Wearable Wednesday Dolce & Gabbana



I feel an unfortunate theme coming on. 

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Would an apple a day keep this dress away?

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Well, Alannah, we told you to wear something under it- it’s obviously made of kitchen scrubbies!

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Haha, very funny, yes my name is Crystal and this is a chandelier, soooo funny.

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The Sydney Lanier middle school band lost its best majorette when Sally altered her uniform without permission.

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I can see Phyllis Diller threatening the maid while wearing this.

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Are those frog prince lapel details? Be still my immature heart!

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Oh, no, I’m not trying to be rude- I was just trying to read your crotch….don’t hit me with the Popes incense burner!!!

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Never before- and I researched it- has anyone every said, ‘You look like a geriatric discoball’.

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An unnamed sultan offered this model $5 million to rub him all over in this outfit while singing ‘tiny bubbles’.

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I WILL be buried in this.

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Photo credits: style.com. All images remain the property of their original owners.

Leopards travelling in twos.


I’m coming out of my between season funk. I’ve switched over the closet- both fabric and clothes- I love this time. I’m shallow- I love feeling like I have a whole new wardrobe! I love wearing things I made at the end of last year and never wore. Like today:

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Vogue 1228 from the cut out and prepped bin of Summer 2015. I have a version of this from 2012. I loved it- I never cuff the sleeves- I like it drapey. Don’t remember this one? Let my assistant describe:

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Excellent work as always, Bruder-boo!

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Big Reveal!

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Whoo! Don’t think to yourself that these are the pale knees of spring- they are as tanned as they get!

While I was on a roll, I finished off the rest of the kitty with Simplicity 1693-  tiny picture!

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This modelling and describing is quite draining- Liesl? A little help please!

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Alright settle down- you both did beautifully. Although it’s fairly obvious that you were using Cue cards- don’t get cocky!

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photo credits: little me, pattern review. All images remain the property of their original owners.

Wearable Wednesday Bridal Edition!


Pauline Johnson, cotton ball heiress honors her family fortune with a little Oscar de la Renta.

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Oh Howard, I’m so excited to be your wido- err, bride! (Naeem Khan)

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Elinors mother was mortified when  she dropped to the floor to count the checks after the cake cutting. (Elie Saab)

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The minister was vaguelly distracted by Mimi’s hypno-crotch. (christian Siriano)

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Wanda wasn’t ashamed about needing to breast feed during her vows.(Temperly)

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Edwina popped out to get married in this Carolina Herrera between her shifts hostessing at the Blintz Buffet.

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Mollie found the perfect way to honor meeting Bernard in the lightshade shop 4 years ago! (houghton)

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No, Edna, I said atellier, not aviary?! (christian Siriano)

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It’s ok, Sweetie- we’ll photoshop a groom in later! (Elie Saab)

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On a budget, it was dress or reception, so Nancy opted to be her own discoball. (Naeem Khan)

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Trust me, Ruth- I harbor no bad feelings about you and Brian and I’d love to bring your dress to the church for you on saturday! (houghton)

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Grannie Phillips broke her hip sprinting down the aisle to place a strategic doily on Lilys crotch pagoda by Marchesa.

mar1 Ever the control freak, Erin was afraid Javier would forget his one line when he saw her in her Elie Saab.

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Face first in the cake, Alison? (Houghton)

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photo credits: style.com, WWD. All images remain the property of their original owners.

Wearable Wednesday Pushbutton


Fuzzy Wuzzy was a bear.  A Bear with a low self image who not so secretly wore a slenderizing corset and only ate honey at home alone with the blinds drawn.

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Grannie was very upset when she arrived at the Catskills and found her favorite evening suit missing- but she refused to ever wear it again.

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Eric closed his eyes and desperately tried to contact his inner pirate poet.

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Laura knew there would be big changes to the pit crew once Crash’s widow took over- but she didn’t expect it to involve new uniforms.

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After recutting the sleeves 10 times to satisfy the designer, Wanda was just able to squeeze out a matching breech cloth.

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Gregory prided himself on the knowledge that the other secretaries thought of him as one of the girls.

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Damn it, Chloe- you were supposed to be helping Fleur with her top- we are in so much trouble!

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Sadly, by the time Edna reached the end of the catwalk she was one giant lightening rod of static cling.

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photo credits: style.com. All images remain the property of their original owners.

Wearable Wednesday Yana Chervinska


Did you know you could do needle point on garbage bags? HUH. How environmental.

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Yes, I’m technically wearing a floor length sweater, yet I still need a jacket. I’m an acrylic paradox!

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This looks like she hot glued the entire Muppet band to her torso. I feel so sorry for the Electric Mayhem.

