‘Hello, LEGO hotline?’
“how may we help you?”
‘Ok, so I’m on the 2nd page of the instructions and I’ve just gotten to the part where I turn the facing, tack the pleats and….’
“I’m sorry ma’am, did you say ‘facing’? and ‘pleat’? Are you sure that you have called the correct number?’
‘Well…..I tried the Burda website and it didn’t really help so much, but I’ve had very good experiences with LEGOs over the years and just throwing out the instructions and doing what it looks like it says to do and I know what the blouse SHOULD look like and um…..’
‘Ma’am- are you trying to make a Burda pattern using their instructions?’
‘Well, actually…..yes. I’m sorry I bothered you, I was just so frustrated……and this number was in my husbands rolodex…’
‘It’s no problem, Ma’am we get this alot….hold please and I’ll send you to one of our ‘Burda Pattern depression counsellors we’ve set up to help you….and thank you for calling the LEGO hotline’
Last night I came very close to doing this. Very close. I also came very close to just using the pattern pieces as coasters.
Miss Holloway seriously earned her stripes this weekend. I used french seams frenched’ the whole thing, so not only was I dealing with instructions that baffled, I was turning it in 8 directions. It may take days for the vein in my temple to stop throbbing like Bruce Banner?! Why must I keep returning to the Burda well? There just ain’t no water there and certainly no Dr Pepper?! Ok, see how this looks NOTHING like the cover? Yeah, I see that too.
Maryfrana posted a review of this pattern that I’ve had cut out and scowling at me and I thought, ‘face your fears, Anne’ so I did. Well, Mine looks nothing like the pattern, it kept evolving/devolving the entire time until I end up with a sort of jackety thing. Well, you know I like jackety things- especially useless ones, so I’m ok with this, but, my husband the direction following, diagram loving type would just be aghast at this. Lets just say I took the LEGO Att-Att instructions and made a Tudor cottage.
I know the front panel was supposed to fold across and tuck into the front lower bands, but this felt more ‘me’. Yes, that’s it, I made a style choice, I wasn’t totally baffled by the instructions. I swear one day the husband will walk by the sewing room door and the cats and I will be wearing tricorns made from the Burda instructions and rocking back and forth muttering…..I know I was supposed to tuck these happy front flaps into the lower facings and it would cross over and form sort of edgy kimono, but I was seeing armistice blouse or something and left them out. Yes, I know that i keep repeating that I knew what I was supposed to do, but Lord if it didn’t make no sense at the time! Will someone kindly come over and remove the Burdas from my pattern bins before someone gets hurt????
Curse you, Burda! I am foiled again! But I sort of win, too. I do like my jacket and my mini stormtrooper escort….
photo credits: Pattern Review.com, Meadhawg**NO desktop Stormtroopers were harmed during the making of this post**
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