Wearable Wednesday Stella Jean


Ok, I know I have questionable taste- but can I have each of these pieces for my Russian peasant Southwest Cossack party?

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Security photo taken right before Angela was arrested leaving Pottery Barn:

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Little Cyndi Lauper was asked to leave St Bartholin’s girls choir, but she knew one day they’d all be sorry.

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Why…..WHY do I not have a tassel sample skirt?????

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Are her feet in quarentine? It takes a very unattractive shoe to distract from a gilded monkey fetus dickie. Yes, yes it does.

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Look! her tie is tie-dyed…or is it her tye is tie-died or tied-died or….aw, screw it- look at the batik clown suit !

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Agnes was only a pilgrim in the Thanksgiving pageant under protest. But I think the administration knew she was trying to send a message.

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Behold! I am your High Priestess of the Arts and Crafts Aisle! Anoint me with puffy paint and throw googly eyes at my feet, slaves!

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photo credits: style.com. All images remain the property of the original owners.

Butterick 6166- the Courts still out


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Remember Butterick 6166? I sewed it with the least natural fiber I could lay my mitts on and broil when I wear it- it’s like a business class scuba suit. My fault- I’m still a sucker for a pretty and not so functional fabric. You know. Heres the little meltdown now:

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Ok, so has it held up ? Is it getting out of the closet much? Well, it still makes me feel constricted. But thats just me. I like my baggy art teacher foolishness.

Last week I hit that work wardrobe wall  where I realized I was relying on cardigans and t-shirts and it hurt my heart. But what did I want to be when I grow up, I thought?

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1917: American actor Theda Bara (1885 – 1955) holds a peacock feather fan next to a bed in a still from director J Gordon Edwards’ film ‘Cleopatra’. Bara is wearing a costume consisting of a bustier and sarong with a long peacock feather train and a peacock feather headdress.

Ok, well, yes, I want to be Theda Bara, but lets think practical- I hate being photographed. I found myself pining alot of outfits with cross overs and underpants. No. Wait- pants under them. I do not pin underpants. Stop giggling. Shut up! Back on point!

Ahem- like this:

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But wear do you wear this? Or this:

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Or this:

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Really, it’s just a hop and skip to you eating a horses heart alone in the cafeteria while your co-workers fear you.

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Ok, this mother of dachshunds needs to tone it down a bit. Ok- ready?

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*translation below

Ok, so this little experiment is the crossover piece laid over a 2nd one going from the other shoulder and the rest follows the pattern- but- without the gut swaddling girdle thing. I really hated how it only went across the front- I’m partial to a nice full obi type foolishness. The back is darted and zipperless. This is a crinkle gauze that looks so heavy and fall- but is actually quite cool. Pardon the humidity- I look like a chicken in a windstorm.

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Ah, fudgesicles- look at that drag line. I’d like to swear it’s the pose- or the field or something. Sorry Mrs Mole.I have failed you.

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This fabric scared me. It screamed ‘broomstick skirt smelling of funny cigarettes’ so it stayed in my closet for quite a long time.  So it was the perfect sacrifice for an experiment. I think I’ll get some wear out of this, I can’t help thinking it’s pretty gloomy for summer, but, hey, what would Daenerys do?

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photo credits: little me, pattern review, pinterest. All images remain the property of their original owners. Thank you Wired Magazine.
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Wearable Wednesday Loewe


Erin was so worried about dropping her hanky and breaking a rib in the retrieval process that she tied on some spares. Clever girl!

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They say dress for the job you want- Wanda picked gladiator.

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Lois found the cat ashtray she’d made her step mom for mothers day in the bin behind the pool house. She didn’t say anything, but clearly she gave a message.

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Huh, not all boucle is classy.

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One more ‘is that you tinkling’ joke and I’m gonna bust some asses, she thought.

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Not so much Klimt- more like Clumpt.

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Alice spent the morning being backcombed offstage by members of the official Wool council representatives.

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Do modelling contracts include chafing hazard pay?

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photo credits: style.com. All images are the property of their original owners.

Wearable Wednesday Simone Rocha


You ordered the haunting? Where do you want me?

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Gees, Helene, just admit you need help with the zipper, don’t be such a baby!

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I think the bust cups make it super sexy, don’t you?

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Yes, Becky, it kind of DOES matter which piece you put on first, I thought you were a professional.

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Um, whats with the bewb wickets?  Come on google search, don’t leave me hanging!

