“Yes, you dahling- the ungainly one by the eyewash station with the obviously dyed hair- come here, Dahling!”
“Do I know you? Aren’t Edna Mo-“
“Hush! The Pixar’s have ears everywhere- very litigious- no names! Call me….Madame E will do!”
“Hey, what are you doing>? That’s my $22.99 with free shipping thru Amazon Prime Ruffled maxi cardigan in rich neutral!”
“It is a pilly schemata! I will burn it!”
“Careful- you’ll set off the alarms!”
“Your style is settling off alarms! I am putting them to rest! This! This is for you dahling! I call it……hmm….THE TEFLON GEKKHO!!!”
“Why are you not running in circles dancing the jig of your sun-adverse people? This is a jacket of GREAT style and perfection!”
“I think it’s the gecko part- it’s confusing….”
“I watch you Dahling- I see you in your little office, the doctors breaking your spirit and handing you their empty Red Bulls- you are meant for greater things!”
“My own Red Bull?”
“Bah! I see the real you- your pale belly, your neck wattle- your all seeing eyes! GEKKHO!”
“Gecko Dahling! Behold- your Vogue 1682 Teflon Gecko Jacket! The envelope says ‘Misses Top’ but it is more of a jacket, you get me, I know. It has three sleeve pleats for extra durability when resting ones elbows on the desk top during long winded surgeon calls- also pleats that give extra range of motion for reaching for more post-its!”
“I really like the collar- is it like a cap-“
“NO! IT IS NOT LIKE THAT AT ALL!!!”
“I’m sorry, I like capes.”
“No. I will speak, you will model. Look at the fancy! The pattern calls for her collar to be contrast, but NO! I know best! I flip it- I give it life! I give it…..GEKKHO! Some would think it was a mistake and I appliqued geckos to make it look like a plan- THEY ARE WRONG! I MAKE NO MISTAKES! ONLY INNOVATION!”
“I like the little tails- what is this fabric?”
“Proprietary secret! Look! I cannot burn it-“
“OH! Hey, that hurts!”
“But you are only burnt where the jacket does not cover you- see? “
“But I am still burnt, can I have some aloe?”
“NO EATING DURING FITTINGS!”
“Ok, I’ll just-“
“You’ll just hush- look at how strong the fabric is!”
“IS that an icepick? Stop! Please! I believe you!”
“Dahling- these buttonholes took 2 needles and a Ukrainian bodybuilder to sew- the thread- it had to be reinforced in my secret lab- very hushush- very powerful!”
“I really like this pattern- I’d like to sew it myself- maybe in a linen or maybe with……”
“SILENCE- Edna is speaking! Look at the special darts in the under collar- providing shaping and elongating the neck for better surveillance. Also flattering to those neck wattles I spoke of. Sleeves! Wide sleeves for karate chopping! Hiding of small grenades and snacks!! You like. Say that you like!”
“I think it’s lovely, really I do…..”
“OF COURSE YOU DO! WHO BUT AN IDIOT WOULD NOT! Special feature- convex back panel topstitching to flatter the back fat dahling- very nice, you see“
“What’s that beeping, do you hear it?”
“Dahling, I must go- fashion distress signal- I think it’s that Stark boy- he goes thru smoking jackets like a house on fire- HAHAHHAHAHHA! See what I did there dahling?”
Good afternoon all! I’d like to thank all of our volunteers- both our drama class students and our cafeteria and sanitation staff for helping us today as we, the faculty of St Grenadines look at suggestions for our new school uniforms!
Ellen! Take your nipples back to the choir room and wait for Dean Hannity!
Oh Cafe Server Doris, dont you look….jaunty!
Eric Phillips! Go back to 5th form! Your humor is not appreciated here!!
Well, this is…..functional. Perhaps a nice cardigan with our emblem? No votes? No? Thank you anyway Enid.
Oh, Sister Ermantrude! How charming you look! Please stop crying, you’re doing fine, dear!
Lunch Lady Helen! Oh, you are- as the kids say- wearing the heck out of option 4! Bravo! oh, those are your kitchen gloves? Ok.
Oh! This is sharp and very forward thinking for you future lady captains of industry! Do a twirl for us, Honoria!
Well, it’s definitely appropriate for our winters- tho Custodian Hurlehee promises the ladies dormitory will not ice over AGAIN next semester!
Well, this is a bit too casual for the chancellor’s consent- I think their feelings on denim have been long established- oh….I see. Sister Florentine, your Uber is here.