Burda- why ya gotta treat me so bad?

Burda and I have a special relationship. I have a favorite babydoll dress I wear all summer and ignore how my tuckus looks in, and evertime I trot it out I think, “Oh Burda, I love you, lets look for more patterns just like you!’ and then the horror starts. Burda treats me like the guys back in high school…… ‘Oh, mama, Burda isn’t bad- just misunderstood!’   Oh, honey no. Sometimes Burda is bad.  Grab a malted and hear my tale.

I’ve only seen this pattern reviewed with the long-sleeved version. I wanted something a little different and I wanted to use more of my foolish upholstery purchase of 2011, so I chose the other view. Thats when the party started.

    This is when Burda started to remind me of guys I’d known. They never want to tell you what they are thinking!!! Burda 7401 just didn’t want to talk feelings with me.

Once you have put the darts in the front side piece and the back side piece, they are never mentioned or shown again, so if the written instructions are as vague as a high school boy (they are) you end up relying on the faithless pictures to guide you. 

‘Meet me later, we’ll hang out’  Where, when???? Hey, will you call me???????

  I read the pattern, I reread the pattern, I lit candles, I wailed and gnashed my teeth. I searched online and everyone had the same issue- so  I pinned her up onto Twiggy and tried to piece it out. For some reason, I just couldn’t wrap my mind around the sleeve pieces having a dart in the front, a dart in the back and then a straight rectangle side panel separating them- distorting the shape in my mind. Am I crazy? I let Twiggy wear it for about a week and she didn’t give me any good advise.  I contemplated aggressive acts upon it- I wondered how well that fabric would look as a throw pillow- a kimono sleeved throw pillow. I even tried to make it jealous by talking to other patterns, but no, it would not share its innermost feelings with me.  It even cheated on me with other people! Pattern Review Ok, sure it was last year, but damn it, it still hurt!

Finally I just gave in and put that stupid side panel in and oh, look, it’s a little jacket- how fun, how cute! it’s a 2 day project turned into a week of stomping and fist shaking and questioning my sanity. Seriously, I need to be thankful that my life is so dramaless that THIS was the thing that kept me up at night. Thanks, Lord.

Photo shoot hijacked officially:

At that point I really felt that I was going to make it to the prom with this pattern, but no, that’s when I started to wonder about closure. No, not Dr Phil closures- the actual ones that keep my flesh covered. Ok, I read the instructions a 54th time. There are no instructions about closures! Are we to assume that gaudy bib necklace of old typewriter keys on the envelope is the only thing securing that top? On the back of the envelope I see a picture advising me to buy 2 snaps, but where they might best be sewn is up to the wearer.  ‘Snap discretion’ is the better part of valor, I suppose.  I gave it a little lapel fold and it felt a little less boxy. I like.

Welll, it is her chair.

photo credits: meadhawg, google images

47 thoughts on “Burda- why ya gotta treat me so bad?

  1. Ha, yes, Burda patterns are just like boys! Burda, why would you construct it like that? What were you thinking, Burda? Why are you so vague? Even though the instructions are technically in English, they’re still somehow totally inscrutable…
    Cute jacket, though!


  2. I am a Burda virgin. Now I am scared to try.

    I am glad to see you are finally sewing so as to coordinate with your dogs. I bet they are happy about that too.


  3. Well, even with all the drama, the end result was worth it. You look fabulous in your new jacket. 🙂

    And yeah, Burda instructions suck. I’ve never tried one of their envelope patterns, but the ones in the magazines are like an information desert. It’s just you and the sand, with no help in sight.


  4. Oh, the jacket came out way better than I would have expected after all that sturm und drang! The style looks good on you and may I say, I love your color palette! It is so flattering.

    To me, Burda is more like the mean girls group at school. “You? With your pathetic excuse for a chest and your distinctive pear shape? You want to hang out with us? PUH-leeze!” I just admire the clothing from afar (much as I did with the mean girls).


  5. You are sooooo good for my blood pressure, I was laughing so hard!!! I totally hear you about Burda’s so-called instructions. Now that I live in Holland I buy the Burda pattern magazine almost every month, but those crappy instructions and my crappy Dutch really aren’t a got match. I never even glance at them… In the end your jacket came out great, actually. And I love everything about your fabric, the rich brown, the shine, the body. It’s a home dec fabric, you say? I need to look in that section more often… yeah, ’cause that’s what I need, more fabric…


  6. Ah yes, the infamous Burda destructions. They treat every one badly. If it wasn’t for the pictures (sometimes) I never would have figured a few things out myself with a few of my bad boy Burda’s. I have a one I know of that I looked and looked for the written instructions to accompany a picture and a casing. to no avail of course. But I do like the fit on them and I love some of the details, assuming you can figure out how to do them!


    • What??!! You mean expressions like “neaten” don’t seem sufficient for you? Aren’t so grateful they tell what type of underwear to choose? Or when a design requires shapewear? Personally, I wake every day thankful I live in world with Burda. Otherwise, I’d never know when to wear a bra or to be mindful of evil VPL.


      • Ok, the shapewear comments on in the magazine just kill me- then thy go and make every plus size outfit like a tent- so I wonder if they think I should wear anything under it at all?!


  7. Louise says:

    Your jacket looks great! I am currently trying to make the short-sleeved version myself. I got to those infamous side panels and have become completely stumped. I can’t get my straight panel to play nice with the curve of the jacket front. I’ve thrown the pieces on the floor several times and jumped up and down on them. Since yours came out so well, I’ll have to keep trying!


    • Take a deep breathe. Stomping up and down on pattern pieces is of course the first step toward enlightenment. I stay stitched the panel pieces to make it play a little more nicely and then chanted ‘please work, please work, please work’ while sewing it slowly to the darted areas.


  8. That colour looks fabulous on you.
    Looking at the envelope photo, my guess is that one snap would be at the corner to keep it closed. The second snap could be anywhere else on the front


  9. sewforward says:

    I know what you mean about Burda patterns – I’ve been sewing from the Burda Style magazine for about a year or so and sometimes I love it and other times -ARGH!!


    • If I can get past the tracing stage I am ok with the magazine, but I swear, if I miss one piece during that ordeal and have to go back and hunt for it- game over!


  10. jadesabre9 says:

    At least it turned out well in the end. Sometimes you win, sometimes the pattern wins. Well for me, most of the time the pattern wins. But you clearly won this battle. Way to go! 🙂


  11. So, my bad boyfriend Burda has been sneaking around and messin’ with other women’s heads! I’m not surprised. At least Burda doesn’t treat the other women better than he treats me. All of us have problems with him!


  12. At least it was an actual envelope Burda. It had that going for it. Otherwise it would have been another week lovingly, painstakingly drawing your man from a tangle of multi-colored lines, hoping he was really in there somewhere 🙂 Way to manhandle him and get him to look good on ya!!


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