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Is she holding her spleen in? Or keeping it from unravelling further?

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This is why you don’t ring RuPauls doorbell before noon.

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photo credits: style.com. All images are the property of their original owners.

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Vogue 1333- I’m completely unbuttoned!


Got your attention, right? Enjoy a little Mack and Mabel:

You know I have dreams of crazy art teacher splendour for my wardrobe- I would love to swath myself in 40 yards of hemp linen tie-dyed with diabetic turtle urine, but alas, I am a little too large for such. But I hoard drapey skirt and tunic patterns and this skirt is among that group. You know you could totally straddle a pottery wheel in this, you know you could.

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But I’ve never considered the blouse. Judging from the envelope pic, Vogue hadn’t either. But lots of clever stylish ladies have.  Why not little me? It buttons down the front. I’m not a fan of this concept. It’s not about button hole production- I swear, I don’t even own any retail made button downs. I like how they look on my friend Barbara- who always looks like a Bouvier sister popping out to the farmers market on the Vineyard in one. Not me. I look like a junior management trainee at McDonalds. Seriously???

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I’m sorry, Ellen, the fry cooks  just can’t respect you in that.

But look at the sleeves on this pattern- so floaty- I can picture myself making decrees and proclaiming things in this top. Maybe I can UNBUTTON IT!!!!

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Ok, easy- just reposition the front on the fold and remove the excess needed for an overlap- then just pop in those shapely darts, stitch the shoulder and side seams and it should work just fine, right? Hmm….why am I stuck in this top?

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Ok, I didn’t do this- I actually planned ahead. It’s a new thing I’m trying out. Planning. Hmm.

So I decided to cut the front and back on the folds and to do the shapy darts on the front pieces, then, shape the back with a strip of covered elastic attached at the back. Cinching without being permanantly stuck in my new blouse.

I think it worked. What do you think? Let me preface this picture by saying it’s afterwork, the camera was hating me and well, you get it. But this picture looks like Ive just given the Nixon speech and the helicopter is waiting.

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I love that this is fitted volumninosity- seriously- 2 darts on either  side of the gut bagel area and it creates a nice line while still feeling like pajamas. Freestyle Flying Squirrel sleeves!!!

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Now I had this great idea to rep[lace those back darts and here’s my only action shot that wasn’t blurry- I have no idea what I was doing, but assume a muddy dog may have been involved:

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Well, I’m super pleased and feel very much like Marie Curie- you know, I altered a blouse and thats kind of like discovering two elements, right? Right?????

Here’s a picture from the aborted sunday photo shoot- hence the monday posting, which I don’t usually do. Does this make me look fat?

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photo credits: pattern review, little me, youtube, google. All images remain the property of their original owners.

Wearable Wednesday Bernhard Willhelm


They say if you see her before bedtime- you will be in constant torment no matter how much Nexium you swallow. .

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Arthur knew he’d never be a policeman, but he would be the best traffic cone he could be!

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Mom, this is Othello- we’re in love! He’s an artiste!

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Eric didn’t like to be a complainer, but it seemed clear that the costume store didn’t know a damn thing about Iron Man.

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Lucy, maybe you can explain why all the bathmats are missing from dorm 12….hmm?

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A secret order of Ronin warriors who follow Debbie Harry around an keep her safe.

 

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5 seconds: List a place you shouldn’t go dressed like this:

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photo credits: style.com. All images remain the property of the original owners.

Wearable Wednesday Dolce & Gabbana



I feel an unfortunate theme coming on. 

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Would an apple a day keep this dress away?

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Well, Alannah, we told you to wear something under it- it’s obviously made of kitchen scrubbies!

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Haha, very funny, yes my name is Crystal and this is a chandelier, soooo funny.

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The Sydney Lanier middle school band lost its best majorette when Sally altered her uniform without permission.

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I can see Phyllis Diller threatening the maid while wearing this.

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Are those frog prince lapel details? Be still my immature heart!

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Oh, no, I’m not trying to be rude- I was just trying to read your crotch….don’t hit me with the Popes incense burner!!!

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Never before- and I researched it- has anyone every said, ‘You look like a geriatric discoball’.

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An unnamed sultan offered this model $5 million to rub him all over in this outfit while singing ‘tiny bubbles’.

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I WILL be buried in this.

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Photo credits: style.com. All images remain the property of their original owners.