I dreamed of Nordic furniture in my McCall’s 7760


The husband and I love Ikea. Seriously. We both have tiny cars, so the 4 hour round trip usually involves a van rental and days of emailing back and forth with Kallax vs Liatorp debates and budgeting talk. Seriously- we’re dorks that like a giant store.

We have redone the computer room this year- I can’t stand the term ‘man cave’it just harshes my mellow- like Mr B needs a private room to escape from my gardenia scented foolishness…..oh. I get it now. Huh.

Moving along! He needed 400 shelves for his legos. God forbid the different Starwars timelines might meet on a shelf and create a plastic sci-fi wormhole. So we’ve been looking at Ikea Hacks on Pinterest, Reddit, the dark web, you know- like all adults decorate their homes. He now has a Besta/Kallax/Ekat motif.

Here’s a link to a website that explains all the Ikea collection names: https://lar5.com/ikea/ You can thank me in 2 hours. Here’s some meatball porn:

Where is all this going Chubby Sewing Gadfly, you ask? Do I have a point? Um. Sure.

Usually I roam thru Ikea wishing that my husband shopped faster and hiding in the 675 square foot apartment living room and pretending I’m in an episode of Fortutude. This last time I found a bin of Varkage!! Yes, Varkage! I know right? Isn’t that the best? Who doesn’t like Varkage for $4.99 each? Nordic nirvana indeed!! So I bought 2.

Behold- the Ikea hack for little me!!

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McCall’s 7760 has been in the ‘not sure what to do with you’ bin for a few months now. You know I love a floaty chiffon thing- a sartorial hovercraft as it were. I think the gal on the envelope forgot to button it- but she’s trying top look cas about it.

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But it’s a lot of flutteriness for a top on my delicate pork shoulders- but as a swingy jacket over whatnot- yes indeed. Enter the Varkage! No changes to the pattern other than some minor woodging to get it all on my 2 pieces. Ikea- I rarely complain about you- but could you make the Varkage a hair wider? Thanks, err- TAKK and stuff.

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Most of the woodging sacrificed the sleeve length- I had to change the sleeves to a cuffed 3/4 length as I was really scheming to avoid a back seam and hopefully use the fringes edges to best advantage. By the by- the pups loved the Varkage- I had to rescue it several times from becoming a nest under one of them. Got to remember not to fling this across the back of the chair in the bedroom (Remsta in Djuparp blue-green velvet- Article number 203.447.61)  I did a very primitive zigzag at the edges to let it have a little fringey business as it gets worn. Just like me! Worn out and fringey! Check out this little picnic area:

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photo credits: little me, Mccalls.

I dreamed I was bas-ackwards in my Butterick 6375


I was so jazzed about this pattern when I saw it. Gees, that pretty much says that I’m going to rain all over the Butterick parade today, but I swear, I’m not. Not even going to say that this one puts the Butt in Butterick. Look at that swishy little hip flounce. I figured why not? These hips were made for Flouncin’ and that’s just what they’ll do, right?B6375_xa

Side note- the hanger appeal to this is a bit wonky. The side wrappy business goes from gallbladder all the way around the world to ‘don’t poke me there- I’ll squeal’. On a hanger it’s unsecured and hangs down past the hem like a poorly packed parachute. Ready? I followed all the directions, but I think this one got a little complicated or something for me- behold- my flounce has a doggy door.  IMG_1675.JPG

See that? I know it’s hard with my gaudy-flage, but my pleat doesn’t cover the pattern cover deception! The  tech drawing doesn’t really make you so aware that the front skirt is not one full peplum with a pleat gently accenting it. Nope. It’s a pleat hanging over an open flap- like you’d find in giant refrigerated buildings- so the flies don’t gather on your brisket. Well, peeps, my brisket is semi-exposed here. Not a huge deal , i suppose, it just looks clumsy to me- I didn’t have enough fabric left to redo it and make it more of a procenium for my stage. So I get a little flappy.

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By the by, this is make up free sunday- I apologize for the horror show, but I took pictures after sneaking a shower while the husband shampoo’d the carpets. We were at door hair/dog piddle saturation point- quite literally. Too much info? Shall we get back to the flies on my brisket?

Funny thing. I popped this on then ran for the camera- trying not to make eye contact with ‘he who is most persecuted because he’s doing chores’ and thought, huh, this fits oddly thru the shoulders and I don’t remember it being so….cowly. Whatevs. As the cool kids say. Huh, the back is kind of airy too. No wonder I haven’t worn this more than once. But I really like he cowl and the belt. I need to wear this soon. Pull pattern from bin, start gathering my wooly thoughts…..

