Sartorial Screenings Brings you The Women!!


Greetings fellow Frilly Filmies! Today we take on a major cinematic classic- the 1939 classic- George Cukor’s The Women. Get your popcorn, prepare the bathtub and pour out a cupful of Mr Bubbles in honor of this major event. I’m a huge fan of this movie and I think it influenced my opinion on female friendships, divorce, dude ranches and snark- not all of them in a positive way! The play was adapted to meet Code by Anita Loos- of Gentlemen prefer Blondes fame. Oh, I’m excited about this!!!! Ready? We go!

This is Mary Haines. She is a mother, socialite and all around saint. She has perfect hair,  Shoulder pads,  and husband. She is in for a seriously bad week. DO53klmX4AExAPV

This is Sylvia- her bestie and total gossip-beast. Her husband is a lawyer and she’s having an affair while he has one too. So life is perfect.


She knows the secret to a happy life is a well-maintained figure and a clueless husband. This is their friend Peggy- she’s young and new to the marriage game. She should avoid Sylvia. In 1939 this is all you had to do to fit into bias cut dresses- because MacDonalds won’t open for another 20 years.gym

Sylvia has major gossip from the salon. Her nail tech told her the most interesting things about the perfect Mrs Steven Haines- he’s stepping out on Mary like a dog!! nails

Now what is a good friend to do? what if it’s not true? They should go all Perry Mason and investigate the Case of the Spread-legged Strumpet! What do we know? She’s a shop girl and she’s been peddling her wares looking for a wealthy moron. Steven is perfect! Off they go to Gimbels to scope her out- being all cas as only Sylvia can do! jasmine

Exhibit A: Crystal Allen- the accessory from the accessories department- she is meant for finer things and doesn’t mind taking them out of someone elses home to get them. She’s going to hook Steven and that’s all there is to it! she makes plans to get him to sleepover while Mary and the kid are at a ‘Wealthy Mothers against gluten filled snacks’ fundraiser. shopgirl

Sylvia knows that Mary will be crushed- but Mary is the trusting sort and knows that her marriage is built on a higher plain and that no one could come between the rich, meaningful love her husband and she share. Oh Mary- you’re making me sad. If Drew Barrymoore and Tom Green couldn’t last- what hope do you have? syl mar

Sylvia cannot believe this farce and under the guise of friendly advice, sets Mary up with her own nail tech. Things go poorly. For all of you out there saying they hate when manicurists don’t speak english in front of them- think of Mary. reveal

Mary is very upset. What about their wonderful life together? What about their plans for a Labradoodle Rehab center in the Berkshires??? Oh, this is disillusioning on so many levels. Also, the bitch was hard on Mary’s cuticles and they’re a little tender now.


Well, when the going gets tough, the well-coiffed get going….on a cruise with their mother. Leaving little Mary home with the dog. She’ll tell Mary right after she changes into another Mr Furley jumpsuit- since it has been 3 hours since she changed last.huh

Little Mary decides to go live with her Sister and her husband C K Dexterhaven Mary takes it like a big girl. Well, Bermuda was lovely, Mary comes back refreshed and eager to renew her faith in Steven, her home and her idyllic marriage. post

She’s going to need new clothes- lots of them! Off she goes to the salon where conveniently everyone is scoping out the new shoulder pads too. Mary is apparently the band leader today. 3484059094_22d8846b56_b

Time for a major and unexplainable technicolor fashion show! Now. The backstory that I have always heard was that Norma Shearer- married to a big studio guy heard rumor that a certain munchkin-filled money pit on another set was getting a ‘color sequence’ and she had to have one too! I don’t know if thats 100% accurate but I like to think it was. Here’s some serious Adrian (also of the munchkin film) couture.14-the-women-1939-film




Mary, things are not all rosie. Crystal is still clinging to your husband. In fact- she may even be here at the ritzy salon where she is also spending Stevens money! Joan1

Sylvie is bursting to tell Mary that the cat is among the canaries! Like friends who care about you do of course- in a nurturing and solicitous manner. preconfront

Well, Mary is no shrinking society violet- she will go and confront the skank in a most dignified way- telling Crystal that Steven wouldn’t like such ‘obvious’ clothing choices. Crystal fires back that ‘when Steven doesn’t like what she wears- she takes it off!’


