Sartorial Screenings! Faithless!!!


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This morning we will return to the 1932 with Tallulah Bankhead gem- Faithless. This went on the dvr because of it’s leading man- Robert Montgomery- little  me loves some Robert Montgomery- he, Franchot Tone and William Powell are the trinity of testosterone in my dvr.

The set up: spoiled heiress gets what every depression audience wants to see- her money gone and her virtue smeared….but in great frocks, of course. We begin-

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Yay! Oh, wait no- it’s not so great in America- but Carol Morgan- socialite orphan is riding high.

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Publicity shot of Carol at home:

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Carol is spending like she has no common sense! oh, dear!

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Carol put the brakes on and think of all the orphans that will be neglected if you can’t help them and the Morgan Home for neglected girls has to close! They will walk the streets! FORESHADOWING!!!!

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Carol has a fine loving man in her life- Bill! He makes a good living in advertising and he has a strong chin and fine character. He also likes to nap.

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Get up Bill!

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Yes, yes, of course Bill. But Bill soon learns that society will assume that he is Carols kept fancy man! He is now barraged with news people- much like that poor bakery worker sap who dated Cher back in the 90’s.

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Bill knows Carol is a virtuous woman who will step down into his world and let him take care of her. But Bill starts to doubt it as he sees how her friends assume he is just her purse carrying boy toy!

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Think about your life Bill!

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Bill and Carol have a fight that of course ends with her pouting and him looking deep into her glassy eyes and vows to never argue again occur. They are in a rut! The pattern repeats itself like an episode of Hoarders. But he sends her flowers and they carry on.

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Huh. What could the bank want in the height of the depression? Probably just letting her know her new checks are in.

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Screen shots of this movie don’t do the costumes justice- here’s what you wear to find out you are on skid row. Shh- don’t wake the pelts.

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Carol has lost the farm….and the yacht and the maid and a world class Hummel statue collection. Poor Carol. Who can she turn to? Well, after seeing Bills apartment and being shown a can opener, Carol has issues about their love.

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Carol is still a name and a face- trash with cash are begging for her to grace their tables and parties to bring up their social stock. She jumps on the first flea she sees! But she begins to gamble and borrow money and make bad choices! Carol is losing her way- without Bill to ground her. Bills brother thinks he has Carols number-

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Carol- stop betting, take your last scraps of dignity and go home- didn’t you read your Edith Wharton? This won’t end well!!!!

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Carol is all ‘Unhand me new money creepo- I’m a Morgan!’ Good girl Carol- he is clearly not having honorable Bill-like intentions! Carol has had it for the night- oh, here’s her host to tuck her in!

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Carol gets the hint and packs up all the towels and baby soaps she can grab and exits stage right in the middle of the night- but who is this lurking by the Ficus? It’s Weasel Gotrocks!

Bowing to his oily pressure, she accepts money, jewels, liquor and a maid from him and some other things….you can guess.

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If I had to be defiled by Commodore Brillcream, I’d wear this too!

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Carol spends lots of time drinking and trying not to see the Commodore naked. One evening Bill finally finds her address and arrives to see his old sweetie at her apartment.

A fracas ensues! Bill meets her keeper and gets the big picture. She tries to follow him, but the Commodore holds her back and it’s not pretty.

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Her resolve is set, but Bill is gone. She leaves without her fox pieces and tries to be an honest woman. She’s kind of bad at it. She ends up in a crappy boarding house selling her t-straps to the land lady for soup money. Oh- none of that was a metaphor. She really did.

23  Oh, the Coincidence fairy arrives and here comes Bill- looking strapped and strapping! He is no longer in the ad game- he’s a laborer. Look at those hunky callouses! He can’t leave her like this-

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They marry and move into a different rooming house and they combine his  sterno and her hotplate. Again, not a euphemism, just the 30’s. Bill hears about a job- it’s in trucking! Hurray! They celebrate and he heads off to learn the lingo.

But the job is available because the bosses fired the regular union crew to pay new drivers less. Bill has his pride, but he also has Carol. He takes the job.

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These drivers are not understanding Bills lack of union sentiment. He was probably a Taft voter. Tsk, tsk. They try to reason with him. Harshly.

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This is unfortunate. Carol must get a job to help out or the landlady will throw them out, broken spleen and all! Carol tries hard to find a job. She only gets one offer. It’s a little play for pay situation with the local lunch counter owner. She takes it. Bill needs that spleen brace!