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Ooooooo- I’m conflicted. I want to touch it, but I also want to wash my hands a bunch of times afterward.

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Time to adjust the tension on the knitting machine.

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I’d so wear this. Unless the eyeshadow was mandatory.

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Ever have that dream where a nesting doll tries to kill you? You can thank me later.

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photo credits: style.com. All images remain the property of their original owners.

Shilly-Shallying and such


So just what have you been up to?

I hate that phrase. Where others hear solicitous enquiries I feel like I’ve been caught in my pajamas at two in the afternoon with Netflix and spoon that has been directly in the peanut butter jar.

It’s also where I would start defending things I’ve done- re-covering  all the throw pillows in the den- look at Bruderlein- doesn’t he make them look handsome?

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A 12 x12 cross stitch interpretation of a William Morris Tapestry- 6 months and 35 skeins of DMC floss. That may sound like a crazy amount, but I get knotted up easily and during some episodes of Suits I got off track and put one bunny a little farther down the trail than the artist intended- rip it out and curse accordingly. I am obviously not the reincarnation of a Belgian tatting nun.  I’m glad to be done with it- honestly, it was the husbands giggly references to ‘show me the bunnies’ that were really killing my spirit.

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I’ve made a dress- Vogue 9159. It turned into a top and skirt when I didn’t like how it fell over my hips. Ok, it didn’t so much fall as act like I pushed it over my hips.  But now I don’t think it looks good as a set and that spandex nylony business I used is hotter than Keith Partridge in a fringed vest.

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So now I have a skirt that matches my favorite black t-shirt. You know how one bad sew makes you question your skills and pack everything up in a bunch of old amazon boxes and put the machine by the curb and think about renting out the converted sewing room to a drifter you found on Craigs List?

Yeah, ok, maybe that’s just me.  Well, the bad fit and drag lines and my issues with a narrow chest and how my necklines rise up in the back and have to be reshaped before I make a facing is almost conquered on most of my makes as an assumed plan of attack, but lately I’ve been just not feeling like wrestling the fabric into submission.  My sewing has not been joyful. So I decided to go thru my pinterest boards and see what catches my interest.

I spent 3 hours looking at gifs of Tom Hiddleston.  No, honestly, more like 45 minutes tops. I swear.

Then I saw this:

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I thought this shape was lovely and oh, lookee- a chestal neckline pleat that I can tailor to my slopy Mary Todd Lincoln profile! Wardrobe soulmate:

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A perfect shape and a goto pattern were just the thing- this pattern has been a favorite resident of the ‘VALLEY OF THE UNBLOGGED’ . You know I have a short attention span and once I’ve worn it a few times, no matter how strong the love, I feel weird taking blog pictures of it. I’m bored with your French seams, let’s agree to keep our relationship out of the papers, shall we? Simplicity 1253:

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This is the 3rd version of this I have made-

I love this one- it’s got a contrasting neck facing using the border print. Oh, and zebra beading- cuz, well…… IT SHOULD HAVE ZEBRA BEADING!! ver1

I’m ok with this one- the sleeves are a little narrow and the fabric is a little stiff.

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Using the pink and pa-recious pinterest top as a jumping off point, I made number 3- Sh! Don’t tell the others- you’re my favorite!

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I used the same technique I use to make the upper bodice narrow- but in reverse.  Usually I lay the center front pattern piece on a narrowing angle on the fabric fold- widening at the hip. This time I widened it at the bust.

After I got my shoulder seams frenched, I let Ms Holloway wear it while I decided on the perfect bustal pleat and sassy bow.  I like my bows sassy with a little droop (like my men) so I didn’t interface my bow- I let it go ‘au natural’ as the French say!

At the back neckline I added a smaller pleat and topped it with a decorative bead- to repeat my bead theme.

Now, everytime I’ve sewn this I’ve widened the sleeves about 2 inches- they are not wide enough when they end at the bicep area for me to type my manifestos all day. I did the same here. Also, no hem- I just let it go in stretchy lace tatters.

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This material is so sheer- how do you feel about facings in sheer garments? I’m not a fan- it’s like seeing the label thru the material- rookie mistake in my mind. So I used a bias edging .

I didn’t hem this, I liked the soft edge it had without it. I swear, it was a style choice- not because I’m lazy! I waited 3 weeks to post this because I’m lazy, but the hem was a choice!

Spring is here- I’m hoping I’ll feel more like adorning myself with new pretties soon and get back to some serious texture massacring in the sewing room!

Hey, this last shot is in honor of the talented actor, advocate for mental health issues and mother of hobbits- miss you Anna!

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Photo credits: pattern review, Pinterest, little me. All images remain the property of their original owners.