Oh, 1939 burn that we still don’t have enough aloe for! standoff

Ok, that tears it! If Mary learned anything at Miss Porters it was when to make an exit. She tells her mother she is out of here! Ma is a bit old school- like one room old school. She tells Mary to just ignore it. She has the house, the Hummels, the kid, the name. Let him have his skanky fun- like your father did. You’ll outlive him and buy big hats. mary leaving

Mary says screw that- I’m going to RENO. In 1939 Mary couldn’t get a quick Manhattan divorce- so society ladies take the luxury train to Nevada, spa it and establish residency. sport some faux western wear, make new friends,  and boom- you get your divorce. Hijinks ensue. Mary meets The Countess De Lave (seriously) and Miriam -I assume to divorce the husband she’s leaving for Sylvia’s husband- phew! That’s a lot of lawyers!reno train

Sad Peggy from the lady gym has had another fight about burnt toast with her husband and is on the train too. But she has a secret. She doesn’t want a divorce- she just got worked up.pregnant

The divorce dude Ranch is run by the fabulous Marjorie Main- and no one can give sage advice like her!marjorie-main-01 If they weren’t paying her so much- she’s send all these cats packing! She is assisted by a yodeling ranch hand- Buck. He’s all buff no brain. But provides moonlight canoeing/canoodling for the bored pre-divorcees. in reno

They were pretty bored until Sylvia arrived- her lawyer husband is dumping her and oh, surprise- she’s sharing a cabin with his future bunkmate! reaction

Catfight!!!! camp


An Uneasy truce follows- since they are stuck there! The soon to be x’es keep them up to date on all the Manhattan gossip. reno1

Mary starts to regret her hasty exit and is ready to get back on the train and return to Manhattan with Preggers Peggy and reconnect with Steven- when he calls and tells her he’s married Crystal! Seriously? Really Steven. I’ve never seen you but I just know you look weaselly.


Everyone is back in Manhattan, the Duchess has brought back a souvenir in the form of Buck- who she is planning to turn into the next big Luke Holmes (thats a singer my coworker says is hot- I abstain from Country and or western) since one of her x-husbands lost a lot of radio stations to her.

Our Mary is sharing custody of little Mary who is helping her adjust to being alone and being kind of a joke to her catty

How is Crystal adjusting you ask? Steven is boring, and once she finished putting in an olympic regulation sized spa tub and extra private phone line in, she is bored too.


Seriously, on those House Hunters shows the women go gaa-gaa over the giant spa tub- Crystal must be the patron saint of all things tiling. Crystal is of course a nurturing soul and totally cherishes her time with little Mary, so everything is really great for this new urban family.bath2

But, everyone is starting to notice that Crystal is ignoring Steven and soaking something off her’. Even her new best friend Sylvia- who is in a strange Genie phase between marriages is suspicious. I think that hat comes with a tiny pingpong ball to catch in it.wo1

Oh Crystal what are you up to? Hmmm……bath

This can’t end well! Poor Duchess de Lava Soap! A 6th bad marriage? Gah- it’s like she barely thinks about these things! I’m sure no one has noticed this situation. Except everyone in their circle! Mary is even getting wise to it. Little Mary thinks her father is sad and regretful and drowning under Crystals bath bomb expenditures. yodel

When the Duchess finds out she will yank Bucks yodeller out too!


Who’s going to tell Steven the sad news? Look kids, its real life Hollywood columnist- Hedda Hopper! In an outfit I believe she stole from Emerald Citys career collection.


Hedda drops the bomb that Crystal is Bucking around on Steven!  Crystal is unamused and unrepentant. she still thinks she’s got another horse in the race. lastjoan

Mary leaves the party to race home and put on her best shoulder pads and come console Steven! It’s not sloppy seconds if you owned the buffet first! Time to confront the slut with what they know! joan

Crystal is all ‘So? Bucks a star- we’ll live on his money!’ Um- sorry chippie- none of the Duchess’s radio stations will be playing that noise anymore. You’re back to the 5 & dime!

end joan

Mary? Are you sure? Steven misses you, but your pride? What about it? At least wait until you’ve kicked Sylvias ass, right? holla

Mary races out of the lounge that is apparently the same size as the party- cuz why not, right? Ready to embrace Steven and forget the whole thing happened. Little Mary will get a seal for Christmas and it can live in Crystals tub.

credits: little me, Glamourdaze.

