Greetings Earthlings- err, fellow Americans!
I bring you salutations from our Leader Belznar! We are so pleased at the warm reception we were given by your local dignitaries. The Mighty and benevolent Belznar found them both hospitable and excellent lunch……companions.
It pains our leader to feel that some of you do not recognize his kind overtures of assistance as the gracious acts that they are. Belznar loves you- never has he seen a more tasty- err, meaty, no- talented species. He wants you to know that he is just like you- he enjoys time with his family pod, hunting and he puts his humanoid suit on 1 flipper at a time, just as all of you.
I will now entertain questions submitted by you.
Hmm…..’does Belznar plan to destroy us and use our bodies as fuel’, hmm, not relevant……..’Why are our children being herded into pens’…….next question…..ah, here’s a good one!
‘Where did you get your dress?’
An Excellent question- showing all of the insight and thoughtfulness we appreciate about your culture.
I assume you refer to my natural fiber humanoid shroud. I studied the ancient domestic crafts of your people and built this myself to assist me in assimilating to your primitive ways.
There has been much study of your ‘social networks’ mostly containing the historical detail of a prominent family of four sisters, or horsewomen that will bring on your impending apocalypse. These sisters seek to control you thru the use of ‘fashion’ and the control of your dynamic leisure arts professionals.
FILE – In this Aug. 17, 2011 file photo, from left, Khloe Kardashian, Kylie Jenner, Kris Jenner, Kourtney Kardashian, Kim Kardashian, and Kendall Jenner arrive at the Kardashian Kollection launch party in Los Angeles. The E! Entertainment network said Tuesday it had reached a deal with its most bankable franchise to make three more seasons of “Keeping Up With the Kardashians.” (AP Photo/Matt Sayles, file)
To understand you, I have sought ‘fashion’ and spent many hours standing in your local textile markets, watching historical transmissions of artisans known as ‘quiters’ that eviscerate these cotton plant weavings into multiple piles and then needlessly reassemble them while others make appreciative noises.
Using my superior intellect and resources, I channeled your domestic primitives and made what you refer to as:
‘Smart casual dresses for various occasions. Sporty details of variant A with short sleeves are the stitched shoulder patches from imitation leather. Version B with notched mandarin collar and pockets in the front panel seams. Embellishing details are the many little buttons and also the slight leg-of-mutton sleeves.’
The drone at the textile market assured me that the synthetic derivative textile would provide a needed ‘pop’ of ‘fun’ to my ‘fuddy duddy tweed’. Hmm. I did not dispute these findings as I was more concerned with how I was to fit my arm thru the extremity of a fleeced animal as stated and how many little buttons constitutes ‘many little buttons’.
Your people have no desires to assimilate and are often seeking options for additional foolish embellishment. To better understand this ridiculous nature, I tried to think as your herd would and chose the longer of the extremity coverings- as it provided better coverage for my gills- err, suited your climate better. I’m not altogether pleased with the sleeve fit- lots of drag lines. I may have a drone reinsert them to get rid of these drag lines that i read about on your social media.
Now, if there are no other questions, please proceed to the large grey scaffolded building where you will be chosen for consumption- err, given prizes! Yes, prizes!
photo credits: little me, facebook, pattern review.All images remain the property of their original owners.
Pretty Grievances 
You are hilarious! Great dress too. Will you try view B?
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I like that neckline- alot. I may think summer and try it.
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Well, you look just yummy – er, I mean, lovely. So official and all.
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Belznar respects a spiffy outfit. He’d vote for Hillary, I’m sure.
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You, madam, are a genius. And I want your dress.
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I’m sick and bored and this definitely cheered me up! Awesome dress!
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Aw, thanks! I hope you feel better soon!
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I hope so too! On the upside, my feeble and ill human body won’t be fit for lunch with the Mighty and benevolent Belznar.
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This dress looks good on you! I love your humor!
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LOL! Woman, you are too funny!
The dress turned out great.
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Mrs Molehas some fit tweeks that will make Belznar very pleased.
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This is awesome. Great dress, and I always enjoy your humor, er, dang that’s not a joke is it? Off to work out so I’ll be less meaty….
PS I started a Jungle January dress in January… &might actually finish soon… (And have to say I’ve never before been inspired to use animal print so Belzar may also be into brainwashing?)
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Belznar is quite persuasive!!
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Hilarious, I needed a bit of humor on this drab day. I love the dress and agree that the color blocked accents make it. That’s a great pattern, might have to purchase one for my own.
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ok this might be my favorite post every. why are you not a scriptwriter or some such thing? hilarious. AND your dress looks great, love that pattern on you and I think this is a keeper that should be remade in a summer weight fabric.
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Oh you are sweet! I think with a few adjustments my ‘uniform’ will be very useful!
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Natural fibre humanoid shroud bursting with elegant simplicity and colour blocked pzazz, surely Belznar will favour you. Regret must decline invitation to lunch though.
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Very funny! Do you take photos and then think of what to say or do you know what you want to say and then take the photos? Guess that’s a trade secret. Cool dress though, I love the contrast!
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I actually come up with something while sewing- what it makes me think of or something that amuses me, then take pictures around my foolish idea!
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That’s great! I usually sew and get a idea too but mine has to do with … This is interesting I should take a photo of this! These blogging processes are very unique and interesting!
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Its easier now that I take my own pictures- it was hard to explain to the husband that the hotdog and the tractor supply sign must both be in focus!!!!
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Gosh, I can’t imagine. I asked my husband to take a photo of me in pjs once and I got a photo of my belly in focus!
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He takes beautiful pictures of buildings and landscapes- me? Not so much.
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Best pattern review I have read. Ever. That should earn you a reprieve from being Belznars lunch!
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The galactic muse was upon me!
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Greetings, from one of your appreciative followers and therefore, by default, also of your Leader, Belznar. Your assimilation attempts have been noted. I think you may just get away with those drag lines and prove worthy of our Leaders efforts. Your pattern finding skills are exemplary. I applaud your choice of synthetic derivative textile.
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This had me laughing out loud, you really do have a way with words (and a wacky sense of humour!). The dress itself is gorgeous and very flattering. You look wonderful in it!
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