This ring-tailed tooty is on backwards and Crappity-doo. It looks better. Hold on- let me do a little quick change-

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Bippidy-Boppity-blah. You should see me put a sweater on the dog- I’m like Houdini. Yup. The dog disappears.

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Amazing right? I know there is something wrong with me. No matter what my Mom says. Anyhoo……..

photo credits: little me, Pattern review

I dreamed I was a Hand Puppet in my Butterick 6359


Connie, Connie, Connie. Why is there only one review of this out there? It didn’t even get a picture. Sigh.

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Here I am, Saint Annelicious- The patron Saint of Bad Textile Ideas. Bless me Father for I have used much foul language, violence against inanimate objects and post-sew snacks.

I have a wearable dress, but……. only from this angle.

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I work in a healthcare setting- so I try to avoid anything that looks Scrubby or closes with a self-fabric tie. But, every foolish plan has it’s day, you knows?

*Trivia note: the Husband thinks that prolonged uninterrupted sewing is an indication that things are going well. Machine start and stop is an indication of struggle and doom. Weird, right? I learned from my Mother that screams of ‘GOD BLESS AMERICA!’ and ‘DIRTY BIRD?!’ indicated struggle and doom and that kids, it was time to play outside- perhaps in another state.

So, this pattern has a LOT of straight swathes of stitching. Great tracts of straight stitching. I basically made myself curtains. That should have been my first clue of a problem. What plus-sized or other pattern has a completely flat-show a Drive in Movie- ‘oh Look, Rory Calhoun!’  on it shapeless back? Or side panels with no darts or shaping?  A giant hospital gown does. Perfect. My dream. It is pretty bedpan friendly.

Deceptive pattern picture girl probably has a giant clamp on the back like she’s just said yes to the dress Atlanta. Look at that front fold- it’s my new enemy.  It clings and puddles in the back and sways like an opera curtain in front. I pinched out about 3. inches tapering out of the skirt on the front pieces and its like the fabric is all rushing to meet me in front. Obviously it doesn’t know how charming I am.

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But I never know when to give up, do I?  Just ask any of my husbands!

I tapered, I angled, I chopped away at this dress like Vidal Sassoon on poor Rosemary.

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I hate fabric ties, so I had already decided to change the outer one to a sassy button. Then I got really frisky and changed the inner one to a wide bit of elastic. I did use the bias pattern guides to finish off the neck edges, I just cut off and tucked the ends in.   

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Ok, now I’m happy straight on. BUT, when I turn to the side- either one- there is a giant problem with that back- it’s dragging, it’s creating an upper butt puddle of fabric. a lovely over the tush valance of drapy horror. YAY! I tried fish-eye darts- vertical ones. It created a serious pulling drag feature on the sides. Like the ultimate cage match between who needed more of the bedclothes- Goldilocks or the 3 bears. The 3 Bears sadly were my breasts and paunch.

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Connie, you are truly concerned with my arm hole gaps, but you don’t seem concerned with my butt puddling?!

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So I just kept pinning until I could gather enough out and still be ok with it. I ended up with a horizontal tuck across the shoulder blades. So call it a wearable muslin or a design detail. Whatevs. I’ve given it more of my life force that I think I should have, Connie?!

So next hurdle. I wore this to work and had to make 2 emergency trips to the ladies to secure the 3 bears. Pictures taken during neighbors coming home from work- whats so weird about me trying to show my nethers to a peach tree in my yard, can you answer me that???butt6

You get lots of very convenient scratching opportunities in a wrap dress. Have pointer, will satisfy!

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Oh, by the way, if you get the fancy idea to do it with a sheer contrast, that skirt panel is sheer to the upper thigh- so you can have the se-xxxy hospital gown you see in the porn films. ‘Nurse Janet- the patent seems agitated! Do what you can to soothe them!!’

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photo credits: Pattern Review, Little me.

I Dreamed it rained on my Vogue 1496


Do you curate a clothing museum? You know what I mean? You sew things that don’t have anything to do with you, your coloring, shape, lifestyle- then refuse to part with them? I’m getting better about that. I used to buy clothes that were great sales, but matched nothing. So they hung out in my closet and admired my shoes. I got into the bad habit of buying fabric the same way. Now I curate a Modern art museum- nothing matches the sofa or makes any sense.

So I’m trying- trying, trying, to be responsible.