Wearable Wednesday Marianna Senchina

Parents, Faculty and honored guests! Welcome to this years Spring recital! The Enid Bainbridge School of Charm, Vocal and Baton is very excited to show you the class of 2018! First up is our valedictorian Pansy Ellis singing a medley of Roberta Flack and Janis Ian songs!


Brava! Next up is Ariel Payton and her flaming Baton performing to the theme from ‘Sweet Charity!’ Watch that scarf Ariel- you don’t want a repeat of the event from the preview!


Alice Whittier will now recite the Rhyme of the Ancient Mariner while demonstrating how to load and unload an assault rifle- lets hear it for Alice!


Barbara Cummings will now dance the Chacha ‘real smooth’ as the kids say to her brother Alec on his lute!


Tho just beginning her studies here, Keisha Tipton is more than accomplished at her musical saw and roller skating tango!


Is everyone ready for a treat? Eunice Wiley will now perform Send In the Clowns while wrestling a baby alligator! Don’t worry- Eunice is a pro and won’t miss a note! VBO_5666

So sad, Velveta Clark is unable to perform her selections from Hamilton! on the bassoon- but Pansy Ellis’s Mom insists its no trouble for her to perform another lovely selection for us- this time selections from Anne Morrow Lindbergh’s Gifts from the Sea.


What a talented bunch of young Ladies and we are so proud! Now for our finale- we’d love all of the alumni to join  us as Lula Preston honors our founder with a blues rendition of ’10 cents a dance!’ the original motto of our studio! VBO_5694

photo credits:

I dreamed of Nordic furniture in my McCall’s 7760

The husband and I love Ikea. Seriously. We both have tiny cars, so the 4 hour round trip usually involves a van rental and days of emailing back and forth with Kallax vs Liatorp debates and budgeting talk. Seriously- we’re dorks that like a giant store.

We have redone the computer room this year- I can’t stand the term ‘man cave’it just harshes my mellow- like Mr B needs a private room to escape from my gardenia scented foolishness…..oh. I get it now. Huh.

Moving along! He needed 400 shelves for his legos. God forbid the different Starwars timelines might meet on a shelf and create a plastic sci-fi wormhole. So we’ve been looking at Ikea Hacks on Pinterest, Reddit, the dark web, you know- like all adults decorate their homes. He now has a Besta/Kallax/Ekat motif.

Here’s a link to a website that explains all the Ikea collection names: You can thank me in 2 hours. Here’s some meatball porn:

Where is all this going Chubby Sewing Gadfly, you ask? Do I have a point? Um. Sure.

Usually I roam thru Ikea wishing that my husband shopped faster and hiding in the 675 square foot apartment living room and pretending I’m in an episode of Fortutude. This last time I found a bin of Varkage!! Yes, Varkage! I know right? Isn’t that the best? Who doesn’t like Varkage for $4.99 each? Nordic nirvana indeed!! So I bought 2.

Behold- the Ikea hack for little me!!


McCall’s 7760 has been in the ‘not sure what to do with you’ bin for a few months now. You know I love a floaty chiffon thing- a sartorial hovercraft as it were. I think the gal on the envelope forgot to button it- but she’s trying top look cas about it.


But it’s a lot of flutteriness for a top on my delicate pork shoulders- but as a swingy jacket over whatnot- yes indeed. Enter the Varkage! No changes to the pattern other than some minor woodging to get it all on my 2 pieces. Ikea- I rarely complain about you- but could you make the Varkage a hair wider? Thanks, err- TAKK and stuff.


Most of the woodging sacrificed the sleeve length- I had to change the sleeves to a cuffed 3/4 length as I was really scheming to avoid a back seam and hopefully use the fringes edges to best advantage. By the by- the pups loved the Varkage- I had to rescue it several times from becoming a nest under one of them. Got to remember not to fling this across the back of the chair in the bedroom (Remsta in Djuparp blue-green velvet- Article number 203.447.61)  I did a very primitive zigzag at the edges to let it have a little fringey business as it gets worn. Just like me! Worn out and fringey! Check out this little picnic area:


photo credits: little me, Mccalls.

Wearable Wednesday John Galliano

Well hello Rebecca of Sluttybrook Farms!

Things sure changed for the boys when Becky Thatcher started that Women’s Studies class.

Everything’s up to date in Kansas City-

We’ve gone about as fer’ as we can go!Welcome to Kitty’s! May I get you a sasparilla with a syphilis chaser?

