Do you have a body part that you prefer not to picture? Of your own, I mean. Not that person you end up next to in the changing room that really needs to get that thing seen to. I mean a part of you that you spend a lot of time draping and trying to distract from. Mine is my posterior. Yup. I hate my butt. Lets embrace it (not literally of course) but with some handy terms from the online slang dictionary:
Tuckus
Whoopie Cakes
Badonkadonk
Big Booty Judy
Bum
Keister
…and a bunch of other terms that will now feature heavily in my google search counts and disappoint many a teen pervert across the globe.
credit: http://melon-zest.deviantart.com/art/Coupling-Sally-quote-173229983
Whats wrong with my butt you ask? Hopefully you haven’t made this statement while squinting at your monitor and are just asking casually as a long suffering friend might. Its flat. Seriously. Like the plains. You have my lower back and then whoa- you are at my thighs and have no idea how you got there. Its so undefined that the Kardashians are holding a charity telethon and auction to raise money for it. Hey, it was this or humanitarian efforts, but this, they could spell and found to be much more upsetting.
So whats all this building toward? All this brave ass honesty? I made some pants. New Look 6246 to be precise. I’ve been toodling around Pinterest, doing nothing useful of course, and loving the look of the print pants I’m seeing. Then my favorite cousins from Ohio visited and Monica had all these great pants that looked good casual or dress up. Yes, I covet, you know I do! Check these out:
Um, ok, no.
Well, to paraphrase Jane Eyre, gentle reader, I sewed them. It was even a stash bust and I’m thinking, correct me courteously if I’m wrong, but the fit is even pretty good! Now whats the problem , oh whiny one? I keep putting them on, getting very close to the door, even getting husbandly compliments, but then I remember the unspeakable- that flat area that is now on display due to all the fun stripes bisecting it. I’m just convinced that if I don’t throw on a loose drapey tunic, serape or a blanket, that while I am standing in line somewhere (ok, in the cafeteria, probably) a drive in theatre will be built behind me and retro loving hipsters will makeout while watching the Creature from the Black Lagoon swim across my hindquarters.
Ok, enough stalling, here’s the victim pattern:
I love the ankle ties. I love the slim legs, I love pockets. I kind of love this pattern. It’s an elastic waist without looking like clown pants. Can this go wrong? Maybe not. Now, I’m used to leggings and jeans and the particular fit they have- these made me feel a little exposed- so I added a football shaped gusset to the crotch area- it doesn’t show, but makes me feel a little less concerned that they are too fitted.I made no other changes- I was very busy matching all these stripes! Here we are on the way to dinner with the Mominlaw. Let me just ease into this, ok? Here are my feet:
Ok, a little more- don’t make any sudden moves now.
Alright, deep breathes, I know I’m among friends, here we go…..Geronimo!
and now, the moment you’ve all been anticipating- the butt shot. Yes, I am ready for my wide angle reveal. I don’t own grey pants because I look like Eyeore from the back. Seriously, I just need a tail with a pink bow.
So tell me, do I just need a longish cardigan to ease my comfort level or just buck up? I don’t want to shroud myself and ruin the look of these pants. But…….
Time for a tension breaking quote form Coupling!
“When God made the arse, he didn’t say, ‘Hey, it’s just your basic hinge thing, let’s knock off early.’ He said, “Behold ye angels, I have created the arse! Throughout the ages to come, men and women shall grab hold of these and shout my name!” – Thank you, Jeff that brings it al into perspective, right?
Photo credits: pinterest, pattern review, meadhawg. All images remain the property of their original owners.
You can’t have great boobs and a great butt!!! And you have the boobs. HELLO! (Said in Mike Myers voice.)
I have a great round high butt BUT no chestial balance on top. Not complaining. Just stating.
How dangerous would it be if you and I had it all? Ouch! The blogosphere would explode!
That being said the pants are great. Thinking of making some in silk myself.
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We’d have to be very careful to only use our powers for good!
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Don’t listen to her, you so CAN have a great butt AND great boobs!
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You’d know baby!
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The pants look great on you. Don’t bother with the long cardigan or tunic – just g out and shake your moneymaker in some seriously funky pants.
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Heehee! I believe I shall!
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Yeah, buck up. You look great in them. Plus the fabulous glasses draw the eye straight to your face.
