Greetings Earthlings- err, fellow Americans!
I bring you salutations from our Leader Belznar! We are so pleased at the warm reception we were given by your local dignitaries. The Mighty and benevolent Belznar found them both hospitable and excellent lunch……companions.
It pains our leader to feel that some of you do not recognize his kind overtures of assistance as the gracious acts that they are. Belznar loves you- never has he seen a more tasty- err, meaty, no- talented species. He wants you to know that he is just like you- he enjoys time with his family pod, hunting and he puts his humanoid suit on 1 flipper at a time, just as all of you.
I will now entertain questions submitted by you.
Hmm…..’does Belznar plan to destroy us and use our bodies as fuel’, hmm, not relevant……..’Why are our children being herded into pens’…….next question…..ah, here’s a good one!
‘Where did you get your dress?’
An Excellent question- showing all of the insight and thoughtfulness we appreciate about your culture.
I assume you refer to my natural fiber humanoid shroud. I studied the ancient domestic crafts of your people and built this myself to assist me in assimilating to your primitive ways.
There has been much study of your ‘social networks’ mostly containing the historical detail of a prominent family of four sisters, or horsewomen that will bring on your impending apocalypse. These sisters seek to control you thru the use of ‘fashion’ and the control of your dynamic leisure arts professionals.
FILE – In this Aug. 17, 2011 file photo, from left, Khloe Kardashian, Kylie Jenner, Kris Jenner, Kourtney Kardashian, Kim Kardashian, and Kendall Jenner arrive at the Kardashian Kollection launch party in Los Angeles. The E! Entertainment network said Tuesday it had reached a deal with its most bankable franchise to make three more seasons of “Keeping Up With the Kardashians.” (AP Photo/Matt Sayles, file)
To understand you, I have sought ‘fashion’ and spent many hours standing in your local textile markets, watching historical transmissions of artisans known as ‘quiters’ that eviscerate these cotton plant weavings into multiple piles and then needlessly reassemble them while others make appreciative noises.
Using my superior intellect and resources, I channeled your domestic primitives and made what you refer to as:
‘Smart casual dresses for various occasions. Sporty details of variant A with short sleeves are the stitched shoulder patches from imitation leather. Version B with notched mandarin collar and pockets in the front panel seams. Embellishing details are the many little buttons and also the slight leg-of-mutton sleeves.’
The drone at the textile market assured me that the synthetic derivative textile would provide a needed ‘pop’ of ‘fun’ to my ‘fuddy duddy tweed’. Hmm. I did not dispute these findings as I was more concerned with how I was to fit my arm thru the extremity of a fleeced animal as stated and how many little buttons constitutes ‘many little buttons’.
Your people have no desires to assimilate and are often seeking options for additional foolish embellishment. To better understand this ridiculous nature, I tried to think as your herd would and chose the longer of the extremity coverings- as it provided better coverage for my gills- err, suited your climate better. I’m not altogether pleased with the sleeve fit- lots of drag lines. I may have a drone reinsert them to get rid of these drag lines that i read about on your social media.
Now, if there are no other questions, please proceed to the large grey scaffolded building where you will be chosen for consumption- err, given prizes! Yes, prizes!
photo credits: little me, facebook, pattern review.All images remain the property of their original owners.