Sew what you know you like: Tunics, crazy art teacher togs

Sew what you look good in: Tunics, tapered crazy art teacher togs, less brown, more soft shades.

Blue has always made me feel sickly.  But I think it’s me- our relationship needs to change. So I bought 5 pieces of blue fabric from Fabricmart. Here we go:

Vogue 1496- looks like a pool cover up. But it’s the back that sells it. It’s got this wrap around, backs seam- wait- what did they call it? Very loose-fitting, tapered, pullover dress has V-neckline, optional pockets (stitched in place), front extending into yoke back, no shoulder seams, back armhole openings with narrow hem, and stitched hem. Hot Buttered chipmunks- that’s me!!!

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No, that’s a size 4 dehydrated model.

Here’s me:

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Breath-taking! I know, right? It’s like a sexy hospital gown on a sexy hunchback. I made no changes- it’s so easy and comfortable and despite it maybe not being the most flattering look I’ve made- it’s summer in the south and I’m liking it! Here’s a dandy picture of the sleeve/armhole/slashy business:

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Do you want to meet my friend? Ms Holloway is sporting my left overs- done up in a sassy Simplicity 2599- the staple shell pattern that is perfect for all occasions. I got all kinds of frisky and gathered bias strips on an angle to make her more fun. Now I have to stop myself from mindlessly fluffing my breastal area  all day. It’s worse if I’m wearing this blouse of course. Just let that settle for a minute.

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So I have a dress I’ll actually wear and a shell that is perfect for the 7:15 ‘what the hell don’t I need to iron???’ mornings. Here’s a bonus action shot- me doing the 100th throw of the purple toy since I got home from work. Last nerve fraying like cheap costume satin.

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photo credits: Pattern Review, little me

I dreamed I was serving kibble in my Vogue 9293


calgonVogue 9293- a very jaunty summer pattern that screams McCall’s to me. It went together so well- so easy that it’s a darned shame that we aren’t getting along. I think it’s the vacillating front tie. Over the paunch? Under the paunch? Straddle the paunch? Look, little tie- you decide. I’ve got other fish to fry. Whats that Flawless Wanda, you don’t have a paunch? Well, Vogue says you’re easy- so take that!

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This is a mix of 2 fabrics that leapt at me from the closet- they may have just needed air, but I put them together anyway. A pintucked coton in a green that my liver avoids, but I just love. A striped motif challis. Lord I love challis- oh, its like my 8th grade crush- I never get over the butterflies when I see a challis sale!

2 So I’d hoped for some lovely outdoor pics and a little sun and summer atmosphere, but for some reason the dogs freaked out on eachother during supper time and I ended up feeding one on the bed- because his sisters ganged up on him while he was eating. So pictures before the evening thunderstorm are in my boudoir with me giving the stink eye to my rowdy german hounds.

Pattern thoughts:

No zipper needed for this sexy pyramid- after numerous basted try-ons, I just skipped it. I love the column feel to this, but  I can’t  help feeling like:

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Also, has anyone mentioned that it feels like it’s drifting backward? I have slopy shoulders, so I’m not used to that! 3

These dogs- I swear- I cannot find my inner Goddess muse with them fighting and throwing toys?! 4

 

photo credits: Pattern Review, little me.

I dreamed I was abducted by aliens in Simplicity 8125


 

Burda2Remember me? I used to blog! Ok, well, I’d like to tell you a fancy tale about pirates, ninjas and a ring of Beanie Baby knock off smugglers and an international chase with cable cars, but……..I got nothing. Honestly, I just got lazy. Once I got out of the habit of taking pictures after each first wear- it snowballed and I just never got back to it! But alas, I’ve missed the adoration of the masses, the community, the feeling of kinship with other people who don’t just stare blankly when I rhapsodize over my joy at self- facings. Burda3

So here I am! Back in the yard while Mr B is off at Beer Club. It’s a thing. What separates it from alcoholism is the bumper sticker. It’s Mead night. I think that involves horned helmets and lots of braided beards. I’ve politely declined my breastplate opportunity.

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By the by- this is the exact face I made during gym class. Bewildered and not sure where the ball was. We have a new (to us) Pup-pup. Please met Jas-mini! She is our rescue dog- we found a black and Tan Dapple Dachsie at the local Petsmart/Humane society event and as they say in the war movies- NEVER LEAVE A MAN BEHIND! So. Lets get this party started. Mini is a fetching machine and this dress looks lovely in motion. I know this because everytime I walked to the cafeteria in it, I got compliments. It gently swirled about me as I bent into the ice cream cooler. can I get some love for my excellent match of shoe and textile? I mean really!

