Wearable Wednesday Alexander Wang

As in- What the Wang-doodle is that? w4

Huh.I was wrong- you can get Lai’d in this collection.w5

Worst Olympic Opening team uniform ever.


Rob you? No I swear, I’m just here for gas and a Slurpie! w7

Well, I did say wear a suit……w8

Is she walking into the wind? Is that why everyone else is so bundled up? w9

I can hear Cher belting out, ‘Gypsies, Trans Am Thieves!’


You can make it Erin- just hold it on a few more minutes!


photo credits: vogue.com

Wearable Wednesday Marysia

This feels like something I’d foolishly try to jazz up a boring idea-

Ugh- aren’t these sold by the panel?

Sheer fabric and visible pockets- the 5th level of design hell. I honestly didn’t even see the shark until it grabbed onto her foolish crotch ties and hauled her down. Oh, Wanda- why did you buy that ugly swimsuit?

This is that sad beanbag clown doll body you see in antique shops- the one that has a poltergeist inside.

I like the fabric- why must we be so cruel to it?

Say it. Say Pocohantas ONE MORE TIME!

Photo credits: Vogue.com

Wearable Wednesday Rachel Comey

This color- it’s like a 1930’s Mummy. Elsa Lanchester has this.

This is so Damned Yankees/Funny Faces- is she waving to her eyebrows as they escape?This is the before picture on a Charity shop dress makeover-Will we ever get designers to leave the car wash?just keep walking- you can make it to

The bathroom before the socks come completely done. Hogan’s Heroes homage. This keyhole- it’s unsettling. Like a fistula. no. Al Bundys signature pose is not a model pose!?Photo credits- vogue.com

I dreamed I was a Hand Puppet in my Butterick 6359

Connie, Connie, Connie. Why is there only one review of this out there? It didn’t even get a picture. Sigh.


Here I am, Saint Annelicious- The patron Saint of Bad Textile Ideas. Bless me Father for I have used much foul language, violence against inanimate objects and post-sew snacks.

I have a wearable dress, but……. only from this angle.

butt 3

I work in a healthcare setting- so I try to avoid anything that looks Scrubby or closes with a self-fabric tie. But, every foolish plan has it’s day, you knows?

*Trivia note: the Husband thinks that prolonged uninterrupted sewing is an indication that things are going well. Machine start and stop is an indication of struggle and doom. Weird, right? I learned from my Mother that screams of ‘GOD BLESS AMERICA!’ and ‘DIRTY BIRD?!’ indicated struggle and doom and that kids, it was time to play outside- perhaps in another state.

So, this pattern has a LOT of straight swathes of stitching. Great tracts of straight stitching. I basically made myself curtains. That should have been my first clue of a problem. What plus-sized or other pattern has a completely flat-show a Drive in Movie- ‘oh Look, Rory Calhoun!’  on it shapeless back? Or side panels with no darts or shaping?  A giant hospital gown does. Perfect. My dream. It is pretty bedpan friendly.

Deceptive pattern picture girl probably has a giant clamp on the back like she’s just said yes to the dress Atlanta. Look at that front fold- it’s my new enemy.  It clings and puddles in the back and sways like an opera curtain in front. I pinched out about 3. inches tapering out of the skirt on the front pieces and its like the fabric is all rushing to meet me in front. Obviously it doesn’t know how charming I am.

plus 6359

But I never know when to give up, do I?  Just ask any of my husbands!

I tapered, I angled, I chopped away at this dress like Vidal Sassoon on poor Rosemary.


I hate fabric ties, so I had already decided to change the outer one to a sassy button. Then I got really frisky and changed the inner one to a wide bit of elastic. I did use the bias pattern guides to finish off the neck edges, I just cut off and tucked the ends in.   


Ok, now I’m happy straight on. BUT, when I turn to the side- either one- there is a giant problem with that back- it’s dragging, it’s creating an upper butt puddle of fabric. a lovely over the tush valance of drapy horror. YAY! I tried fish-eye darts- vertical ones. It created a serious pulling drag feature on the sides. Like the ultimate cage match between who needed more of the bedclothes- Goldilocks or the 3 bears. The 3 Bears sadly were my breasts and paunch.


