Wearable Wednesday Cecilie Bahnsen


Bed

Bath

Beyond me.

How can her bodice be this narrow? Did they butterfly her like a chicken to get into this?

Pet Peeve: when someone eats the bonbons and leaves their little paper diaper in the box. So rude. Castaway Diary day #765. I pray for death, my soul is crushed…but my whites are still amazingly bright.

Mother says is a beautiful gift to be taken over the mountain as a gift for the sacred volcano.

Photo credits: vogue.com

Wearable Wednesday Alyx


D’you know I was 4 pics in before I realized this was menswear. I feel like when my husband and I can’t decide if our wait person is a waiter or waiterette- so we just keep ‘psst’ing as they pass.

It’s sexy and approachable!

Why yes I’ve brought my resume! It’s right here in my lunch box. Would you like a juice box or some goldfish?

Menswear- it’s classified as menswear. I need to see Jared Leto in this. if we can get him out of this, that is. pavel has serious thoughts. How is it a fanny pack if I don’t possess a fanny?Mama likes her boy to look sharp for school pictures! No. it’s just no. Not even on Jared Leto. Photo credits: Vogue.com

Sartorial Screening! China Seas


Today we welcome back a film favorite- Jean Harlows nipples! Back in 1932 they were covered in Red Dust and in 1935 they gave us this deja view  in China Seas! sea1

Singapore! The jewel of the….well, the China Seas. Our plot revolves around the jaunty, devil may care sea captain and his voyage delivering bullion to people who only have miso currently. Feel free to convert that to todays money in your comments, folks- I’m not here to provide insight, just snark.

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Look at that dock! Teaming with humanity and stereotype! IMG_1737

Here’s our intrepid Captain Gaskell! He is at home both at sea and in the parlor. He is no push over and savvy to all high-jinks! sea 2

Our cast includes more than a few character actors and notables. Our ships drunk is Robert Benchley! Former New Yorker writer and raconteur.  He shared an office with Dorothy Parker!

seas3 Here’s Sir Guy Wilmerding! I kid you not. He’s escorting the comely and virtuous widow who will be the foil to Harlows nipples!

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Almost done with the white suit brigade, I swear. This is the new 3rd officer. I think they stop numbering after 5- after that you’re a purser or something, whatever. He’s got a sad tale and a bad history- I hope that won’t be a problem.  seas5

Here’s our Baddy! Seriously- Margaret O’Brien swears he tried to drown her on another film- the Beery is a bad, bad man. But charming and he knows our leading Lady, Dolly.

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But Dolly only has nipples for our captain. She’s designated herself a friendly port and he only thinks of her as a good time gal. Poor Dolly. Surely alone on the wide ocean she’ll have no competition for his affection. Children, this is foreshadowing. Like the big authors do like Proust, Hemingway, and Danielle Steele.

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Our captain has his hands full- but he’s seen many a voyage and knows the way of the seas.seas9

Captain Gaskell knows danger is lurking everywhere! This looks suspicious!!!! seas10

Trannies? Not on his watch! It’s 1935  and Will Hayes will not sanction such- Oh, my bad. They are pirates dressed as women to sneak on board! If they were simply expressing their need to live openly according to their inner voice, Captain Gaskell would have applauded their courage and given them all vouchers for the midnight lounge where a Roberta Flack cover artist is performing nightly. But NO quarter for pirates!!! Get off our ship!!

seas11 What’s this? A brunette! In garments with ease and demure textiles! It must be a lady of quality!seas12

Why Captain Gaskell! How surprising to see you here on your ship! Enter Mrs Barkley- society widow!! He’s knows her from his time in England.

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Later on, back in the captains cabin, Gaskell tries to set Dolly straight- they have no future and she needs to drape her barnacles over another vessel!

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In a move that I can’t believe got by the censor board, Dolly hops up on his rack (that’s no euphemism)  and tries to tempt him and borrow a book? Who doesn’t know that salt air effects antique bindings and Gaskell would never store his better tomes here? Duh, Dolly.

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Time passes, children are born, Dolly tries to move on. seas21 Random cruiser with fabulous dress time! She also thinks her husband buys her paste jewelry, but who really cares, right? It’s not like he ignores you for 5 strange men and a chessboard.

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I’m glad this shipboard Romeo tries to steal her gum and her heart so we could see the sleeves better.