Madeline- the unpublishable years-

You know this is the girl that always told ob Sarah Crew- she’s got finishing school narc written all over her.

Picnic at Whoring Rock- premiering on Amazon!Photo credits:

Wearable Wednesday Peter Pilotto

When I heard there was an opening in the management training group- Edna ran straight from the pool!

I miss the Munsters.

I also miss the Addams Family. this is either my favorite sofa or my favorite trench- eithers fine.

These younger royals really can breathe life into a war memorial service.

This is a lovely dress, but all I see are her Bernstein Bear toes.

Remember when the Brady kids all performed in a talent show? Focus on that so the tassel doesn’t horrify you.

Stay away from the wood chipper, Eileen!!!

That’s some fancy Tupperware for storing your orange! Attention everyone! In case of inflight mishap- your steward isn’t can be used as a flotation device! Enjoy your flight! Photo credits:

Wearable Wednesday Gareth Pugh

Not everyone was in agreement about Dr Xavier’s new school uniforms- but the cheerleaders least of all.

You know I’m always in the lookout for a new interview suit-this clicks so many boxes!

Aw- there’s even a little hole for tickling!I think her expression says it all. Im already tired of the new Dynasty transgender reboot. Eloise noticed that late in her pregnancy her hair needed a lot of control. i…. just can’t. Souxie and The Batshit Crazies is my favorite tribute band. no, honestly Carla- it isn’t too much. Photo credits:

Sartorial Screenings- Sudden Fear!

Joan Crawford- the little strumpet that could! By the 1950’s the industry had changed a bit and Joan was out in the cold without a worshipful studio boss to sleep with and actors who emote were showing up!? Here she is in her academy award nominated set chewing frenzy!

Joan is accomplished, wealthy and writes for the stage! Like Edith Wharton and Neil Simon in a horrible lab experiment!

Let’s play a game, shall we? Let’s count the scenes where Joan positions herself to look up at Cheekbones to stretch her crepey/creepy neck to best aging advantage! Who’s Cheekbones? -why Cheekbones Palance! He’s just finished a 16 city tour of Flowers for Algernon the musical and is ready to take broadway by storm! He’s the lead in her new super-soaper-ama!


He’s brooding, pensive and a wee bit wooden. Not that the script is helping- it’s like Joan writes for the Dove candy heart wrappers. She’s unmoved by his craft- her words of love coming from him are like packing peanuts without salt. All the content, but no flavor. *Obviously she never saw that Ripley Believe it or Not episode where he acts out Rasputin’s death- that was drama, llama!

She gets his bony ass fired!! Job well done- she gets Rob Lowe- Hollywood’s great closer to step in and boom- box office gold. Now she’s headed for San Diego- her real home for some R&R and virgin gnu placenta skin rejuvenation treatments. Anything to keep time at bay!


Oh, who’s that looking like a pile of chicken wings in a grey flannel suit? It’s Palance! What is he doing on this random train to San Diego? Oh Kismet fiesta, indeed!


She’s coy- but he woo’d her with stories of his blue-collar youth and years of working in gay porn. fear13

Ok, he was poor, that’s about it. They play poker and he shows her that money (hers) means nothing to him! Folks this train trip is longer than a Kardashian marriage. Many costumes showed only from the collar bones up. I’m not sure Joan wasn’t wearing the bottom half of a vaudeville horse costume during most of these scenes. sudd5

Oh, Cheekbones- let me show you MY Sandiego! They do Chinatown, a bridge or two,  Comic-Con of course, all the tourist trappings. Her friends are charmed!sudd 25



But by the end of the week- he tells her that their worlds don’t mesh and puts on a show of trying to sneak out of town- yeah right?! Those cheekbones are made to dig gold!


She begs him to stay- their worlds aren’t so different! He swallows his pride and returns to her. As they grow closer she shares her life with him- including her creepy home office that records everything she says to use in her awful plays- I’m thinking Joan has one of these at home too! Kids- this is foreshadowing. sudden9

They marry! He looks for work in the area- possibly as a floor walker at comic-con. His friends accept him as her jagged future.


They do all the society parties together and hold the phone- who is this little harlot on a half-shell? It’s Irene! The girl he left behind.  I love me some Gloria Grahame- no one was born to say ‘Toots’ like Ado Annie! sudd4

Cheeks tries to act all super casual- not noticing that his wife is quite the gamey old hen next to his last chick. But they’re in love, right? so much passion under all that tulle- and that’s just him!


