Hmm. 
Does she have- ?
Are they- ?
No, I must be mistaken…wait- I think I see- are those-? 
Huh. 
Oh, well, hmm. Ok, I just have to ask. 
Hey, am I crazy or do the models have cloven hooves? No. Forget I said that. Thats crazy. I must be mistaken. 
Ok, I’m sorry, you’re right. That was a rude question. I apologize. Nice scarf, by the way.
photo credits: style.com
‘I know you have the microfilm Trixie,’
‘You don’t have a thing on me, Paulo….’
“I know you’re aiding the resistance, and I know you’re irresistible….’
Trixie totally would have made it thru boardercheck with the microfilm, 2 filing cabinets full of classified info, 4 Von Trapp children and possibly Humphrey Bogart on her if she’d worn my latest creation.
I love you Cynthia Rowley, but Simplicity pattern tech drawings have done you wrong. Unless I am totally missing something, the pleat center front on this adorable blouse is really not cool. Once more a waif on a cover does not make for Annie-fied elegance in reality. That pleat lays down like a dachshund on a sunporch in the picture. On me? It’s like an accordion during Lady of Spain?! It is open almost to the waist- laying flat in the picture of the model who is probably tired of being referred to as laying flat. 
I almost can’t see my feet- and you know how I love my shoes! Thats a crime! Is it as bad as I keep thinking or is it just from my angle? Everytime I looked down at it last evening it was spreading like a beach umbrella. I still like this blouse and I love the fabric as you all know. Lets focus on the parts I really like. It has a nice curve to the waist making it very girly and not bulky. I liked the look of the little shot of color on the long-sleeved view, so I changed my bands and facings to a contrast bias tape and I’m liking that quite a bit. What do you think? I also skipped the side zip- and still can get in and out of it easilly. But look at that spreading box pleat! 
Now once more I call upon the advise of the sagest counsels I like this blouse in theory, but what sort of redrafting, tacking, threatening should I do to make the pleat sit? Is it just a matter of stitching it closed higher? Will it lose the shape and line of Cynthia’s flat chested intentions? I feel like I have a giant napkin tucked in there. I think I lost some jellybeans in there earlier?! All this cobnstant blouse yanking is most unseemly! 
photo credits: pattern review, meadhawg, google images
Legal Disclaimor: We at the ‘Grievances will not be held responsible for retinal tears or strains as you try desperately to pull your view down from the serious hair antics to the actual clothing in this weeks post. There. my dachshund legal advisors are appeased. I can’t promise you that I won’t bring up the hair myself tho. 
Now I want to say for the record that I didn’t pick this designer strictly to make fun of the styling. I genuinely like pirate boots and the intriguing draping of this collection. I am also a huge fan of last names that give you carpal tunnel while filling out forms. My dearest hope is that her first name is short for something just as impressive. 
I think if I could afford it, I would be a serious coat whore. The lines of all these coats are really fascinating- I’d love to watch Ms. D drape.
Aw, crap. This post is HARD! I keep putting the same picture up and having to redo- did I use the one with the shellacked glove on her forehead? Dang, I did. Start over. I’m not as big a fan of the dresses tho- the same fab lines seem very bulky when not used as outerwear. This next one is an exception.
I don’t know why, but suddenly I’m remembering that time when Fabio was hit in the face with a goose. Weird random thought, huh? 
I like the blue- it gives you many more exotic bird options. As you may know, I’m sort of a sucker for 80’s retro- I love some big shoulders and military looks. This has a non-plaid Westwood feel to it, maybe that’s why it’s my favorite. 
If perhaps back in the 80’s during that Cruel, Cruel Summer….Adam Ant got frisky with all of the members of Bananarama, what would you get? Just thinking aloud, don’t mind me…
Do you think they had Flock of Seagulls playing on a loop during the show?What do you think, shellacked bird hair and all?
Photo credits: Style.com
Ah, me. I’m over summer. I’m having visions of capelets dance in my head. But baby, it’s the south. It’s hot! So hot! Right Maggie? 
