Now we at the ‘Grievances have long puzzled over the feelings of these models together, haven’t we? This Resort 2014 collection features static pics of the designs and the ‘unwilling?’ models…….
I just hate all of these. From their marine footwear to the bathing caps, I am at the fifth level of meh.
Pugsly, is that you? Did they send you to fat camp?
camp? 
Sigh…. No. Lower case…sigh. I cant give it more than that.
These pants might not even be on frontwards. If she doesnt care, why should we?
Ok, this is passable. But we’ve seen it on skinny legs before. Tho the corrugated pipe material is a new twist. She looks like an exhaust hose.
She must have forgotten to put her ‘Saint Alphonse of the Blurred Models Parochial School’ patch on her uniform. 2 Demerits!
Seriously, if you only look from the knee down, it’s like Roger Sterling about to runamuck with his secretary!
When blankets attack. Seriously, she looks like a very unattractive bell.
OK, so weigh in with me sewcialists-
a. The models check didn’t clear, so he can’t legally use their faces
b. The models couldn’t stop shaking with excitement at the thought of keeping all these wonderful outfits
c. The model witness protection agency has finally gotten funding
d. Please tell me in the comments what the deal is with this show!
Photo credits: Style. com. All images remain the property of their original owners.
I’m with you – I hate them all. But – how many levels of meh are we allowed to go to?
And I am still laughing having checked the Roger Stirling reference by scrolling up a picture!
Keep up the good work 🙂
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Poor models! I just thought they had wild brows at first!
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What looks like a thin female model under all those badly fitting clothes is really a man. He and his married girlfriend were having a little afternoon fun in the bedroom when they heard the husband approaching. He dashed into the closet and tried to find something, anything, to cover his nakedness before he jumped out the back window to safety. He managed to grab his shoes with the socks stuffed inside but the poor creature could only squeeze himself into some of her garments before fleeing.
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Luckilly, she wasnt very into her clothing fitting her….
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The blurred faces make them look like they are shaking their heads really fast. Clearly, they are indicating that no, they do not like these clothes at all. I do not like these clothes at all either.
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I can almost hear the screams if ‘nooooo!’ As they shake.
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I think these blurred people have walked straight off a Dr Who episode in a hide behind the sofa sort of way. Plus the patent brogues that were on my wish list have been deleted. I will forever associate them with a creepy boss I had as a Saturday girl in Woolworths 1987 … Thanks for making me laugh on a rainy Wednesday morning!
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Haha – so true – or there was a famous episode of BBC drama “Sapphire and Steel” back in the 70s (early 80s?) called the Man without a Face, which was the single most terrifying thing I have ever witnessed. (Granted, I might not find it quite so pee-my-pants worthy these days).
I’d wear the blue stripy top – but it’s hardly cutting edge fashion!
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It looks like a Victorian gym uniform!
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Patent brogues that dont scream marine band would be very cool. These look rented bridal attendant!
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I’ve just nearly choked on my coffee! Truly hilarious. Both the outfits and the commentary. I have no words of sanity to add.
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Its hard to imagine how someone funded this.
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I am shaking my head at the thought of it. For sure the models didn’t get paid enough.
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They were definitely under protest!
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It was a dark and stormy night. Marcus, a student at the online Technical Institute of Garment Design University, took out his stash of plastic tablecloths from Party City and the copy of Drape Drape 24 that he had found behind a chair at Starbucks. Armed with only scissors and a stapler, Marcus created the resort collection of the future, clothing cache for black rain and radiation fallout. Casting aside all temerity, he donned makeup and a shower cap to model the collection himself. (Cleverly blurring his facial features to be unrecognizable to his avatar online professor). The shoes and socks were an oversight he hoped no one would notice…
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This is genius!
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I concur!
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His twisted vision was funded by the Bulwyer Lytton Design Scholarship of course! Get help, Marcus!!!
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Brilliant!
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Ewwwww. Usually I find something I like, the shapes, the fabric, the shoes but today I got nothin’ so I’ll have to go with choice ‘c’.
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My usual formula is find 3 good ones for argument sake, but I got sleepy posting these!