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Carol wrestles with her moral qualms like she did on the sofa with the Commodore! BUt practicality and a word from her landlady helped her decide.

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Carol hits the alley. Now that wasn’t so bad, was it? Uh oh- Carol tries to get one more month of spleen rental for Bill when she bumps into another guy- but it’s Bills brother! He chastises her like the pope at an all you can eat buffet. I don;t know what that means exactly, but he was quite rough on her. She runs the other way right into the billy club of Sargeant Clancy!  He hears her story- and even knew some girls from the Morgan home- he is touched by her Venice to Vice sob story. He has a plan!

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Carol waits tables and in 35 payments, Bill gets to keep his spleen! Happy ending?

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While Carol is working the graveyard shift, Bills brother finally finds them and he tells all! Carol has brought your spleen with her vagina Big Brother!!!

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Uh, oh. Carol arrives home- to find her indiscretion all revealed. She is full of shame and extra fries she snagged off plates.

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Well, hey, who hasn’t hooked for a good cause, I mean really, Bill- aren’t you meant to be together? Didn’t she have the best intentions? Of course she did. Of course he took her back.

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Sigh. Ain’t love grand?

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photo credits: little me with an assist from TCM!

Sartorial Screenings 3- The Fuzzy Pink Nightgown!


In the true spirit of Howard Hughes film technique-plot will be sacrificed here for gratuitous shots of Jane- who’s nightgown really isn’t all that fuzzy, sadly.

Alright, buckle up and have your popcorn ready, this is a doozy!

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Laurel is a  major star! An independent woman who rules her own destiny and loves cigarette pants- as all powerful women do! She knows her worth and packages it accordingly! Let’s play a game, shall we? Let’s count how many times Jane has to blow or suck on something in the first five minutes to establish her character development, shall we?

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Laurels new film is a glorious historically accurate sex romp thru the Bourbon period. Her last film was mostly tequila based, so this is a nice change for her. Her producer and studio boss are very excited about this film loosely based on the life of St Catherine.

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Laurel is torqued off because her bath tub scene got cut by the censors for not meeting their ‘suds to bazooms ratio’.

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Look it up kiddies- it’s a thing! Laurel refuses to come to the opening tonight until that calgon orgy is put back in. She knows art and how to sell it! Grandeur studios was built on Laurel Stevens bust! Seriously- they’ve been able to expand 3 times in 5 years!

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Meet- aw, heck, I forgot her name. She’s a retired actress who provides sassy yet loving candor to Laurel in exchange for light housework and getting to eat anything in the fridge. Lets call her Maureen. She is wearing a fabulous belt! laurel is dressing for the opening- but slowly- so we can see her fabulous movie star home- look at all the ficus!

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Laurel uses this scene to explain to Maureen that sex appeal is a tool and that you don’t  need a man- it’s all career and fancy lamps! Oh, phone call!

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Ok, off we go- time to hit the premiere and dazzle the masses!   What could go wrong?

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You will NEVER believe this! A nefarious man is waiting to abscond with Laurel! What a thing to do on the opening night of The Kidnapped Bride!!

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Meet Mike and Dandy: an ex-con and his friend who believes in his good heart. They are kidnapping Laurel to get money to start over. I’m not sure they’re a couple, but maybe.

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Meanwhile- the producers are being grilled by the faux Hedda Hopper about Laurel and whether or not they are cheesy enough to stage a ‘napping on the night of the premiere! But they are as shocked and upset as soulless studio people can be.

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Laurel is forced to put on this lovely velvet cape by her kidnappers. Seriously- whats up with this? It doesn’t conceal her or keep her from seeing her whereabouts or anything- were they just worried about her getting a cold? Do they want to kidnap one of the 7 dancing princesses?

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Well, when they arrive at the hideout- Laurel makes a brave escape attempt and her druid cape impedes her- maybe there was a point after all.

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Laurel is carried into the house and forced to listen to Dandy unveil the plot!

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Oh, you two are twisted weasels! They have truly creepy plans indeed! Dandy is going to force Laurel to wear this Lanz nightgown and play a frisky game of ‘what big _____ you have’ with them. She’s going to need so much therapy after this- you know Patty Hearst was given a very similar nightie in plaid. Look it up.   12

Laurel soon realized that not only is Mike evil- he thinks he’s Perry Como! It’s now time for the sensitive exposition talk about how Mike was an innocent man framed by the justice system and now he is marked for life and can’t do anything but continue down the perditious path. Poor Mike.

