Ah, awards night! Rich with tradition, formality and dignity.The team from Price Waterhouse have arrived and it is time for the selection of the first Pattern Pyramid Pile winner. The air is thick with tension, nerves strain as our honored selector moves into position on the selection altar/coffee table. Bruderlein has been training for this for his entire life! His impartiality is second only to his love of fairness and equality…ok, whatever, he’s a dog.Our team here at The Grievances have placed each name facedown on the selection altar/coffee table and it is being further masked by a small piece of purina senior cat diet indoor formula**.
On with the selection!Oh, it’s a melee! The Price Waterhouse reps are storming the selection altar/coffee table! Please keep your seats as security works to control the situation.Oh, the carnage! Not since the MTV video awards of 1998 has such barbarity ensued during a time-honored presentation. This crap NEVER happens at the Nobel awards?! It’s a dark day for humanity say I.Alright, the names have now been entered into my saturday night chapeau and a new drawing will commence. We appreciate your patience and during this time we ask you to take a moment to reflect, so that when your grandchildren ask you where you were on the day of the…
FIRST PATTERN PYRAMID PILE DRAWING!!
you will be ready with fresh images and feelings about the…..Oh! Oh! We have a winner!!!We request that Velosewer! please email me to begin the glorious mailing process and life of rich envy that our winner has entered into. Thank you everyone and as we leave the Dorothy Chandler Pavillion, please drive safely and remember to tip your waiter.
**Please note, no endorsements were accepted and no applicants are named Ralston or Purina or are themselves senior indoor cats, that we know of**
photo credits: meadhawg, google images