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Ok, but no making memes out of my back view!
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I have many thoughts, all of which boil down to: YOU LOOK AWESOME IN THOSE PANTS! Wear them, lady. Wear them with pride. The fit is great from all angles, and there is absolutely nothing about the back shot that seems disproportionate or odd. Wear the pants, lovely.
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Its the building- condemned convenience stores are very slimming!
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Love these! I too suffer from flat derriere syndrome! Nothing to do but shake that moneymaker gir! You look great!
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Thank you- I will see you at our convention in Tulsa!
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I admit that I scrolled to the money shot before I finished reading. All I could think was ‘what’s the problem and awesome pattern matching!’. I have the exact opposite problem and totally stressed the other day that the pattern on my pants was making my butt look even bigger than it already is. Well if you can wear these pants proudly and look so good then so can I. Thanks so much too for a seriously funny post. I did go back and read all the way through it (twice) and I haven’t laughed so hard in quite a while!
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Ah thank you!
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The pants look great on you! I’m inspired to try to make a pair for myself.
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Its a great little pattern!
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This looks really great on you! Wear them proudly .
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You are too kind, thank you!
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You look wonderful. Epic job with matching the stripes.
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Thank you, it was a good print to practice with!
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They look great — perfect pattern matching, and no extraneous bum bulges to distort the design! You don’t have any reason to worry, they look great. I have the opposite issue, and always worry about covering up because everything is too bumpy — we are always harder on ourselves than anyone else is, so believe your readers and wear these funky trousers proudly.
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Thank you, I will put them into my regular rotation!
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And I am another person who thinks that they look great! The stripes are so beautifully matched. I also have flat butt – but I don’t care at all about the flat butt! My time is spent trying to distract away from my stomach! So much of this is in our own heads. The pants are fantastic, your butt is fantastic, just the way it is, wear them with pride!
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Oh the time we spend hiding what no one ele is noticing!? Thanks!
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Let’s trade thighs for butts….you rock those pants, girlie! I have seen secret photos of myself in pants…it’s not a pretty sight but you can be proud to wear those all over town and don’t cover them up with some old shaggy cardigan….now the only question is…how fast can you make more????
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Heehee- Im mentally selecting more fabric already!
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Oh my gosh – I love you in these pants! The print is perfect for your backside and I really like the ankle ties!
I only think about a person’s rear looking funny in pants if they have out-of-proportion pockets or strange drag lines – both of which you do not have. Also you have styled them well with the rest of your outfit. If you were to coverup, I’d immediately think “she’s trying to hide her butt”.
Truly, you can wear anything as long as you look confident enough not to cause people to question your comfort level. Own it and no one will think twice about it. And besides, the best thing about your own tush is you never have to view it yourself. Listen to and believe your husband. =)
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Thank you, I will remember to forget my butt!
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Stop,it right now! You have done great job matching, the fit is near perfect. Put those pants on and go out to a crowded place show your bootie. While you are at it, look at all of the backsides encased in pants and shorts and know that yours look fantastic. I have spoken!
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Yes Captain! To the mall I go!
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I hate to dissapoint, but in this case that ain’t true. I love these pants on you. Embrace it, love it, cause it may not be your go to, but you rock it anyway.
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Thank you Rory!!
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Love them! Girl, they FIT! They do not look like something “Omar the Tent Maker” whipped up that makes us folks feel comfortable but actually look 10x bigger than we really are! Those are great! You make me think about pulling out my little Singer……
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Do it! This pattern is swell!
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Oh my gosh! I was a little let down. Your butt looks GREAT! Love the pants too. The ankle ties are adorns!
Thank you for the post full of suspense, and the chuckle. 🙂
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Like in Jaws- you dont want to show the monster too early!
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adorbs!
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Buck up, lady. You look fabulous in your printed pants. I have some printed linen I want to make in to a pair just like this. Love them!
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Ooh linen- that would be lovely!
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No need for a cover up whatsoever – these pants fits fit you so well! I’m a little obsessed with print pants at the moment (but have yet to make the leap into sewing a pair…) and you’re totally rocking these. I think this pattern may have been designed with you specifically in mind – the fit!
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Ive never had print pants before, i think Im hooked!