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Meanwhile- Laurel, ever the professional, is practicing for her next movie- where she plays a high wire artist with Rory Calhoun- ‘Cleavage under the Big Top’…..

15  16  This film has it all, suspense, athletics, early American furniture….

Meanwhile Maureen finds evidence that Laurel couldn’t have left of her own free will and rushes to show the studio guys!

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Laurel tries all of her best wiles to get her Perry Como impersonating abductor to release her. She nearly throw out her back trying to saunter in his dead Grandmothers negligee but they are hardened er, desperate criminals!

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Mike the excon had to register with his parole officer and was smart enough to leave the hideout as an address. When Detective McBride shows up to check on Mike- who he believed was innocent all along, but still a ne’er-do-well, Laurel tries out her expansive lung capacity on him-

IMG_8476.JPG Wow- that was close! luckily Mike keeps her from escaping and locks her in the ‘Young Brides 4 piece all mahogany look veneer bedroom suite’.

IMG_8568But she is always listening…..

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Over a strangely long period of time for a public figure to be missing and only noticed by 4 people, Laurel, Mike and Dandy form a bond and enjoy long walked on the beach, toast and wearing each others clothes and wigs.

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They decorate their tiny display Christmas tree and do all the other things one routinely does with their kidnapper. Yes, they paint each others nails alot.

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At last the deal is made with the studio to ransom Laurel using a price by the pound. The ransom will be delivered and Mike and Dandy will go off to Mexico! By now, The faux Hedda cannot be put off- she knows something is up! So does detective Mcbride and oh, it’s about to all get crazy and misunderstandings will commence!

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But what about Mike? He isn’t really a kidnapper- he’s misunderstood. What about Dandy? He’s just a low-level airport worker that wants to go to Mexico. If they take the money, they’re really crooks and what about Laurel? What about how she feels about Mike? What about Dandy and how I’m thinking he feels about Mike in the novel, but was edited it out of the film by the uptight Hays board?

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Now it’s Christmas day and Dandy has a gift for Laurel- no it’s not another nightgown- it’s a really odd purchase for a bachelor man to bring his hostage, but hey, Dandy- you be you!

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Oh, whats that noise? It’s a car, possibly the police or the neighborhood watch coming for Dandy!

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Oh, carollers. That was close!

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Well, the big day arrives- Maureen has all the money in a very generic suitcase and Dandy has his generic swap suitcase ready- he is ready to make the drop as they say.

But second thoughts are brewing all around. Mike- about becoming the thing he has denied for so long- a criminal.

Laurel- about being used by the studio like she is just a commodity! But she has no doubts about the fabulous lacy catsuit with chiffon skirting that Dandy bought her- it’s delish!

33No, we can’t do this! We must stop Dandy! Time for a madcap chase thru the streets in a stolen police car!!

IMG_9030They find Dandy in the breakroom- abusing the companies generous break policy- Dandy is the reason minimum wage is so low.

IMG_9048.JPGThe police arrive and so does Maureen and the studio people! Fire laws are clearly not followed and they are going to arrest Mike and Dandy! Oh no! Think Laurel, think!

IMG_9054.JPGLaurel announces that it was all her idea and the boys are her publicity team! The suitcase is full of old newspaper and a stray girl scout uniform that Dandy can’t explain, but nothing criminal in most states! Yay! Laurel and Mike will be together forever and Dandy will live with them until they find out. Ah, love.

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photo credits: little me, with an Amazon assist. All images remain the property of the original owner.

 

 

Sartorial Screenings 2-Born To Be Bad!


This week Olivia DeHavilland turned 100! Today we honor her by focusing on the work of her sister Joan Fontaine- the little hussy!

Our film is BORN TO BE BAD. The 1950 story of a blonde who scanks her way to the top!

This is Donna- she is a charming good hearted gal who is always careful to protect her crisp white blouses with a matronly smock while working. She also clips coupons and wears sensible mid heels.

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She will marry a millionaire next week and all of her dreams will come true. OF course.

Donna is planning a massive party with the help of her poor but loyal friend Gabby- he’s a starving painter so he has to do catering jobs on the side- stay in school kids, stay in school. You can tell he is devil may care because of his Eddie Haskell jacket.

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Hurray Donna! You have canapes to make and a life of well-meaning acts to get to. Whoopsie! Watch out for that ominous event coming, Donna!

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Cue the organ music! young wholesome Christabel, who is coming to sublet the apartment is here a day early!