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Dolly and her maid (Hattie McDaniel, I love you!)  are preparing for dinner at the captains table. seas24

When Dolly theme dresses, she goes all in. She’s like a southern girl with seasonal sweaters. When in Singapore, she will dragon up, even in her lounge wear. This gets bonus points- dragon and…..wait for it….. seas25

Gentle readers, the moment has come. at 26 minutes into this classic- Harlow brings the nips to dinner. seas26

Thru what is CLEARLY a clerical error, Dolly is seated closer to the galley than usual. I wonder why the captain isn’t giving her his full attention? seas27

Tension ensues and catty bantor, but eventually Lady Barkley Square puts our girl in her place- finishing school style. seas28

Don’t screw with Auntie Mame. After dinner, Captain Gaskell heads for the bridge to prove he knows where it is. He is alerted to a major storm! seas29

Dolly is AGAIN in the captains cabin. She’s quite the smoker and stores her extra menthols in his cabin. Kind of territory marking with nicotine as it were. seas30

The next day the skies show nary a cloud, so the entitled passengers enjoy a hearty breakfast and shooting stuff. seas31

Dolly is snarking it up with the gentry- seas35

It’s a good time to admire Jeans Hamburglar hat and fancy curls. seas40

Time for a dress change! I remember the first time I saw this film- I fell in love with her lame dress- I just know it’s red. I just know it! seas41

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The captain wants everyone to remain calm- the storm is due. seas50

Panic ensues! The waves crash! Unflattering life vests are worn! seas56

Dolly and the Beery take their party back to his cabin- he’s totally blotto. She wins the drinking game and takes her winnings from his wallet where she spots the half note that is the international sign of pirate conspiracy! Every year on my safety tests at work I get the hazmat stuff wrong. How do people know all these signs and symbols? Is it a class somewhere??? Ok, so where were we? Oh yeah- seas70

The weather started getting rough- the tiny ship was tossed. seas72

On no! He wakes up and sees her trying to go warn the captain of :

Captain Phillips: the Prequel but he stops and threatens her. He can’t believe she is going back to captain hair gel after he has ignored her for Demure Mutton! But he’ll let it slide if she behaves. Some threats should help. seas80

Well, its the day after and no one is really up for shuffle board. Lots of souls lost, rum overboard, chiffon dresses irreparable. 5th Officer Albatross comes to report that as in most crises, he was cowering and ineffectual. I see no future redemption for him. He has not earned his pith helmet this day. Must tragedy bring out the turtlenecks on the seas?seas78

Dolly tries to warn the captain in a lounge robe worthy of Mr Furley. He will not listen! She leaves the cabin and Beery spots her and accuses her of treachery! But what is this? Dolly has stolen the Captains key to the armory! Bad Dolly! Don’t combine a bad relationship end with universal harm. Bad Karma Dolly. seas90

Just when you think your bad day has reached its zenith. Pirates. Yup- not those fun musical theatre types either. These are soulless curs of the archipelagos. Mercy! They are here for the bullions! It’s all about the Bullions! IMG_2281

Their leader herds every one into the main lounge Agatha Christie style and refuses to deal with anyone but Beery. Welcome to the brotherhood of men in robes. seas101

They open up the armory, they smash all the hummels, they chase the passengers! The shoot the recently demoted ships mime.IMG_2258

But the bullion casks are full of sand! What???  Who knew? Surely the captain knew. seas102

Beery begs him to give up the loot- or he’ll get……the BOOT!seas105

Ugh- this is gross. Captain Gaskell was the ships best hope in the Merchant Marines annual 3- legged race, too. What a bummer. I’ll save you the torture scenes- just know that it’s not so pleasant and probably on schedule for Fall of 2021:seas115

Looks like our mime is waking up and looking for a place to hide. Or is he?

After much pointless boot twisting the captain refuses to tell about the bullion. They throw him into his own brig. Rude!IMG_2324

But here comes the 5th officer/mime! He’s on the redemption road! IMG_2326

It was sad, yet poignant. Who knew he had a name. huh. Back in harbour, Captain Gaskell interrigates the suspects. seas150

He knows Dolly knows. But does Dolly know that he knows? She refuses to talk. She’s jonesin’ for a ciggie tho. IMG_2348

Aha! Dolly can’t find the box with the marlboro points on it! How can she get that jet ski? Worse yet! She can’t find the half note. IMG_2363

But she tried to tell him- but he was too busy with work and his hoity-toity widow! Fine! I knew and I’ll go to jail for it!