Yup, it sure is. So more summer dresses, tho my heart just is no longer in it. Does anybody else feel like summer dresses lack texture after a few months? I want to touch tweed and pinwale. Maybe it’s just that it feels so wilted- like wearable dead foliage. 
Phew- thank Goodness for support hose, can I get an amen?
I’ve been really admiring coveting all these sleek bodices with dart interest and fun details. Well, denial is a river that I cannot paddle, so to the Lisette I went. I love Lisette, you know that, right? I would stand under its window and play my boombox on 11 to get its attention.
The bodice of this one doesn’t really shake the earth when you look at the pattern cover, but it has a nifty ‘dart 1 side, fold burrito-like over do dart 2 …admire your origami abdominal’ bodice and I’ve been seeing so many similar styles that I just wanted to play too. This had some fit issues for me. Ok, it’s more fitted than I had hoped for. I’d like more air between me and my synthetic fiber choice. I need to get better at FBAs- it’s a work in progress for me- I end up having to add little darts to my armscyes on things like this to keep them from looking wonky. I think a better FBA would cure this. So I’m not very comfortable in this dress, it might not see much wear. Do you hear that? A slightly uncomfortable Lisette? What on earth is that about?? I want to love you, but I’m not sure I can- I feel restrained in it. Thats not cool. Especially because the first wearing was at the Greenville Literacy Associations annual ‘Really big book sale’. My faithful husband came along, last year he noticed that some of those geriatric mystery fans could get really elbowy if they thought you were hovering in the Poirot longer than was decent. So he was running interference for me, edging in next to me so I could get more time at the tables while I scanned my list and checked my goodreads ap. This year he borrowed a wheelie grocery cart from his mother- claiming that the tote bags were unwieldy. Yes, right- he used that puppy like a cow catcher! ‘Hey, lady- drop that Raymond Chandler and my husband will stop crackin’ your ankles with this buggy!’
So, I’m sure that you understand that Mr B was too busy assaulting the Dorothy L Sayers fans to take pics of little me in my new dress. He was a trooper- several people commented (not so politely, imagine!) on how spoiled I was- I’d find a book and just blindly hold it up and he would cart it. Can I help it if he just really likes the cart organized? Of course not.
So here I am in downtown Greenville for lunch following. Um, well, I don’t know why there is a bronze wart hog/pig statue with a drool issue. But, hey- that’s where I’m posin’! This dress is perhaps not a keeper- it kept riding up suspiciously all day- I don’t know what that means…..I think it will go to the closet of shame for a bit until I can love it again. I’m not sure that me and sleeveless should join together. For some reason, cleavage is ok, but sleeveless feels NAKED! I know these pictures are not the best views of the dress and I guess that’s pretty telling- a new make that feels like it needs this much camouflage is probably a fail. I mean really, I have an anatomically correct wart hog in the pics to distract you from my lame dress. Tsk,tsk. 
Oh, and if you’re wondering about a book talley………..53….but it’s for charity!
photo credits: pattern review, meadhawg
Disney approaches in 50+ days. I have costumes to make and final ensemble planning to do.
We’re going to the Halloween party as Dr Sherman and his niece Darla, the fish killer. Finding braces will be the hardest part, but I really am just not ready to work on my Darla outfit. So I avoid, avoid, AVOID!
I’ve made a set of pattern weights:
I’ve printed and fondled all my new Victory Patterns (love, love) and I’ve made a garment bag!
My luggage is a subtle Betsey Johnson leopard print that I love- you CANNOT lose it at the airport- seriously- it cannot be missed on the belt! Alas, Betsey didn’t plan a matching garment bag and I have a lot of hangy stuff to take with me. Mr b claims the luggage is full of books and everything else is on hangers. Well, yeah, of course, whats your point?
