creating- oy- I could have powered a small village with it. Also, it made me have to futz with it a good bit. Needless to say, I could not store any m&m’s in the pockets- they were way too warm. But, I was able to make a grilled cheese sandwich while walking back and forth to the Anesthesia Office a few times. A Fashion Win!  But, this one was not a fit win. I feel very constricted thru the sleeves. Is this an armscye thing? Are they too far forward? The sleeves seem to be trying very hard to grab the bodice. Thoughts, people? I’d love to cal this a muslin and make another with my excess fabric.

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This is another dress that due to my pear-shapedness, I can skip the zipper on. Good thing too. That hancock fabric store near me has the puniest collection of zipper colors available. They truly are not prepared for my needs. If they sell fabric in this color, maybe they’d like to consider adding a few tones to that color chart, eh? What if my Elsa costume is not ice blue???? What if my magenta fleece John Deere no sew blanket needs a snack pocket? Come on hancock- be a pal. Upgrade that selection. There is life beyond 9” Saddle Tan!!!!

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Ok, less ranting, more pattern review details. I made my standard fit alterations- I lowered the back neck line, tapered in the front upper bodice at the neckline. Huh. I think these are the standard alterations for a hunch-backed crone. Well, that’s nice. I always wanted to buy a bell tower and yell at the neighbor kids.

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Now, I totally missed this when I bought the fabric- I could have had a weird pattern placement tragedy. I saw sort of a roman south western hodge podge pattern- I never noticed it had an odd pitch fork motif. The last thing this chassy needs is the ‘oh, wearing your favorite thing, huh? A fork- I get it- you like to eat!’ Um, yeah, thanks for noticing…you suck and I curse your firstborn. Thornberry, I’m feeling your pain. Ok, find the forks!!!

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Anyhoo. I’m still sort of trying to find the skirt shape that suits me best. I think hobble, but that can be inconvenient getting in and out of smaller cars but perfect training for my future in sack races. The skirt of this pattern just seems to be a little too triangular for me- I’m not sure I’m an A-line girl. Any thoughts are of course welcome- especially if they involve a 4 point train and attendants. I’m sad about this make- an illusion contrast side panel should remove my swaddled dumpling look and give me some middle definition, right?  By the way, it was monsooning during these pics and I was freezing and of course shivering like a fool. Bless Mr B for getting these pics- he did the best he could with the typhoon situation and crap lighting- my trooper!

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Hey, while we are talking, I’m thinking  about Jungle January III- the Beast that would not Die ! Can I squeeze out another season of tolerance for the Fleecy Folk? I’m wondering if a little pre-season or mid-month Sabertooth Swap would be interesting? Anybody feel like receiving spotted gifts by post?

Wearable Wednesday ADEAM


Look into the swirling pattern effect of my Bewbs. You are getting very sleepy- you are in a deeply relaxed state. You will buy anything Vogue tells you to…….

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You even want to buy a dress with a giant oven mitt shrinky-dinked to it.

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Your mind will become open to new concepts- like capelet blouses! They will make total sense to you!

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You will give me this coat and shirty business- but keep the satyr clogs for yourself. Seriously, I want you to have them.

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You will not realize that she is trying to steal your grandmothers drapes…..

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When I count to 3 you will awake refreshed and have no idea that you now possess a tail.

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photo credits: style.com. All images remain the property of their original owners.

Wearable Wednesday 6397


‘Hey- I know you’re getting ready for the show, but you need to get down here.’

‘Why? Whats wrong- Scooter you sound frantic!’

‘It’s the Models sir. They refuse to put on the clothes. They’re just milling around unstyled and smelling of unfiltered cigarettes. I can’t make them get dressed!?’

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‘Wait- what?’

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‘Yeah, I know, it’s crazy! They just keep staring at me and refusing to change.’

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‘That’s ridiculous! They have contracts! I gave them diet coke!’

‘Its true! They look terrible! Like they just rolled out of bed and painted their garage or cleaned a million toilets! Just saggy grimey looking jeans and ratty slip ons!?’

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‘SCOOOTER! YOU MORON!!!! THAT IS MY COLLECTION!!!!’

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‘Um, well….they all do look comfortable…’

‘Get out, Scooter. You’ll never wrangle models in this town again.’

 

photo credits: style.com. All images remain the property of their original owners.

