Wearable Wednesday Maria Ke Fisherman


Don’t bother fishing for compliments, Maria. The lake is dry.

Pokeman, please go. Major thigh chafe warning- Is she standing in the worlds most useless tote bag?I think her breastplate is made of recycled fast food drink cup holders and her panties were six pack rings. Nice. well, I think the stripes not matching is the least of the crimes on view here. Do I even need to comment on this knitted rick-rack taste of hell? The new Tron full body maxi pad. Photo credits: Vogue.com

Wearable Wednesday Karla Spetic


Hey, you kids in the back! No plucking jokes!

Some of those Hitchcock cameos are hard to find when you first watch….

Hey lady! You dropped your change…and your keys….and your chapstick, oh never mind!?

As the years wore on, Maid Marion tried anything to get Robins attention.

For sale: only worn once- gave up after it got tangled on the washer pole.

Shipwreck day 33….and I look fabulous!!

Come on Esther- you can’t get around the clear purse rule at work….oh.Springfield’s only sewage treatment company with only female employees feels kind of exploitative. Let me leave you with what I can only think of as a belly button ball gag……Photo-credits: Vogue.com

Sartorial Screenings Cage Match! Wife VS Secretary


Children- we have a cautionary tale of Love, fidelity, hair dye, Gable in a steambath,  and oppulent deco decor!

poster

It’s a tale as old as time! A moustache as thin as the plot!wi4

Van is a powerful, suave business man- a titan of publishing! He is of course fully supported by his faithful braless clerical support- Whitey! wh1

Whitey is the perfect secretary! She knows business, makes a great soy latte and serves up sass and encouragement! Van is in love with her  NO!! No, no! Van is happily married to this incredible penthouse! wi2

wi3

Oh, wait- the penthouse has a extra bonus! It’s Linda Stanhope- Van’s ever so lucky and fabulous stay at home wife!wi5

Van and Linda are the happiest! 3 glorious years of wealth and amazing gowns! What depression? Van loves to surprise Linda with lovely gifts, too. wi6

Van gives Linda a gorgeous bracelet inside a trout to remember their romantic camping trips. Seriously- the 3rd anniversary is traditionally the ‘scales’ anniversary- look it up! wi14

Linda even gets along with Mother Stanhope- they often lunch together and beat the maids together. But Father Stanhope was a wastrel and Mother Stanhope fears her son has eyes for Whitey!wi17

I’m sorry? Who let you in here? Who are- oh, you’re Whiteys boyfriend Dave. Yeah, good luck with that.

wi7

wi15

Van is ready to annex another publishing company! I hope it’s anime- that would be cutting edge! He’s a shark! He knows that if the other company knows he’s circling them, they will raise their price and it’ll be  no-go. Isn’t business thrilling? It’s like Wall Street with less hair product. Let’s listen in on this titan of industry as he plans:

wi8

Van and Linda have a fancy party to celebrate their amazing life! But Van ends up calling Whitey to come over and work late!

It’s a good thing they dress formally for dinner in Flatbush and Whitey is so devoted to her job!

wi13Clearly Linda is the most trusting and fabulous wife with no marital issues. She hasn’t even offered Whitey one of her old bras as a gift. wi20

Dave and Whitey have a glorious time! Dave thinks they need to move their relationship to the next level, but Whitey is a career girl!

A perfect assistant. She watches Mad Money all the time! To keep the plans for the take over of Tiger Beat on the low low Whitey and  Van decide to go make their business calls from the local pharmacy- since Whitey has to pick up more peroxide and nipple petals.

Good secretaries always multi-task!wi9

Very clever Whitey! wi11 Mother Stanhope and Linda are also out buying petals for Mother and stop off for a phosphate at the same pharmacy Oh, seeds of doubt are germinating!! That pharmacy is almost as busy as that phone booth!

wi22

wi12

Mother Stanhope needs Linda to wake up! Van is a skirt chasing horndog like his father was! She needs to lock it in with a swiss bank account and some heirs before he knocks up the help! Those are direct quotes. wi10

After a fancy skating party, Linda confronts Van, well sort of, she is doubtful about his relationship with the braless steno-jockey. A fight ensues about replacing Whitey. Honestly, is that the beanie cap of a woman on the prowl?? Ok, maybe he dropped a contact lens.