So I combed the net and found a lot of good advise and then I pulled out a lovely blue floral upholstery that the Deanna had left behind. Basically, I put a dress up on a hanger and measured how much ease I’d need around it and put a zipper down the middle of one side. This I good for now, but if I’d had more planning in it piping and inside pockets would have been done. It also is only 2 inches deep, so that will be outgrown quickly! I did get a little loop on the bottom so it will fold over and be compact in the cargo area. So I sort of had a plan!
But I’m not done avoiding Darla yet! I also made a little Lisette blouse- while watching ‘Boss’ this week. While I was sewing I wasn’t paying much attention, it all just flowed so easily that’s when I realized how many times I had made this blouse:
and:
This is of course the largest version so far! yes, those are dachshunds, God’s most blessed pups.
Oh, and before I forget- Blog moment! My stats reveal that I have had 50,000 views! So thank you to all the poor individuals that stumbled across me during Google searches for :
Heidi Klum in a diaper
Eric Von Zipper
Marilyn Manson without makeup and of course just random searches for ‘weiner’…….
I’m glad that you stayed to play!
photo credits: meadhawg, google images, little me
We could do this one as a responsive reading- I show you a picture and you say, ‘ohh, pretty!’ ok?
And the people say….’oh, pretty!’
I’m a sucker for fishnets, I even wear them with my scrubs- seriously- I love to push a dress code. Enough about me- back to Andrew…
Is there a thing called goth-twee? This could be climbing that fence, perhaps…. I love a furry shoulder- so comfortable on car trips and for your formal falconing occasions. 
hmm…cat teasers!
hmm…we need to see some color…
Is it just me or did that model look a little like Richard E Grant? I’m ok with it, I just wondered…
I jut love the lattice shoulder area. Totally covetous. Like a hot Mary Todd Lincoln….
Oh, me likey! Lets hear an, pretty!’ for this next one: 
Your thoughts on fishnets, gothy-tweeisms, last names without consonants or just whatevs?
photo credits: Style.com
McCalls 6520- possibly my worst fabric idea ever. 
See the cute little stripey one? With the shoulders that remind me of old baseball jersies? Thats the latest victim. I took a few liberties with it- I am not a huge fan of drawstring self-belts, so I thought I’d just thread a real belt thru there and feel good about it.The casing is alot wider in reality than on the dainty miss in the picture.
I also didn’t have one button that felt right with this fabric, so I used pearly snaps. By the by, none of the animals like me with a hammer. Oh, Katze- it’s ok!
I was coerced into this novelty quilt fabric last year by an over-zealous friend and hadn’t thought of a thing to do with it- I didn’t want to break up the print and I think it risks going ‘housedress’ very easily, so it has languished in the textile hoarders closet for far too long. Just because you admire this: 
Doesn’t mean that you should wear this: 
Maybe I just wanted to have Wanda B with me all the time!
Oh, the perils of sewing with quilty-cotton?! I know it’s a dirty word to some, but I can’t avoid a pretty print and in my neck of the woods, that is the best range of options. I’m not sure that I pulled it off this time.I’m warming to it, but I’m still not totally sold. My husband assures me that I don’t look like Babe Ruth in a nightie. He’s very good that way. It is very comfortable and I enjoyed pulverizing snaps while watching Buffi get tossed off the Michael Korr’s show- Lord I was not fond of her work! Did anybody think that Sergei didn’t get enough love for that dress? 
photo credits: pattern review, meadhawg
Wanda Jean was finished with men! You can’t trust them! The only one a girl can trust is Leslie Howard, her alpaca. 
He was so soft! So worthy. She planned to pack her bags and head to Peru to be with other people who understood! 
But what to wear? Ahh, AnnA Sui 2012 RTW to the rescue! 
Even Leslie approved. 
She hoped the Stabucks kept soy products on hand in the Andes…
Not to worry, she’d fully stock the Pruis with coolers!
But wait! Maybe she was being too rash- surely there was a man out there that understood her!
Wanda hoped that Leslie would understand…..
photo credits: style.com, google images
‘Hello, LEGO hotline?’
“how may we help you?”