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Beery has other plans. He’s taken poison to avoid jail! Well, satisfied with his job, Captain Gaskell returns to the bridge. Where Lady Barkley Square is waiting. She sees he’s a man of the waves. She knows that altho she’s a fine girl and a good wife she would be- his life, his love, his lady is the sea. They bid fond fairwell. IMG_2385

Captain Gaskell prepares to take Dolly to the magistrates. He won’t cut her a break.IMG_2399

In his heart he knows she was just a pawna dn that he truly owns her heart and she his. Aw……IMG_2430

Happy at last, she departs for prison and he vows to wait for her……and to bring tweezers when he visits. IMG_2428

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photo credits: little me.

 

 

 

 

 

Wearable Wednesday Saks Potts


Well, there’s the Sak….I had a bicycle seat just like this, well, it had padding actually. Is she a John Waters character on the loose?Huh- a swimsuit featuring a sleeping hostage in one of your designs…Remember that time Big Bird got a dip-dye?I just don’t understand. How does she pee in under 20 minutes?no collection is complete without an Olympic opening ceremony costume!This is just color-bleching.Giant repurposed clothe diapers? Photo credits: Vogue.com

Wearable Wednesday Ambush


Well, not exactly a style Ambush.

If Little Red has worn this, the wolf would have let her be.

Leona’s Mother was cripplingly overprotective of her on class trips. Ambushed by coasters. This Kung Fu reboot looks kind of boring without a Carradine. Allison was a pro at never being asked to help with dinner. There’s one on every beach. Castaway Chic. Photo credit- Vogue.com

I dreamed I was bas-ackwards in my Butterick 6375


I was so jazzed about this pattern when I saw it. Gees, that pretty much says that I’m going to rain all over the Butterick parade today, but I swear, I’m not. Not even going to say that this one puts the Butt in Butterick. Look at that swishy little hip flounce. I figured why not? These hips were made for Flouncin’ and that’s just what they’ll do, right?B6375_xa

Side note- the hanger appeal to this is a bit wonky. The side wrappy business goes from gallbladder all the way around the world to ‘don’t poke me there- I’ll squeal’. On a hanger it’s unsecured and hangs down past the hem like a poorly packed parachute. Ready? I followed all the directions, but I think this one got a little complicated or something for me- behold- my flounce has a doggy door.  IMG_1675.JPG

See that? I know it’s hard with my gaudy-flage, but my pleat doesn’t cover the pattern cover deception! The  tech drawing doesn’t really make you so aware that the front skirt is not one full peplum with a pleat gently accenting it. Nope. It’s a pleat hanging over an open flap- like you’d find in giant refrigerated buildings- so the flies don’t gather on your brisket. Well, peeps, my brisket is semi-exposed here. Not a huge deal , i suppose, it just looks clumsy to me- I didn’t have enough fabric left to redo it and make it more of a procenium for my stage. So I get a little flappy.

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By the by, this is make up free sunday- I apologize for the horror show, but I took pictures after sneaking a shower while the husband shampoo’d the carpets. We were at door hair/dog piddle saturation point- quite literally. Too much info? Shall we get back to the flies on my brisket?

Funny thing. I popped this on then ran for the camera- trying not to make eye contact with ‘he who is most persecuted because he’s doing chores’ and thought, huh, this fits oddly thru the shoulders and I don’t remember it being so….cowly. Whatevs. As the cool kids say. Huh, the back is kind of airy too. No wonder I haven’t worn this more than once. But I really like he cowl and the belt. I need to wear this soon. Pull pattern from bin, start gathering my wooly thoughts…..

This ring-tailed tooty is on backwards and Crappity-doo. It looks better. Hold on- let me do a little quick change-

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Bippidy-Boppity-blah. You should see me put a sweater on the dog- I’m like Houdini. Yup. The dog disappears.

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Amazing right? I know there is something wrong with me. No matter what my Mom says. Anyhoo……..

photo credits: little me, Pattern review

Wearable Wednesday Lalo


I keep forgetting I have a bag of spinach in the crisper bin.its not pretty.

With 5 dachsies and a cat, this is me if I don’t keep a lint roller every 10 feet.

Aunt Stella’s needles strike again!I can’t focus on this- it’s like a sofa on acid. Jim Henson’s widow on hard times.

Sesame Street Walker?Aw crap- I like this. But who has time to backcomb their collar daily?Photo credits: Vogue.com