Heidi: Today we will judge your latest efforts and as always one of you will be moving on and one of you will be out.
Me: But I’m not a contestant, I’m just making some doll clothes for a friend…..does that light have to be right in my eyes?
Nina: Lets look at the first piece. I find this a little bland- do you really understand who your client is? Do you see perhaps a professional woman in this?
Me: well, no, more of a toddler, I guess.
Michael: Never underestimate your client! They are your Lifes’s blood! It’s the kiss of death, right Colin Firth, Guest Judge?
Colin: I’m not sure why I’m here, is this Helen Mirren’s Celebrity Duck Hunt?
Heidi: lets talk about the pink one! I’d wear that. In fact, I know my husband would love me in that. It’s like a Leider-romper!
Michael: Leider-rompers are SO Halston 1995….I’m so over it- it’s like a diaper cover or something for a washer woman!
Me; Well, it is a diaper cover…
Heidi: Can I try it on? NOW?
Me; um, I guess, the crotch snaps….
Michael: Did you say snap crotch? Oy vey!
Nina: oh, daring, risky – but so derivitive of Viviene Westwood 1984- is that really what you want to say?
Michael: Snap crotch takes me back to my Studio 54 days…..
Nina: It needs editorial thought and introspective- I’m not sure where you are going with this collection
Me: I’m not really a contestant on Project Runway-
Michael: Well, not if you can’t take criticism and act like you aren’t even involved in the competition! All designers get negative reviews- not me of course, I design for Gwyneth Paltrow, but other people get bad reviews….you need to toughen up and find your muse!
Colin: Seriously, am I being paid for this?
Heidi: Anne, I think it’s obvious that you have ideas, a good work ethic, but your vision is muddled and your collection looks like it’s for an incontinent fatty. I’m sorry, but it’s ALVETERZANE!
Nina: Colin, can I get a ride to that duck hunt with you?
Colin: No. Not unless someone pays me for this.
I sure hope Bitty Baby is more understanding…..
Photo credits: Definitely NOT style.com