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Oh my- she feels awful about arriving the day of your society party!  She says she’ll just go find a park bench to curl up on and hope no mashers find her innocent flesh enticing. born5

Christabel immediately charms anything in her vicinity! Don’t be fooled Gabby- she’s trouble!

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Don’t worry, Donna- Christabel knows you are busy- she’ll just find something to do and stay out of your dowdy cargo robe wearing way.

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Hours later, Donna adds last minute paprika sprinkles to the pigs in a blanket and Curtis her fiance arrives! He is not really a young Walt Disney- he just has that lip thing like him. Donna has donned a flashy gown and ever practical- low heels and a gingham apron. Assuming that gingham is a turn on for Curtis.

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He leaves her to make himself a fancy pink squirrel cocktail and who does he find?

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Donna! Come quickly!!!

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Well, Curtis tries desperately to operate the phone and find another ticket for the premiere they were to attend with Christabel as the 3rd slutty wheel.

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No dice! All the seats at Hamilton were sold out months ago. But thats ok, Christabel will stay here and plot while you are gone. Have a good time kids!

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At the party, Christabel meets another of Donnas platonic hangers on. A young writer with no money. Christabel is turned off my his wallet, yet intrigued by his butt.

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Writer boy and Christabel snog on the side- but she makes no bones about her hot pursuit of wealthier game. He thinks she will let her heart and loins rule the day- he is soo naive.

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Christabel poses for Gabby Non’Montalban and hides from her aunt and uncle who know she’s trouble, run in the same social circles, attend the same parties, appear to be legally responsible for her- but just leave phone messages for her alot. Oh, and the aunt appears to be kind of dying or something- but the will isn’t a plot point, so Christabel isn’t so concerned. born15

Gabby finds her a challenge to paint- she keeps skanking off to meet Curtis- claiming he dropped his slide rule or she has a message for him. He is totally fooled. But Donna is starting to wake up and smell the hot cup of crapaccino Christabel keeps trying to serve her. But being polite, she lets it keep going.

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Christabel has no time for poor people stuff- Curtis has asked her to meet him at a jewelry store. She thinks its to buy her a trollope offering, but no- he wants advise on what to buy Donna as an engagement present. The store is all out of plaid!

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Christabel almost blows Mission: Wealth SUCK when she can’t handle Curtis wanting to buy some serious rocks for Donna-she tries to dissuade him into buying a little ‘I Like Ike’ button and some russell stovers, but he goes for the jewelers choice- offering to buy Christabel the trinket she suggested as a thank you gift. She grinds her molars and keeps quiet.

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Well, this is a long movie! Lets buzz ahead- Donna starts to doubt her love for Curtis- because she likes his stuff alot. She martyrs out and leaves him in the clutches of Christabel- and clutch she does.  They marry in haste and and she presses his disney-stache to her only slightly repulsed lips as often as she can tolerate for the greater good of all his cash! He runs into Donna at Gabbys latest starving artist show at the Dave & Busters parking lot. He is still smitten and starting to emerge from the skank-haze of Christabel. But he is married! Donna is not that kind!She has nobility of spirit and lapels to keep her warm.

born20  Christabel has the novelist- who’s gotten a publisher! His advance makes him even hunkier. Donna and her old boarder have a come to Jesus meeting!

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born22Christabel knows she has the upperhand- the one with the wedding band on it- but her lust for writer boy is making her sloppy!

bornm22Curtis is slowly starting to think Christabel is filling her day with charity events and writer humping to avoid him- he tries desperately to get her back to the woman she thought she was when they were courting- even tho that woman didn’t really like him much either, but hey, whatever- that Christabael didn’t avoid him.

born23 Ah, writer boys book is out and its a scorcher!

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This weekend after the charity party for debutantes without frenulums, Curtis plans a long weekend at their country estate overlooking the Matterhorn- he hopes to rekindle the flames of his lame marriage. Christabel hopes to escape to see her favorite author for a naked book signing at a bed and breakfast.

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As soon as the party ends, Christabel peels it for the sex cabin and her writer beau! Meanwhile:

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Uh, oh! Christabel tries to sneak back home and act like she doesn’t smell like moist bookbindings and English Leather! But Curtis is onto her! Where have you been, Trollope!

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Auntie died earlier today while you claim you were plumping her pillows! Who’s pillows did you plump, Christabel???

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Well, Christabel flies to Reno, establishes residency and fights her prenup while working a topless dive off the strip. Writer boy?

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And Donna?

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All is right with the world and plaid triumphs!

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photo credits: little me with a TCM assist. All images must be treated respectfully, as I have.