Wearable Wednesday Jenny Fax

Oompa Loompah Loopity doo! I’ve got a puzzling designer for you-

What do you get when your aim is to shock?

Scratchy lace and a semi dropped crotch!Oompa Loompa doompity dag

This designers work- is making me gag!

Crazy is fine when it’s once in a while! A droopy lace bib, an ankle monitor wire!-Most of this tho- belongs in a fire!

Oh, I wonder who would pay for this-

Photo credits: Vogue.com

Wearable Wednesday Antonio Berardi

Erica reluctantly agreed to let her newly divorced Mom chaperone the class trip to Biltmore.

‘Mom- the bus driver is telling everyone that you forgot your panties!?’

‘No, I do NOT know if Coach Fredricks is dating anyone!’

‘Mom! Please! The docents are staring!’‘Mom! Come down from there! They already have a topless statue in the library!?’‘Did you bring a portable fan??? Moooooooom! Your nipples!?’‘No. They do NOT need more parents for the overnight ski trip!’ Photo credits: Vogue.com

Wearable Wednesday Mui Mui

Camouflage can get bizarrely specific- urban, real tree, hiding in Elvis’s den….

Some Granny’s loo roll is suspiciously naked right now…..Once you see Batman- it’s all you see.

Enid? Are you wearing your sisters Jansport??I’d hoped to never see knickers again- but I’m not that lucky. ‘I swear Mom- I’m going straight to the library! Why don’t you trust me???’Duffel cape? I think I love you. Photo credits: vogue.com

I dreamed I was a little generic in Mccalls 5973

Chickadees, I must bare my soul. I buy gaudy fabric.  Rarely do I sew solids. Maybe a texture will catch my eye, but oh honey that is as rare as the pope in hot pants. So, I have collected a lot of patterns that have minimal cuts to the fabric that break up the design. I like great swathes of unmolested print. Unless of course I’m going Great Gravy Gaudy (GGG) and combining textiles, but that eye searing topic is not for today , my little ones.  Today we talk minimal seams. Mccalls 5973 has been in the bin for a few years, waiting on my foolish muse. The upper left drawing caught my eye. Lots of unforrested acreage thre. But I have an irrational dislike of Laura Linney  the smocky looking bodice. It’s a little ‘stand in a field while my hemp-clothed diapered offspring frolics’ for me. It doesn’t have anything to do with Laura Linney- I’ve never seen her in a field, but I do have an irrational dislike for her. She knows what she did. Nuff said.


It’s kind of bland and the ‘Contemporary Trendsetting’ moniker makes me snicker, because I can see it with a turtleneck and clogs on Mackenzie Phillips if I squint. But I’ve learned that you can’t cross gaudy with too much design detail. You get gaudy mud and end up telling people how cool your pattern was- cuz you’ve gaudiflaged it too much for them to appreciate it and what fun is that? Weighty issues confront this little tack’inesta everyday. Tis true.

But I love the sleeve line. I do- its batflap arm flattering, it’s flowy, it’s multi-season. So I fell into their trap and did some ‘Contemporary trendsetting’!  Yes, there is mossy foliage growing from my armpit like Miley Cyrus 2016. But, that’s a good thing, right?


Forgive my austere expression- I was using all of my inner hell energy to make the camera do my bidding- somehow it resets while I’m not looking and I end up with blurry ‘I swear we saw Bigfoot by the burn barrel Chasity, I shityounot’ pictures.

I’m happy with the results here, tho I have an issue or two- this one not related to the pattern drafting, but to little me. The pyramid-shaped lass is not totally suited to the faux belting- it rides up like it wants to leave by the first exit it comes to. I stopped adjusting so you could see its slow breast smothering creep in all its glory.  I knew this. I’ve always known this, but the heart wants what the heart wants, you knows? Hmmm….how many times do you think ‘breast smothering creep’ has been yelled in a subway? There’s a  kewpie doll for anyone with stats. DM me.