So Mini will fetch while I toss the yellow bone and tell you about my stellar work on this Franken-pattern. We proceed.

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I’ve had simplicity 8125 for a very long time. It’s OOP and hasn’t gotten much love on Pattern review. One review in a pretty floral. I chose the longest version with the little flippy awning sleeves. But I have issues. That seam down the front- can I be saved from that? How about that back seam? You know I’m no fan of the back seam- if I can weasel in without a zip- I am weaselin’! So I trotted to the vault where good fabric waits for bad ideas. I found 2 lovely challis prints that Fabricmart made me buy and when I held them up together for Mr B- he plotzed. I assured him- or tried to that it was a great idea! He was beyond uncertain. Normally that would make me pause and question, but I WANTED THIS!!!! So Bruder and I retreated to the sewingroom to shake our little fists and rue stuff.

Oh! Do you know what this needs???? A overskirt! So I stole the overskirt piece from Burda 6944 – a pattern I bought when the Hancock fabric was closing and I was on a spree. I think I saved enough of the original concept to make the top half almost recognizable- almost? Sort of? IMG_1380 (1)

Once I was in square handkerchief frenzy- I decided to add a triangle of the contrast fabric to the center of each sleeve awning. By the way, pattern placement failed me. I liked to see the little birds, but I kept seeing one out of the corner of my eye and the white splash was jarring. I’m easily distracted.

Once I got this all together, we had a cold snap. Seriously. A cold snap in SC. So this stayed on Ms Holloway the dress form for a week or two and I felt like it was calling out- ‘Hey! I’m not busy enough!’ so I added some copper-toned bits of business to satisfy my inner crow. Finally the weather cleared up and we are back to the 1 hour of spring we get every year before it turns to a back fat blistering southern hell. Action shot- I’m moving so fast, everything but Bruder is a blur!

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Mini? May I ask why you are refuses to get into camera range? You aren’t Garbo you little snot- get back over here and be cute so one of us is coo-worthy! Burda4

Min-Min, come here, precious! Bring the drool soaked yellow bone to Mama! Come here pretty girl! Go get her Bruder! Ok, just lay down.

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Why do I try to organize you beasties?! I swear- none of you are earning the kibble!

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photo credits: little me, Pattern Review

Growling at 2016- with Butterick6241


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Well, Happy New Years Eve from little me and all of us at Mutual of Omaha!

I’m feeling most frisky today- new year approaching, new possibilities, new yada yada….

it’s time for Jungle January 5 and a renewed sense of sewing wonder- cuz I wonder how many peeps will join me and what wonders we shall see!

I haven’t blogged any makes in a while- I’ve made lots of staples and repeats, but nothing that could bring any new inspiration or tell a new tale- so I’ve kept happily wearing, but not sharing!

Today I have a little variation on Butterick 6241- check out that wonky-woo hem on the green version!

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a pattern I like to think of as faux Tilton- it’s sort of Lagenlook with lots of seams….it’s been in the possible pile for months- but I don’t like the front zipper- those unzipped knit collars take me back to 80’s track suits and that’s not good for me. I never got the exposed zipper as decoration thing either. So I just skipped that part and went mock turtle on it.

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I’m loving this- slightly fitted, but cozy, boxy- no stomachs sucking in- totally my thing. These pictures were going to be outside- in my semi-urban jungle, but it started sleeting! Seriously. How thoughtless.  This print is so ferocious- it defied the camera to show us both in focus- it was me or purple kitty- not both!!!

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One thought- the gigantic pocket wings are lovely little details- but the backside will show and my backside is very white! Well, I guess that would be assumed, wouldn’t it! So I tacked them together  so they are still fancy usable, but not so backside viewing. Cuz I’m pure class as you know.

Also, why a center back seam? It’s minimally shaped- so what’s the point? It didn’t save very much fabric doing it on the fold- call me decadent- I waste fabric!

Now after I twirl a bit, let’s talk Jungle January 5!!!!!

If you are game, so am I!

Link your makes to this post and #junglejanuary5 on twitter!

This year I’d like to see some previous makes and how you have enjoyed the Jungle all year-long! Throw some selfies on twitter with

#wearthatgrrr let’s strut like predators all month, no- year long!

Every ferocious Friday we’ll have our catwalk roundup!!

One reminder- let’s love the animals and appreciate their skins on them- we’re celebrating the beauty of the print and all its purring power!!!!

photo credits: little me!