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The striped t-shirt with the shorts looks like a character from the Our Gang series. How anyone would think that this staging of models would sell clothes is beyond me. Got some bad advice somewhere.
Love your commentary though 🙂 Always a bright spot on Wednesday mornings, thanks!
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I can hear the Mack Sennett piano music….
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Oh Dear! They are not models but mutant manequinoids from outer space, or maybe just out a the basement..come to eat your faces off while you are asleep..mohhoohahaaaaa…
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They are coming for your diet coke…they cannot be stopped!
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I wonder if the model didn’t wamt to be associated with those clothes? Or could the designer only afford one model but wanted it to look like more, hence the blurred face? Or maybe s/he had a limited shoe budget so only one pair of socks and shoes?
Who are they designing this stuff for? I can’t think why any real person would wear these things if they look that awful on that poor girl. Or do they have the luxury of being whimsical and design things just to keep themselves amused. It seems like a massive waste of resources.
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It makes me sad. We all stress over fit and this gets by!?
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Not only do I really really hate these clothes, this designer makes me angry. There is only so much money to be invested in designers, and this incredibly poor excuse for a designer gets funding from someone, very likely leaving someone who actually has taste, style and could actually produce clothing that might flatter a female body without funding. Really. WTF. Does anyone actually buy this shit? Wait, that might be an insult to shit.
However kudos to Mrs Mole and Coco for explanations on the possibility of how this pile of excrement was created. I believe Satan was involved somehow.
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I vote Satan too.
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What the frack?! I don’t know… I just don’t know. I’m liking the Dr. Who theory. These are just horrible but the man shoes are almost distracting enough keep me from noticing how truly… HORRIBLE they are.
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Oh MY, that is one fugly collection. Time to throw them all in the Tardis and send it off to some other dimension. I find the blurred faces totally creepy. Stella agrees. If there isn’t a ball or a dead stuffy in ones mouth what is the point of shaking your head. Stella has left the office….just as this collection should be jettisoned to someplace hot and gassy.
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When the pup cant handle your mess it really says something!!
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An unattractive bell!! Haha! That really had me laughing. Perhaps the models were all vigorously shaking their heads “no, no, no, this will never work”…
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This isn’t design. These weren’t designed. Come on – black shorts, striped top, pleated (school uniform skirt) – all square and shapeless! I could design better! – Heck, my 9 year old grandson DOES design better – on Minecraft, where everything IS boxy and square.
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Maybe these are for Minecraft!
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I’m with the Dr. Who theorists.
e. She is a quantum model, simultaneously here and not, that’s why she’s blurring. DON’T BLINK!
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Im afeared!!!!
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Where is this resort? Apparently the climate is hot, humid and raining since loose short clothing is needed. But the ground it rough and cover with calf-high grass which can cut up your legs. But, of course, you can’t wear tennis shoes……so this was the fashionable alternative? Woo-hoo! Book me for a trip…..if you hate me.
As for the faces, I dunno- maybe they are willing themselves to melt like the witch in the wizard of oz?
I love your comments as always. I actually thought the dress was somewhat cute until you said she looked like an exhaust hose then I couldn’t stop laughing.
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This clothing sdoes not breath! The models are suffocating in it!
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I am just rolling laughing at this post. Gotta totally agree with you on all points. The last jacket isn’t bad, but not sure what the point is with this show. There is just nothing attractive about the way this was done.
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It feels so sad and uninspired!
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I love “When blankets attack.”
To be honest, I am worried that this collection is a send up about what may be worn by people dealing with severe mental illnesses. so wrong on many levels.
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It doesnt make me feel happy!
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I am continually amazed by what constitutes “fashion”. Where DO you dig up all this weird unhappiness? It would be an excellent research project for higher level of education.
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I have to say, I was so intrigued by the blur, I couldnt let it go!
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Hahaha! Miss Trunchbull’s wardrobe has been raided in some kind of initiation ceremony! “Now, how do I prove I have been in there and tried on all her clothes and still stay anonymous?, mmmm…..”, “I know, set up the self timer on my camera and shake my face!” Genius! – Brilliant post, as always.