Van swears that as soon as his big business trip to Havana is over- they’ll go back to fishing and buying statues together and all will be well!wi23

Oh dear! Whitey of the limp ruffles has heard business gossip! Van’s plan could be sunk! She high-tails it to Havana to help Van save the deal!wi25

They work all night! Shoulder to shoulder! Like professionals do! No hankerous in the pankerous!wi24

Meanwhile Dave waits patiently. wi27

Well! The deal gets done and all is well. I wonder if its morning in New York yet? wi28

Uh oh. Linda gets a cold shower that morning when Whitey answers the phone at the hotel! Not good. After all the venom Mother Stanhope has sprayed her with, she is thinking she’s a chump and Whiteys a chippie. Oh dear. Linda decides to leave Van! Well, if Linda is going to drop him, Whitey will catch him. She breaks up with Dave, but makes an attempt to keep wearing a white hat by going to see Linda. Gratuitous amazing bedroom picture! Is that a brass greyhound? Posh to the bosh!!WIFE_VS_SECRETARY_00021

Whitey tells the miffed Linda that no, they hadn’t been involved, but he was a great guy and if Linda didn’t want him, she sure did. So Linda should think about the mistake she’s about to make, because Whitey is getting her track shoes on. wi29

Linda realizes that its better to be with the man she loves and take a chance- maybe never knowing if he is trustworthy, than to be like her bitter Mother in law.

Whitey gives Dave a call. He loves her and he decides to be the bigger man. Honestly, I was hoping he’d run off with Linda.

wvsheader

end

photo credits: little me.

Wearable Wednesday Gucci


Ok, after last week I thought I was starting to understand ‘Resort’. Remember Truman Capotes Caligula Pool party? I miss classy events like that. Jodi Foster in Taxi Driver-…and the last in line was Madeline. Carlo was honored to be on the Popes private flight crew. Oh Lumiere! No!!!!Welcome to Little Nero’s. Would you like a booth or a table?I’m so sorry that your kabob was not to your liking, yes, we’ll comp your dessert. No. not even for Mickey. Miss Marple- the teen mysteries!Tarts! And vicars!Celebrities at the airport- they’re just like us!Milo, this is the 3rd time you’ve been late this week- Mrs Phillips is ready for her waxing!

Photo credits: Vogue.com

Wearable Wednesday Zac Posen


I’ve never figured out what Resort Wear means exactly-

Maybe it’s what you wear when you have a kidney stone?

This is screaming ‘praying mantis launching from a cocoon-Be your own hood ornament-I think this is Florence Welch at CanneA Binoche at Canne-An Senator Organna at Canne-If I just float thru the cafeteria at work in this- will it seem excessive for bbq bar day?Liesl, the angry debutanteOh Zac- you have me a trench coat!!Photo credits: Vogue.com

Wearable Wednesday Christopher Esber


Let’s start slow-

Weirdly enough- I’m seeing Mickey Mouse.

I’ve never seen an outfit that makes a models belly button scream in horror….Huh, there are more strings holding her sandals on than the dress! Sooner or later I’m going to get the hanger so tangled in this that I end up having a psycho meltdown Joan Crawford style. 1 pocket for anti-frizz gel, the other for extra garment supporting shoe laces….‘Hi- I’m wondering if you could help me find something unflattering yet strangely revealing- it’s for a job interview…’Boris Becker was stranded on an island for 5 years…..see his first interview on Inside Edition!Photo credits: Vogue.com

Wearable Wednesday Our Legacy


June is coming- let’s turn this into an angry high school valedictorian speech.

  • Teachers, students and family. Our Legacy is something we aren’t ready to face yet-Our Legacy is confusing and hard to understand-

Our Legacy is spread out before us-

Our Legacy is like nothing we’d have imagined-Our Legacy is uncomfortable to stand in-

Our Legacy is incomprehensible and frightening-Our Legacy is something we should have worked harder for- Our Legacy is just a flash on the horizon!photo credits: Vogue.com