Connie, you are truly concerned with my arm hole gaps, but you don’t seem concerned with my butt puddling?!


So I just kept pinning until I could gather enough out and still be ok with it. I ended up with a horizontal tuck across the shoulder blades. So call it a wearable muslin or a design detail. Whatevs. I’ve given it more of my life force that I think I should have, Connie?!

So next hurdle. I wore this to work and had to make 2 emergency trips to the ladies to secure the 3 bears. Pictures taken during neighbors coming home from work- whats so weird about me trying to show my nethers to a peach tree in my yard, can you answer me that???butt6

You get lots of very convenient scratching opportunities in a wrap dress. Have pointer, will satisfy!

butt 4

Oh, by the way, if you get the fancy idea to do it with a sheer contrast, that skirt panel is sheer to the upper thigh- so you can have the se-xxxy hospital gown you see in the porn films. ‘Nurse Janet- the patent seems agitated! Do what you can to soothe them!!’

Butt 2

photo credits: Pattern Review, Little me.

Wearable Wednesday Dice Kayek

There was a little girl, who had a little fringe- right in the middle of her forehead. When she was good she was very very good, but when she wore this she was justifiably annoyed.Looks like Enid’s had one too many pussy bow jokes hurled at her today.

From the David Byrnes Crise wear collection circa 1987.Enid strolled into the bar channeling sexy jellyfish on the prowl. damn it, I like this skirt. Enid feels deflated after a hard day. Really?

Oh yes, really. Clever Enid showed up at the company bbq in an outfit guaranteeing she wouldn’t be asked to play in the paintball tournament. Oddly paranoid about her office flooding- Enid had water wings added to all her work blouses. I’m giving this the cold shoulder. Photo credits: Vogue.com

I Dreamed it rained on my Vogue 1496

Do you curate a clothing museum? You know what I mean? You sew things that don’t have anything to do with you, your coloring, shape, lifestyle- then refuse to part with them? I’m getting better about that. I used to buy clothes that were great sales, but matched nothing. So they hung out in my closet and admired my shoes. I got into the bad habit of buying fabric the same way. Now I curate a Modern art museum- nothing matches the sofa or makes any sense.

So I’m trying- trying, trying, to be responsible.

Sew what you know you like: Tunics, crazy art teacher togs

Sew what you look good in: Tunics, tapered crazy art teacher togs, less brown, more soft shades.

Blue has always made me feel sickly.  But I think it’s me- our relationship needs to change. So I bought 5 pieces of blue fabric from Fabricmart. Here we go:

Vogue 1496- looks like a pool cover up. But it’s the back that sells it. It’s got this wrap around, backs seam- wait- what did they call it? Very loose-fitting, tapered, pullover dress has V-neckline, optional pockets (stitched in place), front extending into yoke back, no shoulder seams, back armhole openings with narrow hem, and stitched hem. Hot Buttered chipmunks- that’s me!!!


No, that’s a size 4 dehydrated model.

Here’s me:


Breath-taking! I know, right? It’s like a sexy hospital gown on a sexy hunchback. I made no changes- it’s so easy and comfortable and despite it maybe not being the most flattering look I’ve made- it’s summer in the south and I’m liking it! Here’s a dandy picture of the sleeve/armhole/slashy business:


Do you want to meet my friend? Ms Holloway is sporting my left overs- done up in a sassy Simplicity 2599- the staple shell pattern that is perfect for all occasions. I got all kinds of frisky and gathered bias strips on an angle to make her more fun. Now I have to stop myself from mindlessly fluffing my breastal area  all day. It’s worse if I’m wearing this blouse of course. Just let that settle for a minute.


So I have a dress I’ll actually wear and a shell that is perfect for the 7:15 ‘what the hell don’t I need to iron???’ mornings. Here’s a bonus action shot- me doing the 100th throw of the purple toy since I got home from work. Last nerve fraying like cheap costume satin.


photo credits: Pattern Review, little me