 

Wearable Wednesday Alessandra Rich


Good evening and welcome to another installment of ‘Spending Grannies Money’ the reality show starring people who know that they are better than you.

‘Damn it Honoria, I know you let your $1400 cat into my climate-controlled lace closet again!’

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“whatever Enid- I was too busy having my stylist find this one of a kind belt- oh, Balzac!’

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‘What belt, Honoria? Do you mean this old thing I found under the gardener?’

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‘Diego!!! …..Enid you trollope! Well, at least you only copied the styling- I spent weeks having Carmen hand-bead this dress with stones crushed up from a gothic cathedral’

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‘Hmm…I thought that rag looked a little dowdy- so I have Carmen rip off the cheesy sleeves.You don’t need them when you spend $1800 an hour having your own Swedish trainer gently excersize the tone into them while you sleep’

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‘Now if you’ll excuse me Honoria, I’m off to systematically boff my way to Prince Harry.’

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‘Not so fast, Enid, Honoria- I need to discuss my will! Also the possibility of my leaving it all to my pool boy, Javier- who likes me braless. ‘

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Tune in again for another stirring episode where Enid buys a small island, Honoria kills a condor to have a one of a kind clutch bag made and Granny slips into something comfortable ……

 

 

photo credits: style.com. All images remain the property of their original owners.

Busy, Busy…bored. Vogue 1210


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Well, we made it thru the belly of the annual beast. You know, the annual torment of Halloween at your local sewing store. The period where you can only post on Pattern Review if you are making an Elsa costume. The season where a 5 minute trip to buy 1 freakin’ invisible zipper turns into a 45 minute ordeal as you navigate past wild-eyed non-sewers whose child will DIE of the screaming fits if they don’t get to be Pignite and by God it better look just like they see it on tv!!!! I’m not against Halloween-I swear. I just don’t indulge in it myself- I mean really, do I dress like I need a night without tasteful restraint and borders? Anyhoo…..

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I’ve been hunkered down in the sewists Bordello trying to fill in gaps in my work wardrobe. How does the clothing from last season disappear when you put it in its totes? Do the skirts gang up on the tops and demand a sacrifice or did I just not match much last year? I sense foul play among the woolens. So now I have a suit, 2 dresses, a skirt and a top all done. Blog much? nopes. As usual my fickle flighty self is now bored with anything I’ve already worn. Well, tough toenails- I must continue my sainted work of showing the webs what a chubby gal can do with the wrong pattern and fabric choices. But I am weary- I am stressed. So I head to the woods for a quiet interlude with the forest primeval. To truly enjoy nature and it’s inhabitants, one must be unobserved and subtle. So I donned a simple floral to charm the local geese. Vogue 1210. An OOP that I first admired on the Thornberry.

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I know how much joy I bring to the geese. They love me and I am their queen. See how they gather about me like…….geese.

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As a special treat I  croon some Stevie Nicks to them, since the dress is so perfect for it. Really, am I not channeling the Nicks? I swear a goose that looks suspiciously like Tom Petty just tried to hump my boot.

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Alright, lets see- did I make this pattern my own? Just a little. I couldn’t help finding the bodice a little plain. Seriously tho- do some alterations- if I weren’t deploying the modesty tank top, you’d see my appendix in this. I added some little silver details- cuz I’m gaudy and I know it. Extreme bustal closeup- hide the children!

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Well, I’ve nurtured the geese and showed the locals how to dress for a picnic, now it’s time to return to my home and once more don the mantle of urban sophisticate that I am. If you can find a copy of this pattern, it’s a quick whip up and very forgiving me thinks. Pattern Review has some lovely versions including Ms Thornberry with contrast fabric. Go see!

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photo credits: meadhawg, pattern review, pinterest, google images, Fanpop. All images remain the property of their original owners.

Wearable Wednesday Thomas Tait


Psst- check out their feet!!!!! It’s really  the safest place to look.

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Did he leave the models in the bath too long?

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She looks like a half eaten bag of taffy from the shore.

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This is a rejected idea for the Nutcracker- alternate ballet- Rise of the Demon Cupcake Queen

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No one ever thinks to bring their patio awnings in during a hurricane.

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Did she do something wrong? Are you punishing her?

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And they’ve brought down the checkered flag- we should have a winner announced soon!

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photo credits: style.com. All images remain the property of their original owners.