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Well after the build up I was expecting to see…. not what I saw. Love the pants, the fabric, finish and how the outfit was put together. By the way you really do not have a flat butt- I have to do serious FBA – that’s Flat Butt Adjustment to you – ( basically a reverse Full Bust Adjustment) on the back of my pants pattern before cutting out – add the flat behind to super skinny thighs so need to narrow the leg as well. All of this and trying to balance out the stomach and the boobs – basically I look like a carrot- so well done – make more and enjoy!
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Id like to see that tutorial!!!
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Ok here’s another pattern to add to my list. They look great on you – the fabric and the fit – just lovely!
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I needed a win this week, thanks!
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Anne, my dear, you seem to be in very good flat assed company, myself included. My damn sacrum sticks out further than my butt! Now, about those pants – holy smokes they are fabulous! First, you nailed the fit. Second, you stripe matched with absolute perfection. Third, what gusset? Fourth, they make you look taller and slimmer. They are overall very flattering. Fifth, make more!
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Slimmer? i look slimmer? To the cutting table!!!
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Ps. Love the photography in this post. The particular urban decay background goes nicely with the fabric print. Great choice.
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The husband loves his civic ruins!!!
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Are you looking at the same photos that we are? Buck up dear girl, nowt wrong back there at all! Terrific pants – fit, fabric and model. Wear as is, don’t cover up and strut your stuff with head held high.
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I think I will do a victory lap!
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Of course these are super. Your bottom is flattish but it curves into your waist and creates a very pleasing shape. If you wear a baggy top it will just make your lovely hourglass shape disappear. The ties are good as they show off your slim ankles. In other words a great look not an OK look. And the geometric, rusty background shots are splendid too. Super work. Well done.
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Thank you! I love the little ankle ties!
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These are wonderful, you look great!
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Thanks awfully!
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You don’t think you have a shapely behind? Come and stand next to me and you’ll look like Kim Kardasion. I have no bum, no boobs and no waist and I dare not stand near a wood yard for fear of being mistaken for a plank and turned into shelves.
I love the trousers, especially the ankle ties, and you look great in them. I am in awe of your sewing skills.
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The grass is always greener, right? Try this pattern!
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wow these look amazing and i think your butt looks fine in them – go forth with confidence.
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Thank you! Time to search for more to pair them with!
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I hope you have enough fabric to make a matching [short] jacket to take those pants multi-season. I think the pants and the stripey fabric give the illusion of some lovely curve in back. Two words: make more!
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Ive nevrr had a lovely curve in back! Yay!!
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Love love love! I am desperate to make some printed pants but just can’t decide which pattern or which fabric. Did you say which fabric you used? Fab!
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Your post last week kicked me in gear to finish these- once more you inspire me!
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There’s nothing at all wrong with the view. Wear them! Who was it said that style is an exposed position?
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I love that! Got to stitch that on a pillow!
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Gorgeous!
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Thank you Faye!!!
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no worries, you look great in those. I do get the feeling though, I have these bits of armpit fat (how would the urban dictionary call those?) and they are the reason I don’t like to wear sleeveless things, I worry that people will forever think of me as the-girl-with-the-armpit-flubs. Totally irrational, but in my head it is a serious thing.
By the way: that stripe-matching, wow!
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I have upper arm issues- I always stand like Im holding an invisible bridal bouquet to keep them from pressing against my sides and looking squealchy! Oh the training we give ourselves!?
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OMG, you look great in these britches! Yes, I have a part…it’s my thighs, they have always been wider than my hips, even when I’m bone-skinny. Back to your butt. You have a great butt! and look super in pants. Take this sincerely – slimmer than in a dress! Love this look on you. OK, I’ve gushed myself out….great fabric, BTW.
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This has opened doors for me! Im going to ride this trend like trigger!!! Maybe a patriotic pair to match your dress……
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Move along, move along, nothing to see here! I too have a flat bum, and I’m absolutely happy as Larry or the proverbial sandboy with said void…as is my lovely other half. Who does have a bum.
Your trousers look great [AND a stash bust- double win] so wear ’em and be damned!
As for my hated bit- well, where should I begin? The belly, the armpit-titty-mushrooms, the belly…
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We sew to provide artistic outlet and camouflage, right?
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C’n I just join in the general love of the trousers, and you in them, both front and back?
But the thing is, when I look at those piccies I’m not seeing a butt. I’m going ‘Love that top!’ Then ‘Oh yeah, look at those trousers, they’re great too!’
