‘Honestly. Helens theme parties get more and more confusing everytime. Remember when she had the series 2 Detectorists premiere party? My upholstery sure does.’

‘Better than that ‘Gelatto for the Pontiff’ thing last fall!’

‘What about that outdoor thing where she just kept blasting ‘Tusk’ over the stereo….’

‘Oh, the marching band overnighter- I can’t even look at epaulettes now!?’

‘Remember the silent auction she had for the migrant farm workers? I never got my charitable giving form back.’

‘But her annual tea to kick off the Olive Gardens never ending pasta bowl’ is always so well attended!’

‘Is that the month after her annual birthday fete for Elton John and Kofi Annan?’

‘Yeah, weird them having the same birthday….’

‘ I thought getting Sir David Attenborough to read ‘ode to an Etruscan urn’ in a wading pool was quite stirring in 2012….good times’

‘What’s tonight?’

‘Slap that Bass’ jazz night, why?’

‘I think you misunderstood….’

Photo credits: vogue. Com.

I feel an unfortunate theme coming on. 

Would an apple a day keep this dress away?

Well, Alannah, we told you to wear something under it- it’s obviously made of kitchen scrubbies!

Haha, very funny, yes my name is Crystal and this is a chandelier, soooo funny.

The Sydney Lanier middle school band lost its best majorette when Sally altered her uniform without permission.

I can see Phyllis Diller threatening the maid while wearing this.

Are those frog prince lapel details? Be still my immature heart!

Oh, no, I’m not trying to be rude- I was just trying to read your crotch….don’t hit me with the Popes incense burner!!!

Never before- and I researched it- has anyone every said, ‘You look like a geriatric discoball’.

An unnamed sultan offered this model $5 million to rub him all over in this outfit while singing ‘tiny bubbles’.

I WILL be buried in this.

Photo credits: style.com. All images remain the property of their original owners.

The reason I like D&G is they make such sensible basics that a modern woman can easily incorporate into their everyday attire. If she just happens to be a Hapsburg! ‘Altho long discredited, Mrs Anderson persisted in subtlety claiming to be the Grand duchess and wearing the Imperial families faberge designed Christmas tree skirt to parties….’‘My Mother had one of those parlors where you couldn’t sit on the furniture…after the funeral, I made a spunky frock out of her favorite chair cushion…..’“Curses! My hands are freezing and I can never find the pockets on my coat-‘‘Mona would never know why she didn’t get the job at the shelter- she knew she gave a sparking interview….’

Have you ever woken up in a cold sweat after that dream where Versailles comes alive and tries to kill you? Maybe it’s just me……  I think this is from the ceiling in Donatellas bathroom- I wonder how they got in there?

photo credits: style.com