Would you believe I’m wearing pink tights in these pictures? I swear they match my pale piglet pallor perfectly! Here comes Bigfoot! I will consider this dress a win tho. It’s a perfect, ‘oh I’ve got a meeting, must look like an adult’ or the ‘I cannot face selecting one of my usual awe-inspiring combinations today, my heart is weary’ kind of thing to whip out of the closet and don. I won’t make it again, the other stylings didn’t grab me and the traveling belt issue is not high on my priority list. There are other foolish hills to climb!


Am I the only one that gets crazy cutting out these ‘design your own, style it, freestyle’ patterns?


I always, always, bet on it- you will take home a case of turtle wax- cut out too many pieces. I could have made 3 skirts. I get to sewing and fish around in the bin for the right piece and invariably grab a ‘convex nape panel’ or a ‘reverse placket’. When honestly, I wasn’t even planning to do the version with 3 front panels- because (say it with me class) I didn’t want to break up my mossy flower festive print. I’m usually very organized in the sewingroom-  all the Colin Firth dvds are in order of their European release, my snacks are set up by best taste temperature, you get me. I’m going to blame the most recent addition to my editorial squad- the Jas’mini. She’s constantly wanting that purple toy thrown and it’s a mission and a trial. But she’s cute- wait are you eating MICKEY???? UNHAND THAT RELIGIOUS ICON YOU FOUL TEMPERED BEAST!!!!


photo credits: pattern review, little me.

Wearable Wednesday Ottolinger

Ottolinger? Why I hardly know her! Oh- oh I am so funny. I’ll give you a minute to recover. Phew!

Bernice had never been given underwear with any of her runway outfits- she had no idea where to put the thong.

Granny was very upset to find the sofa in the den missing.Dryer sheets Erin- seriously, they won’t kill the environment!

my husband hates visible zippers- this May kill him. Squea squea squea squeanever one to admit a mistake, Beth refuses to admit the sleeve was on backward. Photo credits: Vogue.com

Wearable Wednesday Marchessa Notte

Introverts at parties: Be the lampshade. Be the lampshade. I’m sure Georgina designed this because she needed a good grocery and errand outfit. How come we both can’t have a fan?

Hush Penny- I’m in Tahiti right now. Eleanor always wintered in Nantucket where she spent a month having her barnacles scraped. Oh I saw a mouse- and I looked fabulous. I started quilling- did I tell you? That seems like a random comment, doesn’t it….

Louise didn’t need anyone to put her on a pedestal- she brought her own. Harold was so clumsy that Alice started scotch guarding all her frocks. The other PTA moms were prettysure that the newly divorced Hall sisters were on the prowl for the new volleyball coach.

Photo credits: Vogue.com

Wearable Wednesday ZAC Zac Posenl

‘Psst- it’s Bruderlein- it’s time for my annual guest editor post. As usual I pick Zac Posen. A designer of exquisite taste and-‘

Bru- what’re you doing? This is wearable Wednesday-

‘I know. I’m curating. This is excellent and the sleeves can hold many biscuits.’Bruder, can I take over?

‘No. Zac is a dachshundist and deserves our best’

Oh, excuse me. Carry on.

‘ This Blouse is something I would like to lick.’

That’s it? That’s your take on it?

‘I like that it has a tail. Let’s keep moving. Helmutt did this to one of your dresses and you got very mad. But obviously, we, like Zac are innovators.’

Um ok. The fabric is lovely-

‘But scratchy. Like the plant by the mailbox.’

Very Anna Wintour-worthy commentary, Bru, thanks.

‘I calls it like I sees it. This one looks perfect for the puppy park and a trip to Starbucks’Ok, i agree. How about this?

‘Hmm- the back looks very comfy- let’s ask the model to lay down so I can get on her back!’

That might seem rude.

‘I want to pull the bows’

Me too! Ok Bru, I think we’re all on to you- you just think that Mr Posen is going to invite you to come drink out of his rich guy toilet in the Hamptons. Remember I’m your plus 1, m’kay?

Photo credits: Vogue.com