‘Ok, so I’m on the 2nd page of the instructions and I’ve just gotten to the part where I turn the facing, tack the pleats and….’
“I’m sorry ma’am, did you say ‘facing’? and ‘pleat’? Are you sure that you have called the correct number?’
‘Well…..I tried the Burda website and it didn’t really help so much, but I’ve had very good experiences with LEGOs over the years and just throwing out the instructions and doing what it looks like it says to do and I know what the blouse SHOULD look like and um…..’
‘Ma’am- are you trying to make a Burda pattern using their instructions?’
‘Well, actually…..yes. I’m sorry I bothered you, I was just so frustrated……and this number was in my husbands rolodex…’
‘It’s no problem, Ma’am we get this alot….hold please and I’ll send you to one of our ‘Burda Pattern depression counsellors we’ve set up to help you….and thank you for calling the LEGO hotline’
Last night I came very close to doing this. Very close. I also came very close to just using the pattern pieces as coasters. 
Miss Holloway seriously earned her stripes this weekend. I used french seams frenched’ the whole thing, so not only was I dealing with instructions that baffled, I was turning it in 8 directions. It may take days for the vein in my temple to stop throbbing like Bruce Banner?! Why must I keep returning to the Burda well? There just ain’t no water there and certainly no Dr Pepper?! Ok, see how this looks NOTHING like the cover? Yeah, I see that too. 
Maryfrana posted a review of this pattern that I’ve had cut out and scowling at me and I thought, ‘face your fears, Anne’ so I did. Well, Mine looks nothing like the pattern, it kept evolving/devolving the entire time until I end up with a sort of jackety thing. Well, you know I like jackety things- especially useless ones, so I’m ok with this, but, my husband the direction following, diagram loving type would just be aghast at this. Lets just say I took the LEGO Att-Att instructions and made a Tudor cottage.
I know the front panel was supposed to fold across and tuck into the front lower bands, but this felt more ‘me’. Yes, that’s it, I made a style choice, I wasn’t totally baffled by the instructions. I swear one day the husband will walk by the sewing room door and the cats and I will be wearing tricorns made from the Burda instructions and rocking back and forth muttering…..I know I was supposed to tuck these happy front flaps into the lower facings and it would cross over and form sort of edgy kimono, but I was seeing armistice blouse or something and left them out. Yes, I know that i keep repeating that I knew what I was supposed to do, but Lord if it didn’t make no sense at the time! Will someone kindly come over and remove the Burdas from my pattern bins before someone gets hurt????
Curse you, Burda! I am foiled again! But I sort of win, too. I do like my jacket and my mini stormtrooper escort….
photo credits: Pattern Review.com, Meadhawg**NO desktop Stormtroopers were harmed during the making of this post**
Butterick, don’t think that we are besties yet- you are still on courtesy privilege in my book- strictly retro releases (love you) and already-owned-didn’t-know-any-better patterns. 
Remember my debate about girding my dainty loins in 14 yards of heavily pleated tinfoil? My fears: 
Ok, actually that is cute- my fear was that my hips would make me look like a support beam in Todd’s Blue Zoo….I highly recommend the clam chowder.
Well, fearlessness is part of 2012’s sewing resolutions, so I hiked up my big girl panties and found a way to avoid all those pleats! Ta-da!
The Mominlaw was taking us to dinner for the birthday at a new Sushi joint in town and threatening the floor seating. I deployed the emergency modesty leggings! I won’t wear them with this usually, I swear!
Yup, I used the lining pieces for the skirt and skipped that accordion minefield as God Intended!
I’m very pleased with the end result- I really put too much stress into this- once I saw a solution, it was like it was just supposed to be. I may make this again- Do you hear me, Butterick? You live another day, but I may kill you in the morning, as per our standard agreement.
So the moral children? As there must be one, right?
vivacious redhead playing accordion: Good!
semi-vivacious semi-redhead wearing accordion: Bad!
So use the lining pieces and make it work! Right Tim?
photo credits: Devaniweaver on Etsy, meadhawg, pattern review, google images