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What the what now? Does this designer just hate women? “Let’s make everyone look frumpy and drab. Don’t even show their faces!!!” I feel like parading in wearing a completely red outfit and starting a slap fight. 😉
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Maybe someone slapped them til their heads rattled!
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Horrendous. Tis all I can say. It’s the work of a drunk monkey.
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I expect more style from my inebriate simians!!!
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Agreed!
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Is this what they’re talking about when referencing “androgynous style”? Or is that an insult to those who are looking for androgynous clothing? I really don’t know.
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Only if androgynous means ‘i cant tell what parts you are harboring under there’…..
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Dear Model (models – who the heck can tell?!),
No matter what this designer promised you, or what he’s paying you…it is not enough to be known as the girl (?) who posed in this train wreck! Trust me on this one!
Pro tip: When they told you at the modeling agency to respect the designer’s vision, they were talking about REAL designers. We all make mistakes.
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It makes me think of the poor models on PR- so sad sometimes!
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Pictures 1, 6 and 7 – the design makes the model look like she has very bad posture. #7 has some potential if you look just at the front, but why that cape affect at the back.
I agree with Kathleen – where in the world would this be appropriate dress to wear on holiday?
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It almost looks like the models are hunchback….
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Lol! I thought these were all mannequins because all the real models refused to wear those military issued shoes!
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Even mannequins wished to remain anonymous!
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OK, I seriously think Coco has nailed it! Designer run amuck in the night HAS to be the only reason anyone would a. show these clothes and be paid for it or b. style the models with that way.
Recommend he haul himself back to fashion school with emphasis on the class, fit and style curriculum!
Really horrid and SO unfashionable. Only one that comes remotely close to being wearable is the corrugated hose dress! Everything else…designer with tablecloths and a staple gun!
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These are horrible! I’m thinking they are in witness protection. Also, are we sure these are women and not just really skinny men with shaved legs? I really thought they were men- except for the passable, corrugated pipe dress model.
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I prefer my androgyny to look more Swintony- less ROTC!!!
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Half of these garments (if they can truly be called that) look like they are on backwards! I personally think the models were ready to be teleported up (or down for that matter) and not quite all of their atoms made it to the final destination- hence the blurred faces. Those poor poor models. I am sure we should be sympathizing with them? Maybe? A little? -L
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Models or hostages, its hard to tell!
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You know why they are dress so badly? They are criminals – each and every one of them! How do I know this? They have the same faces they show of people who are on the news and have broken the law. Don’t know if the same thing happens in the US – but this is the face of the crim in Oz.
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I think you have nailed it BeaJay. These are new designs for the kind of resort where you break stones with a pickaxe. Out with the orange boiler suit, in with the really punishing style.Plus point, no need for leg irons, No-one chances the humiliation of escaping in these.
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So true!
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Thats it! No belts or ties- no places to conceal a shiv!
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Here in the US I think that would be considered cruel and unusual punishment.
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Nothing much to add here…the first thing I thought of when I saw #2 is “We need to talk about Kevin”. Very, very scary…but I suppose that is why this crap is out there…shock value. Those shoes, those shoes…..
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I hope its shock value- I hope no one finds these asthetically pleasing!
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This post is hilarious. Love your commentary.
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I get great help!!
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Aww, bless, if it isn’t the children from The Village of the Damned all growed up and completed their fashion design correspondence course en masse. We should give them credit for attempting to be productive members of society – I mean, they even blurred their faces so that their death ray eyes won’t impel us to strangle ourselves with corrugated pipe dresses. Never mind that their collective hive mind couldn’t quite get out of the confines of 50’s school uniform and regulation black shoes, they tried their best. I think they’ll fit in marvellously in the fashion world…where would we be if the decided to become bankers or politicians and the like…?
(…much better off, I suspect)
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Like aliens hide out at Andy Warhols house- blending right in!
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Brilliant! Now I can’t decide whether I like this or the Dr. Who theory better.
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I’d happily stand next to models wearing these things because I’d look thinner. Really, who wants to look fat?
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