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Oh thank you!! I will tell my bestie who probably thinks she threw out the ivory top years ago…..
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I also have flat butt. So I totally sympathize. But if the pants fits well like this one, then it looks good from the back. I find back view is generally not the problem. It’s the side view that gets me down. If you have hip at the side, then well fitted back view would look perfectly fine. But there’s no hiding a deficiency of bump from the side. I’m even tempted to get bum pads! On the other hand, with pants and skirts that hang straight down (rather than taper in), an anemic butt may help avoid the tubby look where one is more square than rectangle. I think play with the top and bottom proportion and forget about how your butt compare with other butts. Butts never exist in isolation like the Cheshire Cat grin. So best to make sure the outfit looks good than to fixate on hiding this bit or that bit.
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You have the wisdom of Yoda- who probably had no figure flaws!
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Is that the Sith Lord speaking over your shoulder? Put a sock in his big mouth. The one who thinks there is figure perfection has lost her way. Everything changes. Flawless figure is a flaw in itself. Make peace with your body. I will as I age & droop. Life’s too short to give away any life force to the naysayers. May the Force always be with you. Yoda out.
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Yoda is extremely wise.
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You kick butt in these pants. Please don’t cover your posterior in a cardi.
This pattern is ideal for you. Actually you make this pattern look good. Don’t hide it.
Great location too. It compliments your fabric.
Amazingly great. You made my weekend.
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You have been so supportive if my pants dallying- glad I finally have something to show for it!!
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You rock this look. And seeing you in new pants makes me jump for joy!!!!
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Like they all said, you look great in these. Don’t cover up your butt, or all that excellent pattern matching. Awesome photos too- love the giraffe brickwork!
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Oh gracious thats it! Its giraffe brick! How perfect for faux ethnic prints!
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Ok girl, you know by now that you look good in those pants (who knew that pattern would make up so well? I would never have looked at it twice).I just wanted to tell you that an interviewer once got Elle McPherson, supermodel, to admit that she did not like her flat ass!
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Oh Elle, I secretly knew we were twins!!!
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I really like your pants. Flattering fit. I use to have an arse, but now it has sunk along with some other body parts.
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It happens to the best of us!
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Umm, I would kill for your “problem”. I could never pull off those pant with my big butt and thighs. They fit you really well, great actually, they’re made in cool fabric and OMG! I love those glasses! I like the tie detail at the bottom of the pants too. Nice work.
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Thank you- the husband hates my glasses, but when you are this blind, you cant have the tiny hipster frames- you have to support the planetarium lens with full frames!
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Everything about that outfit looks fabulous on you. Don’t change a thing.
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Thank you! Im feeling much better!
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Hey, what’s the problem here? To my eyes, your butt looks perfect. And, and, and you got a perfect fit on your perfect butt. Not easy to achieve. Brava! You look great. We should all be so gifted. Saw the “girl with the perfect butt” the other day. Hmmmm, how many hours a day does she spend in the gym??? There are many forms of perfection. Yours happens to be one of them.
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Oh uou are too kind!!!
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they look great and as someone with plenty of cushion in that area who has trouble with pants fitting I am envious. now make another pair in a different print!
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Im already plotting!
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As a fellow flat-bummed dame, I understand your hesitation. However, these look great on you! And your specs are ace.
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Thanks! We could all get matching bowling shirts!
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I’m with the crowd, these really suit you. As a fully paid up member of the monstrous backside brigade, I would never dare to wear print pants with lovely little ankle ties. No one who matters will notice your profile.
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Thank you! Im making a cropped jacket to mix them up with bext!
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I have serious pants envy! And I think you look fabulous and needn’t worry about the derriere 😉
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Envy? i spawned envy! Wee! That was on my bucket list!! Thanks
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Darn, girlfriend…you don’t have a thing to worry about! These look terrific on you 🙂 Great fit front AND back! Seriously…wear away and be merry!
This is an easy pattern to overlook – thanks for dragging it into the spotlight. Now I’ll have to see if I can pick it up and add it to my ‘someday’ pattern stash 🙂
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Thank you! I know my todo list is ever changing and expanding- Im such a flitterer!!
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No no no! Non non non – do not cover the derrière. You are crazy girl… These look great on you – front view and back. Love them. The fit is fab too. I can see these in a range of great fabrics. Wear these with pride.