He’s trying desperately to milk this cash cow and needs no distractions! He’d better get IRENE in check once he’s put the old lady down for the night.


Now, he will slip into even more clothes and hit the street! Off to the sweet unspoiled innocence of that hardly opened bud that is Irene!


Irene will not allow our poor honest Cheeks to live in kept man peace- she has designs on him and his wife’s money.

fear 1

Something has to break- but is he really a bad guy or is Irene playing him like the xylophone he resembles when he’s in a swimsuit?? fear10

Myra/Joan is totally trusting- she KNOWS love- cuz she writes, write? I mean So what if Jackie Collins was married like 820 times……Well, nevermind. It’s time to redraft her super will and her lawyer/2 dimensional prop has a notion that $10,000 a year until he remarries is enough for even the most impressively sculpted lothario. No, Joan does not believe in limiting her love or her prospective widowers ability to grieve in the Riviera. fear14

Sounds like a great plan, Joan.

Life goes on, Myra searches for emu blood for her skin treatments and they host way too many parties for the charity that she plans to leave most of her father’s money to.  The guest list is not very exclusive, cough, cough.


Irene- subtly-get some!   Stop showing up for every party and flaunting your natural eyebrows! It’s rude! sudd2

Irene and Cheeks dally in the office- because, it’s full of erotic etchings and nothing fires the libido like making out on top of Myra’s bank statements. Oh, but Cheeks forgets about the Dictaphone! OOH! It’s voice activated and Irene is Cheeks activated! Various ideas for creating a Crawford corpse are bandied about. Luckily no one listens to themselves talk every night before bedtime.

That would be bad! fear15

Lets pause here and ask ourselves what is under this robe? Scuba suit? majorette costume? that swimsuit Connery wore in Dr No? Lets thank the team that made all this possible, shall we? credits

Myra/Joan is not going  to take this killer husband crap lying down! Oh, no Ma’am! In  a plot worthy of…..a better film, Myra turns the tables on them! She will get them both to meet up at Irene’s bordello bungalow and leave compromising notes for each and make it look like a murder suicide and arise like a phoenix with false eyelashes!


Over a pre-theatre dinner, Joan/Myra tries to find a way to delay their departure while she crams notes in their gloves. She’s wearing a fab dress here- I’d like to say this next picture isn’t a publicity photo and that Myra/Joan has this stand in a corner of the den….. I mean, I know I have a posing perch for Bruder and I. Captain Morgan anyone? 52fear9

Joan/Myra claims to be upset that both she and Irene are both wearing white and she’ll go change before the house is struck by righteous lightning. She cunningly rubs some Max Factor on her c’ankle so she can swan dive down the stairs and not go out with them.sudd6

Mercy- what a sexy fall that must have been! Concerned friends gather to mourn-


No- they can’t leave her here alone! all of her spangles will go to waste! She’s far too noble to make them all suffer- go, go you crazy kids! fear5

Ok, Myra/Joan bustles the Cheesers out of the house- leaving her alone with her solicitious husband- after planting a pair of ‘kiss,kiss meet me in your garage and we’ll make a dead wife’ notes in Irene and Cheek’s fannypacks. He worries about her- offering her a nice unlabelled aspirin and a neck massage. She feints sleep to get him to leave.sudd1

She throws on a subtle floor length pelt, a scarf like Irenes and beats feet thru San Diego where the shadows elongate her torso as God intended. She races to Irenes bungalow and tries to catch her alone- she’ll shoot her and frame Cheeks! She test fires. To see how she looks in an action shot.fear3

But Cheeks has shown up for some of his and Irene’s kinky weirdness! Poor people are gross!


Ok, she’ll shoot Cheeks and frame Irene! But she can’t do it! She can’t go against her own moral code even to save herself! Dumb ass. She runs out into the street- but Cheeks thinks she’s Irene running from him- he follows her! fe17

They race thru SanDiego- driving rather recklessly when he realizes it’s Myra! Now he’s got a plan! fe20

You know what? I can’t ruin this for all of you- it’s too good. You’ll thank me later! Oral reports are due on 10/1/2018. MV5BZjY2NmY2NzctY2JiZi00Nzc2LWI3Y2MtNGY2ZGIxODA5MTdjXkEyXkFqcGdeQXVyMjUxODE0MDY@__V1_

photo credits: little me