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This pattern might get me past pant sewing fear!
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I like them! Great pattern matching, the fit is spot on and those ankle ties…. swoon. I don’t have courage enough to wear patterned trousers, so I’m a little envious/in awe that you are wearing a pair!
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I do feel like a style crash test dummy!
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You lucky diva, your butt goes well with the rest of your so photogenic frame. Can’t wait to see you in a whole wardrobe of these skinny minnie pants. If you’re not a paid model already, you should be!
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Gracious- adjust your moniter, it is just little me! Thank you very much- you are sweet!
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I love your new pants, and you need to buck up and wear them (out of the house!!)
I really want some of the these print pants, too, and just waiting to get up my nerve.
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Well, if I can, you sure can!!!
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I HATE being late to a comment party. Damn, those are seriously cute pants, and you look just fine in them. Make some more, try a solid and see if that helps you be braver. I’ll bet you now are outside in those pantaloons!! Love your style.
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A solid? Oh now that really scares my gaudy heart!
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If you’d never said anything, I wouldn’t have noticed—the pants get all the attention (sorry, flat tuckus loses to awesome fit and stripe matching every time). Besides with you’re nice curvy figure and fabulous skin, who’d notice. My sister wants pattern pants something fierce although, I admit, I’m not quite sure if I do, but you’re rockin’ these, so maybe I’ll give some a try.
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The beauty of the remnant was I didnt lose much trying this- come to the patterned side!
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First things first, I LOVE your pants!! They are super super cool, fit wonderfully, and are very stylish indeed! Secondly, having been struggling with pants on my end as well, and having taken a Craftsy class specifically to help deal with said struggle, I have learned that MANY women have the flat butt in varying degrees – according to the great Sandra Betzina, it’s pretty much the most common adjustment. That being said, either it is the fit, the pattern placement, or the sass with which you wear these, but your butt does not look flat, and you just look SUPER fierce! 🙂
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Sass adds ass? It sounds like a Variety headline- I will take it!
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It totally does too! LOL
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Your post made me laugh out loud… but they photos, they did not! Instead, they made me think all sorts of tasty things about that scrumptiously divine butt in those perfectly fitted and on-trend tousers. Buck up and rock on I say.
Also, OMG those glasses are amazing!!!!
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They look great! I might need to go get this pattern now.
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Do it! Its an easy win!
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The pants look great and so does your arse!! Show that bad boy off! I do believe I have this pattern. So glad to see it made up. Yours are way more inspiring than the envelope pic. I think I need to dig mine out and give it a go.
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Do it! I just know it will be shannilicious!
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I love your description of your butt and I hope you don’t mind if I appropriate it for future descriptions of my own derriere. I really love these pants, though I know how terrifying it can be to wear a new silhouette. For example, I thought both “those pants are awesome” and “I could never wear those” at the same time, even though I can clearly see how cute they look on you!
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Isnt it funny how we deny ourselves? Please borrow my butt wordiness anytime!
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For just a second I liked the pink princess print leggings. (she mutters sheepishly)
No need for a long tunic. Butts come in all shapes and sizes. If you can’t have the one you want, love the one you’ve got. (to clumsily paraphrase an old song)
(I’m so parenthetical today)
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I cant have crotch Princesses, Lynn!
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Just for a second! I have an inner five-year-old but don’t worry; I sent her to her room.
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As we must sometimes!
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I love these pants! You look fabulously cool, hip and chic in them. Great job!
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Thank you! They are definitely going to work this week!
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I think they look good. Patterned pants aren’t for me (yet. I said that about skinny jeans when they first started appearing and look at me now…), but maybe a print that doesn’t have an obvious stripe would help you like the next pair even more?
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I was worried about floral looking clowny, but I may try an abstract next!
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Ooh, these are CUTE! Your butt’s totally fine, dude, although I can sympathize as I’m also a member of the flat ass club. Don’t hide these, and definitely make more!!!
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I knew I saw you at the convention!
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They look great. Wear them with joy in your heart!
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Seriously cute! What’s the problem? Wear them and like them. If you want more badonkadonk, call me. I’ve got the opposite problem chica.
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These look AMAZING on you. Now I really want some!
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Don’t you dare cover up those trews with a long cardi. They fit so well!! Very flattering
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